Public Transportation

I totally freaked out tonight. My car is with my mechanic this week and I’m taking the bus in addition to the train to work. I let time get away from me and miss the train I need to catch the last bus home. Fortunately, I find a ride home, which is very considerate in view of the fact that I live in the Glenmont area which is nowhere close to East Falls Church. At least I get home safe without having to crash at someone’s house and show up for work wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row.

Lesson learned:
Don’t go to the on-on-on when you need to take a bus to get back home

What Girls Know

Upon arriving at the Sh*t trail, I notice that Tuppy is still in her work clothes.

I ask her, “Are you walking today or have you not changed yet?
She replies, “I am walking today, but I still need to change.”

A few moments later, she changes into her sports bra in full view of the hash using the time-honored technique of keeping your top on and wiggling and squirming your arms through the appropriate bra holes without removing your top. Now considering a posting from last week on the Sh*t yahoo group, it’s funny that TW wants to keep her boobs hidden from the rest of the hash.

OFE must not understand the skills required to accomplish such a move and asks, “How can you manage to put your bra on that way?”
Just Melissa (I think that’s her name) responds, “Don’t you know? Girls learn this skill in gym class in junior high.”

Too right! Just think how insecure 12 and 13-year old girls are at that age (it’s sprouting time!). Now later when discussing last year’s Full Moon Lingerie run, Designer Bush mentions that she gave OFE assistance last year when he was trying on garters and stockings.

I ask OFE, “You didn’t know how to put on garters? I’ve never worn them, but at least I know how they are fastened to stockings.”
OFE retorts, “Well, I didn’t receive lessons in junior high that taught me how to put on bras and stockings!”

Dude, you should at least know how to take them OFF women (you have encountered women wearing garters, haven't you?)!

Drip Dry and I are going to compete to see who has the sunniest disposition (of course, we want the other person to win - do people really like individuals that are ALWAYS happy?). I told her that she’s always smiling and giving compliments, while she claims I was still smiling while puking my guts up. I’ll have to start keeping a tally of when I’m in a bad mood versus her to see who’s going to win this competition.

MM warns me that I have not yet escaped the hash shit – so I need to be on my best behavior this week because there is no way in hell I can run with that stinking contraption that’s been fused together. If I get the hash shit I will walk trails and I don’t want to walk, dammit! I want to run! I do sympathize with Metro, though. If I thought the White House hash shit was bad, the Sh*t hash shit weighs, like, 3 times more! At least she gave it up today (pun! pun!) – Roofie has it now (for a pic that Toothfairy posted on Digby’s).

Lessons learned today:
Running a Sh*t trail is very different from a White House or Everyday is Wednesday trail. The Sh*t hash doesn’t use circles for checks, they have different true trail marks for runners and walkers, and their bad trail marks are three parallel lines instead of an X. I also learned a few things that a hasher with my hash count should know by now, but since I’m a DFL it has never come up before: only hares can lay true trail arrows – runners lay pack arrows instead; also, the person with the hash shit has to take it with them to EVERY hash (regardless of whether it’s their home hash or not) until they relinquish it. So even with almost 3 months of hashing under my belt, I don’t quite know everything! Although I’m getting there!

Macy's Takeover is Official

Well, it's official now. I am now a Macy's employee. I'm guaranteed a job until March 1^st of next year, but I should probably get my ass busting on finding a steady paycheck. Anybody know of any jobs that I can slack off at and still hash and party almost every night of the week? I do have a MBA!

