Dogfish Head Alehouse

It's MD Happy Hour time! Since nobody's in town this weekend, the MD contingent (me and RU-469) are determined to make some VA people come on OUR turf. We settle on Dogfish Head Alehouse cause it's been talked up a lot on Digby's (apparently, beer is good, service not so good).

Karla introduces the two of us to Tim, the HOT bartender, as “Sally and Wendy”.

I go, “Yeah, I’m Wendy.”

A full minute goes by….

“Wait up! Your name isn’t Sally!”

I guess the brain STILL isn't up to warp speed yet.

I order salmon and a specialty beer, The Midas Touch. The salmon is pretty tasty, but pricey at $18. The beer ain’t cheap either. I don’t know what my beer cost, but Nub’s beer (15% alcohol by volume) cost $9.50. The hot bartender says it’s worth it cause Nub’s getting 5X the alcohol than a normal beer. Yeah, but we’re paying 5X the price too! Oh, and the bartender provided excellent service! Or maybe I'm just partial to hot bartenders? There's a chick bartender, too, but I'm not partial to girls - still excellent service, though.

Now, I swore up and down I would NEVER post this pic on the web. But I have to admit, the pic is pretty hilarious!

The guys tell me, "We're impressed that your mouth can open that wide. We now see you in a totally different light."

Yeah? Well, y'all should see this pic in the original size. Frightening!

Those smokers! What’s up with them? They’re outside more than they’re inside. They cuss up and down against Montgomery County due to the smoking bans in bars. Y'all shouldn't be smoking anyway! Y'all are runners! What's up with that?

Another reason to hate Montgomery County: when we pull out of the bar, a cop pulls out directly behind me. He passes me by, but tails Karla's blind spot for 2 miles before turning around. He's not the only one either. We pass at least 6 more cops on the trip down Rt. 355 to RU-469’s house. The VA trekkers swear they will NEVER come back to Montgomery County. Also, due to the cops, the trip takes 30 minutes vs. the 10 minutes it took us earlier in the evening.

We eventually play a drinking game: Kings. I end up having to reveal (sexual) things I have never done (lots of that, but unfortunately my vocabulary is impaired so I can't name them all) and I have to take off clothing. I only lose my belt, though. Disappointed?

I decide to head to bed earlier than everyone else, but since everyone’s being noisy and the lights are all on, I put my eye mask on to help me sleep.

OFE tells me, “That thing is a panty blocker.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You lose hook-up potential when you wear those things.”

Oh. I guess I won't be making that mistake again…

F*cked Stupid

I wake up this morning to the sound of my phone ringing at 8:15am. It’s grammy.

She tells me, “I just wanted to let you know that if you call us while crossing the Bay Bridge, you need to let the phone ring because we’ve got to run to the other side of the house to answer the phone.”

Grandma! Couldn’t you have waited until later to call me and tell me that??!! And don’t ask me to explain my grammy – there’s no such thing as technology in her house.

I struggle with trying to go back to sleep for a couple of hours, but eventually give up. I pack my bookbag and leave determined to arrive at grammy’s house for a relaxing shower (great pressure with wells, you know!), a nap, and some turkey.

I jump in my car and dial up OFE to see how he survived the evening since he left with an extremely trashed Haystack. That’s my first mistake! He always encourages me to do what’s bad and what’s worse is – I always listen to him! In this case, he suggests that I delay my departure to grammy’s house by attending the hash first. Well, grammy won’t be putting dinner on the table until 4pm, so I DO have some time. Hell! Why not?

I meet OFE and Haystack at the Silver Diner. I order a $5 glass of orange juice and pull out my monster bottle of super-vitamins that are the size of horse pills. They have 300% of everything in them. Great for curing hangovers! And boy do I have a mother of a hangover! You're supposed to take two at a time, but OFE and Haystack only opt for one each. I guess they only want 150% of their daily vitamin needs. Careful, guys! Did I tell you that these vitamins make your urine look radioactive yellow? No, I guess not - I left that part out - surprise!

I arrive at the hash and opt not to run. My stomach is too queasy...especially after hearing OFE's and Haystack's Taco Bell story. Aggghhh...refried beans.

Areola Borealis tells the walkers “You’ll burn enough calories for a crouton. The runners will burn enough calories for some mashed potatoes.”

Guess I won't be burning many calories today, then...

Now when I woke up this morning, I realized the screen of my camera was cracked. While walking to the shot check, I realize that there is moisture under the screen of my phone. I show my busted camera and phone to OFE. He'll know what to do, right?

Instead he tells the scribe, “I’d like to violate LNDT for ruining $500 worth of electronic equipment in a single evening by shaking her a$$ too hard!”

You know, I really set myself up for these situations, don't I? Take the next situation. Since I'm hungover, I'm not thinking too clearly. You'd expect that, wouldn't you? Well! Purple Peter Eater violates me for my slow brain processor speed this morning.

He says “LNDT was F*CKED stupid last night, but somehow NO SEX was involved.”

Would it have been any better if there was?

And thank God, I didn't run today. Since some newbie hashers are the FRBs, they somehow find a trail that was laid over 2 weeks ago (even after all the rain!) and run all the way to Spout Run. Some people take an hour before they return! The worst part of it all is that the shot check is only 1 block from the beer check.

We actually have a naming today. For a guy that has only 2 runs cause none of the other “Just”s decided to show. He gets named Private Snowball cause he looks like Private Snowball from Full Metal Jacket. Dude really looks like him, too!

