The First Ever and Only Catered Hash

I’m so unprepared today! When I packed my hash bag this morning, I didn’t check the weather reports and didn’t look outside at the weather, so I only packed a t-shirt and yoga pants for today’s run (at least I had sense enough to pack pants and not shorts!). Am I not aware that it’s the middle of November? With all this unseasonably warm weather, my weather sense is all turned around.

So, inevitably, I’m freezing my a$$ off standing around outside Union Station in my windbreaker/raincoat without a hat or gloves. I’m jumping up and down to get my blood circulating and stay warm when OFE recommends drinking some liquor to warm me up. Great idea! There’s lots of shops in Union Station, there’s gotta be a liquor store inside. I find the liquor store (conveniently located near the entrance for Amtrak) and pay $5 for a flask of Jack Daniels. Not a great price, but certainly not outrageously expensive (Union Station shops are not known for their bargains).

Since I’m being generous today, I pass around my flask of Jack to other hashers that need a quick shot of warmth, as well. That stuff really does the trick! And it’s so smooth going down. But damn that Rodeo! Apparently, his definition of a swig is larger than mine. Between two tokes on my flask, he drinks half the bottle and only left me a swallow! Dude! It’s not cool to take advantage of someone’s generosity!

The hares promise us a short trail cause it’s so cold outside, and for once they keep their promise! I still attempt to shortcut, though, but fail miserably. I’m following A$$ Ogre (who is usually a master short-cutter) and we see a true trail arrow leading over a bridge. Well! That true trail arrow is for the 2^nd part of the trail because the beer van is parked UNDER the bridge. Of course, I don’t realize this until I’m on top of the bridge, so we cut through a construction site and scramble underneath the fence to make our way back to the beer check. So shortcutting doesn’t always pay…

At the end circle, to my surprise (and pleasure), I discover that we are not being served our usual fare. It’s catered food! Apparently, some caterers (whose truck is parked in the same alley) have lots of leftovers and decide to donate them to us hungry hashers. The food is fabulous! We have beef satay, crab cakes, shrimp, steamed dumplings, greek vegetarian pastry, muffins, AND chocolate-covered strawberries!

Just Keith tells me, “Eat Street Meat came in his pants when he saw the meat sticks”.

That is too funny! I think it’s such a funny line that I submit it to the hash scribe as a violation.

We have a naming today. Now sometimes guys get stuck with horrible hash names, but today is an exception. The newest hasher is named “C*cks on Demand” cause he works for a video editing equipment company. And he’s Cum Dumpling’s brother! I didn’t know that! But now that I know, I do see a resemblance…

Now y’all might recall that I met A$ Ogre a while back at a Sh*t hash and was told that he’s king of bra popping. I personally have never experienced this (cause I’ve only been around him in a sports bra), but tonight he gets IHOV. Poor girl! She doesn’t even realize until I ask her to check herself.

I do have to throw one item out to my audience, though. There are a lot of hashers that I call “background”. They’re new, dedicated runners whose circle of friends include other new hashers. Most are unnamed, but a few have been named. These “background” hashers only do one hash a week and don’t go to any of the social events. Why does EWH3 have so many “background” hashers? I can’t believe it’s because these hashers are wallflowers (Can hashers be wallflowers? By definition, we’re active, social people). What can members of the hash do to get these “background” hashers involved? It’s definitely something I puzzle over…