Avoiding the Hash Shit

It's a small hash tonight in Forest Glen (Bumf***), MD, which means it's actually in my neck of the woods. The weather is great and the trail is challenging (I only wish that the 1^st half is longer than the 2^nd half - it really makes it much easier to prepare). A novelty tonight, though - railroad tracks! It's not easy running on the tracks, there are large rocks and you need to adjust your pace so that you land ON a railroad tie, not between them. In addition, as half the hashers are running down the tracks, crossing a bridge, the railroad crossing guards come down warning us of an approaching train. As a result, half the pack has to sit for 10 minutes as we wait for the train to pass by (we're on the wrong side of the tracks). Plenty of shiggy, lots of hills, but overall I enjoy the run (funny how my attitude towards running regularly is changing!).
Now at the ending circle, MM violates me for puking off the back of his boat, but doesn't say a word when it's time for the hash shit (he hopes someone from the party will appear to nominate me - he doesn't want to have it hanging on his conscience). However, MM doesn't stop with just me, he also violates Just Tom for interrupting the 2 lesbians making out in his cabin. In turn, MM gets violated for having 2 lesbians on his boat and not scoring with either of them. So guess who earns the hash shit for the 3^rd week in a row? Motormouth! Cause he didn't have any positive things to say about having lesbians in attendance (also, for having an overly large mouth for such a small hash - man, you can't invite so much attention on yourself!). So, whew! a close one! No one attended the hash that could have nominated me for the hash shit because it was in my neck of the woods - I totally lucked out this time! But just wait! I'm sure I will have another situation where I make a fool of myself - it's only a matter of time.
Sidenote: Miracle of miracles! My missing earring from the F'Art Festival is returned to me! I am so lucky! Who would have thought that Rocket Socket would stumble across it in the grass while packing up on Sunday and give it to Bad Ditch for safe keeping? Now the only item that is permanently lost from the F'Art Festival is my amber sun pendant that fell off while tubing (and it's replaceable! I found it on the Internet for $21 - I'm buying that bad boy!). Now if only I can recover the missing items from last Friday night - only time will tell...

Pool Party

I've never been to a Full Moon Hash before - the run is short, but gets me sweaty enough that jumping in the pool at Designer Bush's house is a relief. Also, not many people run, so I get to feel like a FRB since I'm running close to the head (who said head?) of the pack. Of course, I break out my bikini once we reach the pool! Essential summer wear - never leave home without it!

I discover the water jets in the pool and introduce them to DITE and Nasty When Wet. I demonstrate how soothing (thrilling!) the jets feel on your abdomen (and other places!). The three of us fight over how much time we get to spend in front of the jet (there are other jets as PSA points out - yeah, but this one is in the shallow end - I can hit any part I want here!).

I also mount the giant Nemo, which isn't easy. First, I have to get my leg up and over the fish's back. Then, I have to jump and get my ass positioned so I won't fall off. I wasn't too successful the first time I tried mounting the fish, so I am nominated for a violation in the ending circle. I really haven't figured out yet what was so amusing about me riding Nemo (please provide pics, I need to understand!).

Playing in the water is so much fun! I try to relax a bit, but for some reason, I'm generating lots of attention today. When I relax on one of the floats, SCAB tells me to come over for a spanking. Well, I enjoy spanking guys, so of course I swim over. But damn! He means I'm going to get the spanking - both him and 2 Short 2 Phlop spank me simultaneously and leave giant handprints on either side of my ass. That hurt! But why am I laughing? It's still funny! I do get to spank DITE later when she steals my float.

That's not the only practical joke SCAB plays on me either. When I'm laying on my float, he pulls the float over to him, grabs my legs and lifts them in the air.

He says, "I bet this isn't the first time a guy has gotten your legs in the air!"

Ha ha...you're really funny, SCAB (I'm trying to be sarcastic here).

Of course, what party is complete without some games? Put It Out designed some relay games involving swimming with men's underwear and chugging beer and another that requires filling an empty cup with beer carried across the pool. I'm nominated to two teams and volunteer to swim across first for both teams. I don't disappoint on the swimming portion, but dude! I am not capable of chugging a beer. My teammates pour the beer on top of my head to get me moving. I can't say I really care at this point - DITE poured a margarita all in my hair during the circle, so what's a little beer? Besides, I'm in a pool, it'll come off. I'm on the winning team for both relays - does that say something about my competitive nature? I do enjoy the spotlight!