And talk about putting lots of effort into Turkey Day! Shamrock stayed up till 5am making these turkey treats! They are yummy, though!

I leave the hash shortly after 1pm to drive for a couple hours to good ol' Delaware. I arrive at grammy’s house still hung over and starving. Thank God the turkey’s almost done. My aunt is pulling the meat off the turkey legs, of which there are 8 (We’re a dark meat-loving family, so grammy always buys extra legs for us.). I decide my aunt isn’t doing a good enough job stripping the dark meat off the legs, so I gnaw on the bone myself. I do an excellent job of cleaning those turkey legs! My family is incredulous, though.

Grammy says, “I’ve never seen her like this before! Why is she being so silly?”

See what you hashers have done to me!! My family doesn’t think I’m the same person anymore!

After dinner, I pull a blanket out of the bedroom closet and walk around the house like Linus with my blanket dragging behind me. My brother, cousins and I play Scattegories for a bit and then go into the dining room for some dessert. Not dessert!! How fattening! I wrap my blanket around me and pass out on the floor next to the dining room table while everyone's chowing down on pumkin pie. Great manners, wouldn’t you say?

Grammy tels me, "Quit showing off for our guest."

I’m sure I make a wonderful impression on my cousin’s boyfriend. Hey! I’m not dating him, so what do I care? Besides, he's met me before and how much could his opinion REALLY change? My family leaves me there on the floor for about an hour before they tell me to high-tail it to bed. I guess I deserve it, huh?

Drunk Off My A$$

I don't know what the hell I did this evening, but the end results?

I broke my brand new camera.
I somehow got moisture under the screen of my one-month old phone.
I lost 2 lip glosses.

...and this series of photos mysteriously appeared on my camera...































Click here for more pics.

Who's the Udder Ho?

I meet RU-469 at Rockville for the ride down to Crystal City. And whattya know? I have to pee...again! I'm making a bad habit of this, aren't I? We walk into the Crystal City Marriott and go up to the pool level. Nope, no bathroom here. Let's get out of here. Oh! What's this? Bathrooms outside the dining room. I should have thought of that! Finally! Relief!

I'm also hungry (which happens pretty frequently). Fortunately for me, I packed the Hoooah! Bar that was in my giveaway bag from the Turkey Trot yesterday. The bar says "Created by the U.S. Military". Well, that would explain the "Hoooah!". It's ultra-sweet (but that could be because it's the Apple Cinnamon flavor) and at 280 calories is pretty high-calorie, but who's complaining about free food?

The run is a good length (short), although it's a bit hilly. Hoover Daaaam does a great job of pacing me for the first half. Thanks, chickie!

At the beer check I introduce myself to Just Ricky as Wendy. Uh oh! Big no-no! Never use nerd names at the hash. How about Wendy's Late Nite Drive Thru? Too late! The scribe heard me.

During the second half, Just Alan paces me. I really run much better when I have pacers or someone I'm running after (hee hee!). I try to talk when I run, but that requires way too much effort. I guess there will be time for chitchat later.

Now, apparently, at the end circle, I'd Do 'Er can't tell the difference between Udder Ho and MM. Girl! Those two don't look ANYTHING alike. They might share the same color skin, but that's all they share. She must have been confused since this is probably the only time 2 black guys have hared the same trail (has that ever happened before?). To top all this tomfoolery off, OFE introduces himself as the "token white hare". I guess since I was a racist yesterday, y'all get some of my witticisms on this vein…

I'm a Racist!

No, I’m not a racist the way people usually think of racists. I’m a racist because this morning I’m participating in the Fannie Mae Help the Homeless 5K Walk-a-thon. Hashers that participate in formalized race events are labeled racists and usually get violated for participating in these events. See…the hash discourages competitive behavior and usually races are competitive.

Since no one is up when I walk out the door at 7am, I’m forced to walk from OFE’s house to the Ballston metro. It’s not a bad walk, it’s just that I’m short on time and feel like I’ve already walked a 5K before arriving at the “real” 5K.

I meet up with my friend T and some of her other friends. But wouldn’t you know it? As soon as we start out on our walk, I feel the urge to pee. Why does this always happen to me? I shouldn’t have drunk that Powerade on the way to the metro station! The “trail” for the Fannie Mae 5K goes down Independence to the Jefferson Memorial and around the Tidal Basin to the FDR Memorial and then back to the Mall for the finish line. Thankfully, there are bathrooms at the Jefferson Memorial, so I can make an emergency pit stop.

After the walk-a-thon, I go back to OFE’s place for breakfast and mimosas. Nub picks up Kelly and I since we’re both without transportation. Everyone has been up for hours when Kelly and I arrive. They’re watching episodes of Drawn Together and South Park and for the most part are just vegging out.

I'm a bit confused by some of the dialog in the room though. Apparently, Nub needs Sex Ed 501 classes as badly as I do. The others are teasing him for not knowing what a pearl necklace is. I don't know what one is either, but I'm more concerned with the term reach around.

I ask, "Is a reach around when a girl grabs a guy from behind?"

Everyone has a good laugh at this one. Not exactly. OFE looks up the definitions on an urban dictionary for me. Hmmm....very funny! OFE, why don't you provide us all with the links to said definitions?

