7 Shot Checks

What a turnout tonight! Boy! 163 hashers have shown up tonight cause the (8!!) hares have promised us 7 shot checks. Lord amercy! Will anyone be capable of walking after 7 shot checks + 1 beer check? And Cum Dumpling, where are you? You’re supposed to be helping me collect money and you’re late this week! By the time he finally arrives, I have a line out the yazoo and can’t even b*tch at him for b*tching at me last week! (Don’t you love female retribution?)

So the line is unmanageable, Cum Dumpling is late, Happy on his Knees chooses that moment to cut the line, and Can’t F*ck Dust wants to know if Tiny Balls has signed in. Give the money to Cum Dumpling, yell at Happy for cutting line, and no, Tiny Balls hasn’t signed in yet. Dust hands me paper bracelets to hand out to hashers signing in (even though 40 hashers have already signed in) – “They’re for the beer specials at the bar”. I assume Happy feels guilty for cutting the line, so he volunteers to help hand out the bracelets. Sheesh! What chaos!

Finally, a break! It’s 7:15pm, I’ve been signing people in for 45 minutes straight and when I finally have a moment to take my bag to the bag vehicle, I spot even MORE hashers showing up! Get here on time, you wankers! Late sign-in is going to be a b*tch tonight.

So it’s another wonderful 90-degree day with a slight breeze. Fortunately, it appears as if it might rain, which should help us avoid passing out from heat and alcohol exposure. Unfortunately, the trail is rather long – not that it really bothers me, but when you’re not expecting a long trail, it comes as a bit of a shock when the distance between some shot checks is more than a mile. As a result, KP gives the runners the option to cut the trail short at the beer check by running straight to the end circle. I, being the improving runner that I am, decide I’m going to eagle this trail (hmmm…what am I thinking?). Well, the 2^nd half ain’t that bad. We really only have 2 more shots at this point, so how much more running could we possibly have?

So I end up at the ending circle and begin my routine for late sign-in.

Dust comes by and asks, “Where’s Tiny Balls bag?”
“What bag?”
“The bag I asked you to give to him at sign-in.”
“Excuse me? I didn’t hear that. I told him that you were looking for him and that was it.”

So now I’m responsible for leaving someone’s brand new WH4 embroidered hash duffel bag among the homeless dudes at Union Station. Dude, I’m sorry, but approaching me when I’m trying to perform sign-in with 100 impatient hashers is not very good timing. Next time, find a non-critical person to perform your task. But would a homeless dude have really wanted a bag that said “Tiny Balls” anyway? I think not…

But lookee here! Clear evidence that the bag was sitting next to me the entire time! It's the greenish bag to my left....duh!

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. Fizzy, being a responsible hasher, noticed the bag sitting by its lonesome with Tiny Balls’ name embroidered on the outside and carried it with him to the first shot check (which happened to be Roadkill’s place). Now Tiny just needs to chase Roadkill down for his duffel bag!