Taking it Slow

I occasionally volunteer at the National Zoo and earlier in the year met quite a few people that have turned out to be very good friends (It’s A Hard C*ck Life was one – she introduced me to the hash). Tonight, I’m going to a house party for another volunteer buddy, A (can’t use full names for privacy reasons). I’m pretty glad to be heading to a house party because I’m still feeling queasy from the previous night’s misadventure and want to have a low-key evening.

A has a good crowd – some personal friends, work buddies, and family members. I hang out with her work buddies for the most part because her other friends are absorbed by the children and babies in attendance (I don’t have anything against kids! – I just can’t relate as easy). I’ve met one of A’s work buddies before, M, and since I was with IAHCL when I met him, he’s fascinated by hashing (esp. since he’s also a LNDT blog junkie!). Both A and M tell me that they’re living their party lives vicariously through my blog. Well, I always say that my purpose in life is to please and amuse others! A’s other two work buddies are also entertaining and happen to be (coincidentally!) from the same town in CA. Well, K is an interesting creature! She used to work as a civilian in the correctional system. And boy! Does she have some stories to share! Remind me never to go into the correctional system. She told this one story of experiencing a blackout that gave me the willies (an inmate was giggling manically behind one of her co-workers – freaky!). Good times, great conversation, and maybe I've evangelized enough about hashing to gain a few more recruits. We'll see....

When I get home at 12am, I check my phone for messages and see that OFE replied to a text I sent out earlier in the day. MM was teasing me earlier about my lack of street smarts (he is so determined to pass the hash shit onto me!), so he asked me to find out what the term ATM means (he later assigns me the term 420 friendly, too). Now, I promise to ask multiple hashers what ATM means on Monday, but in the meantime OFE suggests I look it up on google (what a novel idea! why didn't I think of that?). Well, to say the least, when I look the term up through google, I'm horrified of the practical joke that MM was going to pull on me! MM, what kind of rep are you trying to give me? I'm already notorious in my own circle - you trying to make me infamous to the entire hash community? Def would have earned hash shit for this one!

Stupidity....No, Sheer Idiocy

Metro informed me that it’s bad blog etiquette to write in 3^rd person. Although I enjoy the challenge of writing in the 3^rd person, it also makes it easier to criticize my lame-brain actions. But since she insists, I will switch over to 1^st person and see how it goes.

At around 8pm, I walk along the Georgetown waterfront looking for MM’s boat. After walking halfway down the boardwalk and not spying him, I run into Dr. J (I love Dr. J!).

I ask Dr. J, “Have you seen MM?”
“He’s down there (pointing farther down the pier). Who are you?”
“I’m W. Don’t you remember me?”
“Take off the sunglasses, girl – I didn’t recognize you with clothing on!”
“Hey, you’ve never seen me naked!”
“Yeah, but whenever MM pulls his boat up beside mine, you’re never wearing anything more than your bikini the entire night.”
I grin, “Yeah, you’re right about that!”
Dr. J asks “Where’s your bikini tonight?”
“Oh, I didn’t bring it. These are my party clothes (I’m wearing a mini and a spaghetti-strap top).”
“Well, you stop by again later. Okay?”

I jump on MM’s boat where the party is going in full force. Now at this point, I’m starving since I haven’t eaten since noon, so I break out one of the bags of chips I brought. I don’t eat many, though, cause MM says Roadkill will be arriving soon with hotdogs and hamburgers. I mix myself a drink and socialize with Metro, OFE, and Nippon Tuck.

At some point, MM’s neighbor Jim comes aboard and spies me in my outfit.

He yells, “Who’s that? Come stand next to me!”

I approach him and introduce myself.

He replies “Oh, don’t tell me your name. I won’t remember it even if I f*** you.”