Kelly informs us that she has an appointment at 3pm and won't be able to join us for some of our afternoon activities. What kind of appointment does she have? I didn't know doctor's offices were open on weekends. It's not that kind of an appointment - it's a date that she set up through Ok Cupid. What??!! Who calls a date an appointment (except for Wendy's girls)? When the girl has a profile that uses a pic from the lingerie run - that's when!

Damn! We’re lazy bastards! It’s 2pm and we were supposed to be at Jimmy’s in Herndon at 1pm! Let’s haul a$$, so we can go run this Turkey Trot 5K. Immediately upon arriving at Jimmy’s, I order a Jager-bomb, so that I can get liquored up while getting an energy boost for my upcoming run (what a way to multi-task!). It is my 2^nd 5K of the day, you know! Do Me Howser and Tuppy, though, have outdone themselves. Do you know that the two of them have consumed 6 shots in 2 hours? And they’re gonna run the Turkey Trot, too! I wish you both luck!

I’ve set myself a goal of finishing within 40 minutes. I know that’s not a very aggressive goal, but I’m a slow runner! I know I can’t run 10-minute miles, so I’ll just shoot for anything under 13 minutes. Damn it! Not again! The race is starting and I have to pee so bad! Damn Red Bull! I peed just before walking to the start and now I have to pee again. I’m starting a pattern here…

Wow! What a cheering squad I have! I’m booking it for my last ¼ mile cause I would like to have a decent time and I come in at 35:33. Not bad! For a DFL! That gives me an average 11:30 mile. I didn’t come in much later than most of the other hashers either. Most have times between 30 and 40 minutes. The group of racist hashers heads back to Jimmy’s to grab some nourishment, but we’re so worn out from the run that we’re all ready to head home at 5:30pm. What an early night! I did walk/run 10K today!

And some people had a little too much fun when they absconded with my camera. Can someone please tell me why Lube is grabbing Metro's a$$ and why Friendly Thighs is a voyeur?

What a Spread!

I’m missing the Full Moon hash tonight to have dinner with my new co-workers at the Capital Grille. Boy! Do we have a nice spread! Our appetizers include oysters on the half shell, lobster, shrimp, and fried calamari. On top of that, we have an open bar. I try to play it safe by drinking wine, but the servers keep refilling our glasses so fast that I quickly have to watch myself. Then we have to choose our meal…what a tough decision! Three different types of steak, lamb chops, salmon, or tuna. And for dessert…the choice of cheesecake, mixed berries and cream, or a flourless chocolate espresso cake. Well! I’m not going to pass by the opportunity for espresso cake! Yum! I only take 3 bites, but it’s worth it! But I quickly decide to leave after the Stoli and pineapple start to work their wonders. I can’t have my co-workers see me in this light yet!

Fortunately for me, I quickly catch a train to Courthouse and arrive at Dremo’s around 11pm. There’s still a pretty good sized crowd left from the hash.

I’m up to my usual shenanigans, too. I go through numerous costume changes cause my turtleneck and blazer are too hot to wear in the bar. At first, I take off my turtleneck and wear only my blazer, but then pull out my t-shirt when the blazer becomes too hot to wear. Only 3 costume changes. Not too shabby!

OFE has volunteered to host pancakes and mimosas in the morning, so a group of us head to his house to crash for the evening. Porn to Fail passes out on the couch within 30 seconds of arriving. Well, I guess we know where he’s sleeping! We watch Kill Bill until 3am at which point I haul myself off to sleep, so that I can survive my walk-a-thon in the morning.

The First Ever and Only Catered Hash

I’m so unprepared today! When I packed my hash bag this morning, I didn’t check the weather reports and didn’t look outside at the weather, so I only packed a t-shirt and yoga pants for today’s run (at least I had sense enough to pack pants and not shorts!). Am I not aware that it’s the middle of November? With all this unseasonably warm weather, my weather sense is all turned around.

So, inevitably, I’m freezing my a$$ off standing around outside Union Station in my windbreaker/raincoat without a hat or gloves. I’m jumping up and down to get my blood circulating and stay warm when OFE recommends drinking some liquor to warm me up. Great idea! There’s lots of shops in Union Station, there’s gotta be a liquor store inside. I find the liquor store (conveniently located near the entrance for Amtrak) and pay $5 for a flask of Jack Daniels. Not a great price, but certainly not outrageously expensive (Union Station shops are not known for their bargains).

Since I’m being generous today, I pass around my flask of Jack to other hashers that need a quick shot of warmth, as well. That stuff really does the trick! And it’s so smooth going down. But damn that Rodeo! Apparently, his definition of a swig is larger than mine. Between two tokes on my flask, he drinks half the bottle and only left me a swallow! Dude! It’s not cool to take advantage of someone’s generosity!

The hares promise us a short trail cause it’s so cold outside, and for once they keep their promise! I still attempt to shortcut, though, but fail miserably. I’m following A$$ Ogre (who is usually a master short-cutter) and we see a true trail arrow leading over a bridge. Well! That true trail arrow is for the 2^nd part of the trail because the beer van is parked UNDER the bridge. Of course, I don’t realize this until I’m on top of the bridge, so we cut through a construction site and scramble underneath the fence to make our way back to the beer check. So shortcutting doesn’t always pay…

At the end circle, to my surprise (and pleasure), I discover that we are not being served our usual fare. It’s catered food! Apparently, some caterers (whose truck is parked in the same alley) have lots of leftovers and decide to donate them to us hungry hashers. The food is fabulous! We have beef satay, crab cakes, shrimp, steamed dumplings, greek vegetarian pastry, muffins, AND chocolate-covered strawberries!

Just Keith tells me, “Eat Street Meat came in his pants when he saw the meat sticks”.

That is too funny! I think it’s such a funny line that I submit it to the hash scribe as a violation.

We have a naming today. Now sometimes guys get stuck with horrible hash names, but today is an exception. The newest hasher is named “C*cks on Demand” cause he works for a video editing equipment company. And he’s Cum Dumpling’s brother! I didn’t know that! But now that I know, I do see a resemblance…

Now y’all might recall that I met A$ Ogre a while back at a Sh*t hash and was told that he’s king of bra popping. I personally have never experienced this (cause I’ve only been around him in a sports bra), but tonight he gets IHOV. Poor girl! She doesn’t even realize until I ask her to check herself.

I do have to throw one item out to my audience, though. There are a lot of hashers that I call “background”. They’re new, dedicated runners whose circle of friends include other new hashers. Most are unnamed, but a few have been named. These “background” hashers only do one hash a week and don’t go to any of the social events. Why does EWH3 have so many “background” hashers? I can’t believe it’s because these hashers are wallflowers (Can hashers be wallflowers? By definition, we’re active, social people). What can members of the hash do to get these “background” hashers involved? It’s definitely something I puzzle over…

Comment moderation?

WTF??!! Why doesn't blogger tell us when they install new features?

I thought my posts were boring people since I hadn't received any comments for a week's worth of posts. But lo and behold, I'm the one at fault for not checking out the moderate comment feature in my settings. Well, let me tell you, I couldn't turn that feature off fast enough!

And I gotta send a shout out to all my commenters - y'all def have great senses of humor! Some of those comments y'all leave behind totally make me fall out of my chair.

First Day on the Job

Well, like all first days on the job, today is all about filling out paperwork. Since I work for such a small company, all the benefits and paychecks are outsourced to a HR management company. It’s confusing reading through all the paperwork that says LNDT “is an employee of both company X and Y” and then knowing that everything I’m doing today, I’ll have to do again on Wednesday for the company I’m contracted to. Even the laptop! I get a company laptop, but I’m also going to get a laptop from the client. 2 laptops! What am I going to do with 2 laptops?

In any case, the people are great here. They take me out to lunch and invite me to 3 networking events this week. Gosh! I’ve been here one day and already have social activities on the agenda. But I like staying busy, so no complaints from this quarter.

After work, I head over to Pentagon City to get a bite to eat. As I’m sitting at the bar, the gentleman next to me shows me this neat trick. Apparently, it’s possible to balance two inter-laced forks on a toothpick. Totally amazing! If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it’s possible.

Ah well, back home for me. Again, I’m going to be a good girl and call it an early evening. Boring today, aren’t I?

Violated....Again!

I wake up to the sound of Kane flushing the toilet over and over again. Can’t anyone sleep in around here? I roll over and try to fall asleep. No such luck.

Knee Deep comes downstairs and asks, “Is the toilet broken?”

I stubbornly refuse to get up and throw a blanket over my head. Maybe if I’m hiding, no one will bother me. Wrong again! Eventually, I get up off the couch and check out what’s cooking in the kitchen. My stomach! It hurts so bad! Damn alcohol! I can tolerate some pancakes and eggs, but I’m not touching ANY champagne.

RU-469, Nub, and I make the trek back to MD, so that we can get dressed for the hash. It’s such a beautiful day outside! I think I’m gonna wear shorts! I probably won’t get another opportunity again this year.

It’s 2:40 and we’ve got to get to Eastern Market from BFE, MD. Are we gonna make it in time? Never fear, I’m a master navigator (sometimes). I direct Nub through DC city streets (actually just straight down North Capitol) until we see signs pointing us towards Eastern Market. We’re a ½ hour late, but we get there just in time for beginning circle. Late sign-in for me. I throw my bag into the vehicle just as they’re closing the door.

Whew! Running on a hangover and too little sleep is not a good idea. I’m SO slow today! But miracle of miracles! RU-469 is going to run with me. She never runs. What’s gotten into her, I wonder? It’s only me, RU-469, Doucheberg, and Hoover Daaaam as the DFLs. Don’t ask me why Doucheberg is a DFL – must be Hoover Daaaam’s influence (hee hee!).


And what’s with the violations? I’m getting violated every time I go to a hash. I’m just minding my own business today and Two Lips violates me for having scuffed-up knees. You couldn’t find anyone else to violate today or something?

Well, tomorrow is my first day on the new job and I want to leave a favorable impression, so it’s off to an early bedtime for me!

Loaded at Zig's Bar

RU-469 and I metro down to the Van Dorn station together. I would have driven to Knee Deep’s place, but for some reason thought that she wouldn’t have enough space and would need to get back home regardless of my intoxication levels. Boy, am I wrong! Knee Deep’s house has plenty of space and a beautiful patio. On top of that, Nub brought raspberry schnapps and champagne for tomorrow morning. Can’t wait to try that out!

After having a few drinks to build up our buzz, a sober member of our group, Carla, drives us over to Zig’s bar to catch Loaded’s performance. There’s too many of us to fit in the CRV. Oh no! What are we gonna do? Never fear! Nub provides a solution by climbing across the laps of all three girls in the back seat. Well, whattya know? Nub’s getting close and personal with 18 feet of woman! Nub, you keep trying, and someday, you may hit 20 feet!