WTF?? Who the hell would say that to a chick when meeting them? I’m a little put off by that comment, so I return to talking about drunken behavior with my buddies. In fact, Metro is discussing the Sh*t Beach Invasion and mentions that she vomited at one point.

I, Little Miss Braggart say, “I had such a bad experience when I was 20 that I haven’t been sick in 9 years.”

Well, way to go! I just invited bad karma upon myself! Because within 2 hours of boarding MM’s boat, I had 2 full sized drinks and a handful of chips and a bite of a burrito. A recipe for disaster!

When I start feeling queasy from the liquor I’ve drunk (which by the way, wasn't much - I didn't even drink a ¼ of what I drank at beach invasion), I ask OFE for assistance to climb onto the swim platform. Within 60 seconds, I spew the entire contents of my stomach into the Potomac. Now according to MM, everything froze when I let go…all the people on the boats next to us, all the hashers on MM’s boat, all the people walking along the boardwalk – EVERYONE saw me make a fool of myself. I’m comfortable with making a fool of myself usually because I’m just a clown and an attention-seeker, but bodily functions? I want to keep that stuff private, so to say the least, I am really beating myself up bad over this one. Oh, and in case you like hearing a thoroughly raunchy story – the ducks came by to clean up the mess!

However, on a positive note, I must have given OFE enough warning about my predicament cause he is totally prepared to jump in the water after me if I fall in (removing the tons of electronic equipment hidden in his cargo shorts – is there a reason you need to carry so much junk around all the time?). I totally pass out at this point. I can only recall occasionally rolling over and seeing OFE trying to hold onto me as I'm trying to get all the liquor out of my system (dude, I'm sorry I messed up your evening!). I know the guys got me to somehow move myself back onto the boat, but damn I hurt! My wrist is sore and my left butt cheek and thigh are all bruised up! I totally have to shout out to Metro, though – you are wonderful! She rubs my back the entire evening while I’m having dry heaves and takes care of me (and I didn’t really even know her that well from the camping trip!). It just goes to show you how tightly knit hashers are (esp. the Sh*t hashers). So, now that I’ve broken my 9-year streak and am feeling pretty stupid, I get further word that my actions will probably earn my right to the hash shit (isn’t this acceptable hash behavior?).

Also, my list of destroyed/lost belongings is growing...I lost ANOTHER silver hoop earring (Thank God I have a discount at Hecht's!), my strap on my top broke off (fixable!), and Roadkill ran off with my superstar sunglasses (I know you covet them, but give them back!).

She Wears Her Sunglasses at Night

LNDT runs again! Thursdays are turning out to be excellent running days – she’s moving up in the pack! At the beer check, the hares hand out glow necklaces and LNDT picks out a bright green one and places it around her neck. Apparently, between LNDT’s superstar sunglasses, flat-ironed hair, and turquoise sports bra, she is becoming the coordinated fashionista of the hash (the green sets off all the other colors she’s wearing!).

Of course, since she had her hair “done” on Monday, she tells people, “Watch your beer around the hair!”.

Moisture makes LNDT’s hair curl up, and she wants the flat-iron to last as long as possible – she even put her hair up in a ponytail to avoid sweating on it (she’s really getting pretentious, isn’t she?)!

Since the run ends in Adams Morgan, hashers congregate at the Marie Reed park (the ONE Adams Morgan drinking spot!). Unfortunately, there are kickballers occupying the field, so the hashers have pretty much nowhere to roam except in the street. The hashers must have disturbed some people because the cops come and kick us out (we never had an ending circle!), so we head to the bar early.

Millie and Al’s has a karaoke machine and the virgins all sing a rousing edition of “Like A Virgin” for the hashers. What fun! – of course, LNDT has to sing along too!

While chatting with Wang Chunks, LNDT spots a Tom Cruise look-a-like and asks WC to confirm the resemblance.

He agrees and LNDT spontaneously says, “If he hasn’t been named yet, wouldn’t Frisky Business be a great name?”