When we walk into the bar, the management tells us that it’s very important for us to be quiet, so that all the other customers can hear the comedian. Unfortunately, I’m not known for my indoor voice and the manager has to come over and reprimand me. Fortunately, my food arrives shortly afterwards which prevents me from getting kicked out of the bar because I’m too busy stuffing my face full of cheese fries.

But my run-ins with the management don’t end there. It’s getting mighty crowded near the bar, so I go stand in the aisle around the seating area to get a better view of the comedian. Can you believe it? The manager tells me that I’m a “fire hazard”! The stinkin’ aisle is 4 feet wide. They’re telling me that MY body is going to prevent others from escaping?

Finally! Loaded comes on. They’re playing okay today, but they were better at the Halloween Full Moon. Regardless, a bunch of us go up to dance and party.

Where did the time go? They’re kicking us out at 12pm? Man, I am trashed. How much did I drink? I’m hanging all over Bolo. I guess I want his leopard-print coat. Bolo, that isn’t really your coat – is it? Tell me it belongs to I’d Do ‘Er. Nope. He bought it for himself from Goodwill. I can’t believe he actually wears it out in public!

Hockey Game

Earlier in the week, Can't Stop asked if a hasher would like to join him at the Caps game on Friday. I volunteered to accompany him since I've scheduled myself a break between my old and new jobs (besides, I haven't been to a hockey game in a couple of years).


Wow!! What great seats! We're in the second row from the glass right next to the visitor's penalty box. I've never sat down here before. It's pretty scary too. The puck hits the glass right in front of my face and so do the players. I've got my new Casio Exilim camera ready to take pics (thanks for the recommending it, OFE! You're an electronics genius!), but am so shocked everytime the players hit the glass that I'm unable to take a pic (I guess y'all now know you can't count on me in an emergency).

Within the first 2 minutes of the game a fight breaks out. Oh boy!! This is why people like watching hockey! And do I take any pics?

I tell Can't Stop, "I guess I should have taken a picture of that fight".
"Yeah, what's wrong with you?"

My reaction time isn't too good. But whattya know? I'm so fortunate to be sitting close to a heckler - this loyal Caps fan is just making fun of the Devil's players in the penalty box. What a riot!

And what a coincidence! My bosses from the distribution center are also at the game. They're up in the club level, so we head up to the Acela restaurant to hang out with them during the 2nd period. At least we get a free beer out of it (aren't my ex-bosses, great?). They love hearing about my hashing stories (I have to admit that working in a distribution center prepared me for hashing).

Damn! The Caps lose to the Devils 4 to 3. Not good.

Afterwards, we go to Fado's to meet up with Bow Chicka Bow Bow, OFE and Just Shannon. I'm starving! I totally inhale a corned beef sandwich as soon as I walk into the bar. OFE and JS have been drinking since 11:30am - dem drunk bastads! Y'all trying to set a record for most continuous drinking hours or something?

Around 5pm, Can't Stop and Bow leave to meet up with other friends and I piggyback with OFE and JS to go to Beltway Bob's at Rock Bottom. It takes forever to get there. Damn public transportation! The train breaks down at McPherson Square and all the passengers have to unload. OFE has no patience with metro. He's not used to riding. I've been riding metro daily for 4 years, so this is old hat for me.

He tells us, "I'd take a taxi, but I've been spending too much on cabbage."

Dude! That sounds like something I'd say! Is cabbage, in the sense you mean it, even a word?

And what the hell? We're early? It's 6:30pm and we're the first one's at the bar. No fear, Doucheberg to the rescue! Good! Someone for me to rag on (most people rag on me, so I'm happy to find a few I can molest - oops! maybe I should use a different verb? how about bother?)!

3 hours later, I'm ready to fall asleep.

I threaten everyone, "If y'all don't get me to some music, I'm gonna fall asleep."

No one wants to go very far, so we go to Clarendon Grille. OMG!! The band is awesome! They're an all-guy band called Liquid A and they ALL sing. They sing everything from Kanye West's "Golddigger" to Metallica's "Enter the Sandman" to Kenny Loggin's "Footloose". Please tell me how I can become their groupie! I'll check them out every week if I can! Ain't gonna fall asleep now! I can party all night as long as there's music!

Anal-versary

So today is my last day of work. Yippee!! I've put in 7 long years with Hecht's and although I love many people that I've encountered over my career here and enjoyed working in the distribution center and stores, I hated the culture (very bureaucratic).

So my co-workers and boss are taking me to lunch today since it's my last day - isn't that sweet? At lunch, my co-workers take one last opportunity to rag on me (cause I'm an easy target, you see...EVERYONE makes fun of me, EVERYWHERE I go - not that I mind of course). Teasing me about my fashion sense and my office antics (my humming/tooting, ADD, and hyper-activity). Tomorrow, I'll run into my former distribution center (DC) bosses (gotta say bye to my peeps!) at the hockey game and can take more of the same abuse (yes, I socialize with my DC bosses - I think they were hashers when they were younger).

My boss has one last task for me, though...."Dye your hair back!"

I'm tired of everyone telling me how they hate the color and I do hate my bangs, so I take the phone number of HER hairstylist and I make an appointment for 2:30pm. Well, 5 hours later, miracles have been performed. Why so long? Well, the first treatment wasn't effective and lost an hour (well, I did get some major reading done on Knife of Dreams - excellent so far, btw).

If I had taken my hash bag with me to the hair stylist everything would have been okay, but I left it at work so I had to hightail it from Georgetown back to Ballston and somehow pick up the main body of the hash. I find out where the beer check is by calling PSA who's brew-crewing tonight, and run (with my bag) to the Seebee Memorial (I think that's what it's called). I get there just as the last of the pack arrives.

Boy is it dark outside! Even with my headlamp on, I can't recognize anyone. And for a few moments there, I can't even locate MM!! I can always find him - I just have to stop and listen (he's very loud)! He's off taking a piss, apparently. That explains it - if you can't hear him, he's just NOT there.

We run back almost exactly the same way I came - at least I get a spot of exercise tonight! OFE highly discourages me from walking without a beer in my hand, but I mistakenly pick up a dark beer instead of the Miller High Life that's available. Yuck! that dark beer is really hoppy! Blaaaacccch! I don't wanna drink this.

I ask Porn to Fail, "Do you want my beer? I'll trade you."
"I've got the dark beer, too, hon. But mine's smaller."
MM interjects here, "PTF, why don't you double-fist her?"

MM!! Did you mean to say that??!! OMG! Ain't no type of fisting going on right here, thank you very much!

Today is my anal-versary (actually last week was, but who's counting?). I've logged 17 runs with EWH3 and get my necklace. Yay!! Now I can put my charms on my necklace and have people know who I am (but I won't stop my social routine, never fear!).

Surprise! Just Shannon is in town. Good to see you, girl! She's down from Buffalo for the weekend. She's got such a great sense of humor! I feel guilty, though, that I've been out of touch recently. With all the hoopla surrounding my resignation, I just haven't been as accessible via e-mail recently.

The on-on-on is at the Continental, which is 3 floors below us from the roof of the parking garage.

I ask RU-469, "Wanna go down with me?".

Provocative, aren't I? I do get a smile, though. I love making people smile!

Porn, keep your hands to yourself!! Just because I look warm doesn't mean I want your COLD hands on my belly! My temperature went down 5 degrees by warming you up. Very unpleasant AND shocking! Don't any of you other fools get any notions into your noggins! Don't grab what doesn't belong to you!

I've had quite a few drinks tonight between the rum and cokes and the jager-bomb (my first!).

OFE tells me, "The guys keep getting cuter and taller the more you drink, don't they?"

Hmmm....you know you just might be right about that, OFE. Drinking is a dangerous business - who knows what I might do?

I've found out. I get affectionate. Just Kelly and I hug and sway together for about 10 minutes. She's so adorable and friendly. It's no wonder everyone loves her.

Top 100 Songs: 1993 - Yes, I'm Old!

This is a pretty cool meme for music buffs. Click here to complete it yourself. Scroll all the way to the bottom and pick the year you graduated high school. Bold the songs you like, italicize the ones that you think suck and "red" the ones you can't remember and just leave alone the ones you don't really give a f*ck about.

1. I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston
2. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team
3. Can't Help Falling In Love, UB40
4. That's The Way Love Goes, Janet Jackson
5. Freak, Silk
6. Weak, SWV
7. If I Ever Fall In Love, Shai
8. Dreamlover, Mariah Carey
9. Rump Shaker, Wreckx-N-Effect
10. Informer, Snow
11. Nuthin' But A "G" Thang, Dr. Dre
12. In The Still Of The Nite, Boyz II Men
13. Don't Walk Away, Jade
14. Knockin' Da Boots, H-Town
15. Lately, Jodeci
16. Dazzey Duks, Duice
17. Show Me Love, Robin S.
18. A Whole New World, Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle
19. If, Janet Jackson
20. I'm So Into You, SWV
21. Love Is, Vanessa Willlams and Brian Mcknight
22. Runaway Train, Soul Asylum
23. I'll Never Get Over You (Getting Over Me), Expose
24. Ditty, Paperboy
25. Rhythm Is A Dancer, Snap
26. The River Of Dreams, Billy Joel
27. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles), Proclaimers
28. Two Princes, Spin Doctors
29. Right Here (Human Nature)-Downtown, SWV
30. I Have Nothing, Whitney Houston
31. Mr. Wendal, Arrested Development
32. Have I Told You Lately, Rod Stewart
33. Saving Forever For You, Shanice
34. Ordinary World, Duran Duran
35. If I Had No Loot, Tony! Toni! Tone!
36. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf
37. Slam, Onyx
38. Looking Through Patient Eyes, P.M. Dawn
39. I'm Every Woman, Whitney Houston
40. Baby I'm Yours, Shai
41. Come Undone, Duran Duran
42. I Don't Wanna Fight, Tina Turner
43. I'd Die Without You, P.M. Dawn
44. Whoot, There It Is, 95 South
45. Hip Hop Hooray, Naughty By Nature
46. Another Sad Love Song, Toni Braxton
47. Will You Be There, Michael Jackson
48. Comforter, Shil
49. Good Enough, Bobby Brown
50. What's Up, 4 Non Blondes
51. All That She Wants, Ace Of Base
52. 7, Prince and The New Power Generation
53. Dre Day, Dr. Dre
54. One Last Cry, Brian McKnight
55. Just Kickin' It, Xscape
56. I Get Around, 2Pac
57. Bed Of Roses, Bon Jovi
58. Real Love, Mary J. Blige
59. Here We Go Again!, Portrait
60. Cryin', Aerosmith
61. Cats In The Cradle, Ugly Kid Joe
62. What About Your Friends, TLC
63. I Got A Man, Positive K
64. Hey Mr. D.J., Zhane
65. Insane In The Brain, Cypress Hill
66. Deeper And Deeper, Madonna
67. Rain, Madonna
68. The Right Kind Of Love, Jeremy Jordan
69. Bad Boys, Inner Circle
70. That's What Love Can Do, Boy Krazy
71. Do You Believe In Us, Jon Secada
72. Angel, Jon Secada
73. Forever In Love, Kenny G
74. Again, Janet Jackson
75. Boom! Shake The Room, DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince
76. When She Cries, Restless Heart
77. Sweat (A La La La La Long), Inner Circle
78. It Was A Good Day, Ice Cube
79. More And More, Captain Hollywood Project
80. How Do You Talk To An Angel, Heights
81. Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat), Digable Planets
82. What Is Love, Haddaway
83. To Love Somebody, Michael Bolton
84. Give It Up, Turn It Loose, En Vogue
85. Alright, Kris Kross
86. Check Yo Self, Ice Cube
87. Fields Of Gold, Sting
88. Ooh Child, Dino 89. Faithful w/ Go West
90. Reason To Believe, Rod Stewart
91. Break It Down Again, Tears For Fears
92. Nothin' My Love Can't Fix, Joey Lawrence
93. Three Little Pigs, Green Jelly
94. Livin' On The Edge, Aerosmith
95. Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
96. If I Ever Lose My Faith In You, Sting
97. Anniversary, Tony! Toni! Tone!
98. One Woman, Jade
99. Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Taylor Dayne
100. Two Steps Behind, Def Leppard