He roars with laughter and brings Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me and REV into the conversation. They come up with even more suggestions including One Eye Wide Shut and Emissions Impossible. Unfortunately, Mr. Tom Cruise is not a DC hasher – he’s a virgin brought by the Carolina Trashers (the one time when LNDT has a streak of creativity – it’s wasted! Damn it!). We pass our naming suggestions onto his Carolina Trash buddies (but will they even remember?). Oh well!

Now explain to LNDT why a bar would purposely give the men more urination receptacles than the women! The women’s bathroom had ONE toilet, while the men’s bathroom had a toilet AND a urinal. The women (impatiently waiting in line) commandeer the men’s toilet while only allowing the men access to the urinal.

Finally, on the romantic front – no action today….but LNDT did score the digits for Just Virginia and Nasty When Wet offered to kiss her (LNDT didn’t succumb, but they did share a cute sunglasses at night pic), so it didn’t turn out too bad!

Hash Scribe Tryouts

LNDT is thinking about applying for a post as hash scribe. LNDT needs some more practice, though. She’s only been blogging for about 2 months and this will be her 30^th post. But in order to succeed, LNDT needs to start carrying a tablet around with her. While mentally reviewing the days events on her 1 hr commute on metro (don’t even start on the MD bashing!), she had many brilliant ideas, but since she didn’t have the foresight to bring LOTS of paper with her, her wise-ass comments will be lost in perpetuity (sigh…).

So…what’s on the agenda for this evening? Oh, Toothfairy’s pre-lewb at Whitlows on Wilson. LNDT hopes to see some fresh blood attending this pre-lewb (is LNDT still fresh? She’s been hanging out with hashers a lot – she may have lost her novelty appeal already. God forbid!). She isn’t disappointed too much: Salt Lick Titties, IHOV (is she transplanting from Carolina trash or just visiting?), Double-Stuffed Whoreo, and I’d Do ‘Er all make an appearance.

LNDT is glad to catch up with her Lake Rawlins dive buddy, DSW, and her boyfriend, Just Scott. In fact, Just Scott says something great about Anal Fission going down (on someone? On something? For some reason LNDT thinks it had something to do with the gay-o-meter posting on Digby’s earlier today), but since LNDT didn’t have a tablet with her on metro, she forgot exactly what he said (girl! You’re never gonna make hash scribe if you don’t get your shit together!)

She does remember one conversation, though:

Señor Doucheberg threatened her, saying, “You mention me on your blog, and I’ll hack your site”.

Well, hack this, biyotch! Besides you know telling a hasher NOT to do something makes the hasher do it. LNDT isn’t going to back down from this dare. And don’t threaten her! LNDT can’t tell when you’re joking around or serious – you can be scary sometimes, SDB.

Driving

LNDT loves driving. She loves speed. She inserts Nine Inch Nails into the CD player. She's angry tonight. She f****d up. She rests the palm of her hand on the tip of the shifter as she feels the engine vibrate underneath. She can feel the power course through the shifter as she guns the engine to 3500-4000 rpms while shifting to a higher gear. Her tires claw up a hill and LNDT forcefully downshifts to gain more traction. The pulsating beat is rhythmic in the air while the open windows blow her hair haphazardly around her face. She needs this time - this time to take control of an object when she feels everything else in her life is spinning out of control. Driving gives her a moment of catharsis, provides the near-orgasmic thrill she needs to control the overwhelming tide of emotion she's bottling up inside herself.

The Wonders of Stretching

Lots of unknown people at the hash tonight and LNDT is feeling intimidated tonight (this has got to stop! LNDT has been uneasy around strangers since Saturday – what’s come over her? Highly unusual!). Decent run, but not performing as well as last Thursday – beach invasion must have sapped lots of energy. Her running buddies are missing (Who’s she going to keep pace with today? Oh, virgins! Lots of them!).