Word Verification

You know...I normally don't care about those stinkin' word verification things. I read Can't Stop's blog on how he found "dnutz" and I thought to myself "What's the big deal?".

....until I went to post a comment on Ear Shot's blog, and I saw this:


Doesn't that look like "Oooohhh...F*ck You"? What's blogger up to now?? Did some hacker get inside them and say "I wanna mess with the word verification cause it sucks balls!!"?

Music influences

Your Taste in Music:

80's R&B: Highest Influence

Classic Rock: Highest Influence

90's Hip Hop: High Influence

Dance: High Influence

Old School Hip Hop: High Influence

80's Alternative: Medium Influence

80's Pop: Medium Influence

90's Alternative: Medium Influence

90's Pop: Medium Influence

90's R&B: Medium Influence

Adult Alternative: Medium Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

Hip Hop: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Low Influence

Alternative Rock: Low Influence

Gangsta Rap: Low Influence

Progressive Rock: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Rather interesting test....bring on the hip-hop and R&B!!

$70 Worth of Food

Ahhh...it's so nice waking up to luxurious surroundings and chilled champagne. Mimosas! and how about some breakfast? It doesn't matter what - I'll eat anything! Just Keith can't stay for breakfast with the rest of us, so I walk him to the metro station. It's pretty hot outside and I work up a sweat while walking to the station (I'm walking bra-less, so I'm wearing a cardigan over my spaghetti-strap top). As soon as I return to the hotel room, I remove the cardigan and the others point out moisture spots under my tits.

MM shouts, "Let's re-name her Big Sweaty Titties! We've got a Big Sweaty P*ssy - they can be a pair!"

Dude! How many times have I told you! I'm NOT gonna get re-named! I won't have it!

Breakfast has already been rapidly devoured by the others (they did leave me some, though - very considerate!). And apparently, the room service guy had a heart attack when he entered the room. My bra hanging off the lamp, an air mattress on the floor, and bottles of booze littered around the room. I would have loved to have seen the expression on his face!

I can't leave this hotel room without experiencing the shower, though! Ooohhh...that feels so good! Great pressure! WTF??!! No locks on the bathroom door?! I ask for some toothpaste and MM walks in on me while I'm changing. MM! you could knock first!

I scream, "Aaaayyyy! Sh*t!"
OFE and M bust out laughing and tell me, "We loved the 'Aaaayyy'."

Sure you did, guys...Don't I get any sympathy for getting walked in on? Hmmmpphh!

Since we've gotta check out by 12pm, we rapidly pack all our stuff up and head to OFE's house to order those most excellent wings from the chinese joint near his house and watch some movies. We pull out the chinese take-out menu and order $70 worth of food - 20 chicken wings, steamed dumplings, crab rangoon, 3 12" subs, and more....all for 5 people! We are some eatin fools!

First, we watch the South Park movie while waiting for our food. Where the hell is it? The dude said it would be a 1/2 hour. Finally! The food has arrived after 45 mins! The movie is almost over, though! What'll we watch next? Oh! Van Wilder! Haven't seen that yet - should be good! Damn that Chinese food that makes you pass out! Does it have that tryptophan stuff in it? I really wanted to watch that movie!

At 3pm, MM and OFE drag my a$$ off the couch and tell me to go to the hash. Okay, guys! I've hung around y'all around all weekend - why stop now? I don't have running shoes, though.

MM yells at me, "I specifically told you to bring your sneakers with you! Why don't you have them?"
"I haven't been home since Friday afternoon! I forgot to pack them!"
OFE says, "I'm surprised you don't keep a pair in your car."
"So am I. It isn't like I don't have 6 pairs at home and couldn't leave one in my car..."

I guess I'm stuck on the walkers trail today (as long as there's no shiggy! Can't have my good clothes from last night ruined! Yes! I'm wearing the same shirt I wore last night, but diff pants).

I ask Designer Bush, "Can I get away with wearing slippers on trail?"
"I wouldn't if I were you."

Okay....but I really don't like how I'm looking today. Def NOT my best. And what's this? MM and OFE can't finish their mimosas? Of course, y'all donate the remainder to me - thanks, guys! Like I really need MORE to drink...

Chickies! Call OFE up and give him some sympathy (sex?) - he's in pain! When exiting one of the tunnels he gets stung multiple times by bees. Meatloaf and other girlies pull off his shirt to inspect the stings. Dude! you give them an excuse, they'll take advantage of you!


Finally, we're at the end! I'm tired of wearing my clod-hoppers and put my Mandarin Oriental slippers on. And what a co-inky-dink! PSA returns my bathrobe to me from the Lingerie Run!

MM sees me in the bathrobe and slippers and says, "That bathrobe better not be from the hotel!"
"Of course not! This bathrobe is from Hawaii!"

So what does he do? He violates me!

He says, "I'd like to violate LNDT for being an attention whore. Apparently, she's not satisfied in attracting attention for wearing the exact same clothing she wore last night because she hasn't been home in 48 hours, but has to wear a bathrobe and slippers too."

Dude! Can I keep any secrets from the hash?

Mandarin Oriental Hotel

So, MM has this $950 room for the weekend and invites a bunch of us to stay and party tonight. How could I pass this one up? The room is gorgeous! A balcony with a view of the Potomac, 3 televisions, including one in the bathroom (you can sit on the toilet and still not miss any of your favorite shows)!

I'm so proud of myself! Friendly Thighs comes by to visit and I help manage to convince her to come out with us to MM's hotel room (even if she is wearing a t-shirt and jeans). Girl! You always look good, no matter what you wear! Don't worry that I'm in my pimp outfit again (leather pants, hat, and sunglasses) - I'm just a show-off. I do try to get her to wear OFE's red dress from the red dress run, but she doesn't like how little the dress covers her a$$. I agree (although OFE doesn't - typical!). I am def uncomfortable when I feel like I've got parts hanging out.

We head out to party hop. First stop - Areola's birthday celebration at The Big Hunt. A decent crowd for 8:30pm. Lots of people are chowing down since the bar has reasonable food. We head out at 10pm for Her She Kisses' birthday party at Local 16. Damn! this bar is packed! We head upstairs for the outdoor patio - it's such a wonderfully warm evening! I guess everyone else has that idea, too.

When we return to the hotel, PSA, MM, Can't Stop, and Just Kelly are partying it up. JK is at it again! She's walking around with a blazer on and nothing underneath it. While we're outside on the balcony, she shows off her tits. That girl def has an impressive rack! DD, you know!

And why did I bring my Trendy Wendy doll? I knew it would cause nothing but trouble! As I walk into the hotel room, Can't Stop is wearing a hotel bathrobe and has my doll tucked into his pants. The fun doesn't stop there! After I recover my doll, I set her down and MM snatches her up and places her head down in his boxers. Dude! I can't touch that doll ever again!

Lady Luck

You Are Internal - Realist - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled internally. If you want something, you make it happen. You don't wait around for things to go your way. You value your independence and don't like others to have control. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

I think I'm lucky, but I certainly have NOT played the game of life flawlessly....

You Can't Give Me Away!

I LOVE my new white, furry hat! I'm wearing it every opportunity that I get! And earlier today, I posted my pimp name, so why shouldn't I dress like a pimp tonight? I'm Luscious Dynamite and I've got my pimp hat and sunglasses on!

While standing in line to sign in, I can't help but overhear one conversation...

MM tells Can't F*ck Dust, "I've got a blonde to give you."
"A blonde to give him?", I intrude, "You just go around giving girls to guys?"
MM shouts out, "If I could get some guy to take you, I would! I've been trying to GIVE you away for months!"

You know...that is so wrong! MM, why are so cruel to me? I guess it's my fault for butting in on the conversation - but how can anyone avoid listening? MM has the decibel level of a rock concert.

It's going to be a really long trail today. When we hit the shot check, I quickly slam 2 vodkas straight. Not cause I'm hardcore or anything, but cause anything wet will do. I'm so thirsty!! Thank God that the beer check isn't too far from the shot check, but my 2 shots have worn off already. That's what happens when you drink and run, isn't it?

Whew! That refreshing wind while I've been running is pretty chilly when I'm standing around. I'm shivering so bad that A Red River Runs Through It takes his shirt off and lets me wear it. ARRRTI, you're so sweet!

I don't know how behind schedule we are, but the hares announce at the beer check that we're gonna head straight for the end. You aren't gonna get any complaints from me!

Now, those poor twins! MM violates them cause "everyone wants to violate the twins." I didn't notice them at all until they were pointed out to me....where are my powers of observation going? I've got to get back in the swing of things! Where's my mind been?

When Am I Gonna Die?

I stole this from You Just Can't Stop! Na-na-na-boo-boo, I'm gonna live longer than you!



Well, my great-grandma just died last year at 97 years of age - I would hope that I would last as long as her. And my Texas grandma is still a member of the Coast Guard and boogie boards with my cousins.

I wanna be a boogie-boarding granny someday!