Hares messed up the location for the ending circle – you know a well-lit parking garage with bitchy security guards isn’t going to cut it, so why try? Hashers have to walk 8 blocks north to dark, secluded parking lot (that’s more like it!). LNDT likes this location much better because the ground isn’t slimy nasty like the previous location and she can practice her flexibility.

Stretching is very important! LNDT is very careful to stretch after EVERY hash – who wants injuries? Guys are awed by one particular stretch that LNDT has been practicing – a stretch for adductors (inside thigh muscle). LNDT used to be a gym rat 3 years ago and is fascinated by fitness and nutrition trivia. LNDT has been stretching enough recently that she has advanced into an isometric stretch for her adductors that permits her to place her forehead on her feet. In order to complete the move, a hasher pushes down on LNDT’s back to deepen the stretch and get her abdomen closer to the ground. Impressive, no? You try it!

2 Tanks comments “I wish I was still capable of stretching.”
LNDT replies “Anyone can take up stretching and become very flexible. It just takes practice.”
“No way, I’m too old.”
LNDT (forever giving pep talks) “You’re never too old – it may take longer to reach the same level of flexibility, but anyone can do it.”
“What’s the use? My health and liver will be shot from consuming alcohol.”
LNDT trivia fact for the day: “The liver is a very versatile organ. Did you know it’s the only organ that is capable of regenerating?”

2 Tanks doesn’t believe her, but LNDT promises to send him proof.

At the bar, LNDT catches up with Woolly Mammaries, Designer Bush, and PSA who’ve just returned from EuroHash. LNDT has itchy boobs from sand mites and is complaining loudly about her misery (quit whining, cry baby!). Woolly Mammaries was attacked by bugs in Holland and compares his bites to LNDT’s (he beats her hands down! Poor guy!).

MM tells LNDT “Quit playing with your boobs!”

Can’t help it! LNDT likes to play with herself!

Sh*t Beach Invasion: Day 3 Recovery

OFE and LNDT pack their gear and head back to DC. Before leaving, though, OFE impulsively takes a detour to go off-roading through the mud. How thrilling! – he splashes through the ruts in the road churning up mud, spins in a circle, and heads back for the main road. Good idea!

At some point, OFE drives with his arm outstretched behind him. LNDT is tempted to tickle his armpit since it makes an inviting target, but suppresses the urge since he’s hung over and driving (not a good idea to mess with someone when they’re concentrating, period). Why’s LNDT in this playful mood today? Probably cause her hangover was the previous evening and she only drank water afterwards.

LNDT goes home and immediately jumps in the shower. Ugghh, LNDT feels gross – there’s sand everywhere and she itches all over from the numerous bug bites – she hopes the poison ivy isn’t spreading! She attempts to shave her legs, but the poison ivy has scabbed over so bad that she is unable to shave the front of her right leg. She hopes it won’t be too long before the scabs heal – she doesn’t want inch long hairs growing on the front of her leg – disgusting! LNDT catches up on her housework by doing 4 loads of laundry while sleeping the rest of the day away. At least this time LNDT didn’t leave her house keys in her front door like she did after the F’Art Festival!

Sh*t Beach Invasion: Day 2 I See...Naked People

LNDT is awakened around 2:30am by the sound of TW screaming, “Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!”.

Damn, that girl is loud! (apparently, she is imitating Metro Ho’s attitude – at least that’s what LNDT gathered) Climbing out of her tent, LNDT is immediately confronted by tons of naked hashers. She sits next to Hasher #3 on OFE’s cooler, while trying to avoid the large mass of naked people near the fire. Hasher #3 starts rubbing LNDT’s back. She is unsure what kind of signal he’s sending, but to play it safe she walks to the restroom (LNDT is not attracted to Hasher #3). She also observes a couple getting it on in front of DITE’s tent (one happens to be Hasher #1 – good luck, dude! – wish you the best!).

Returning from the bathroom, LNDT skirts the large mass of naked people hanging out (they’ve now moved away from the light, so LNDT doesn’t have to avert her eyes too much!). LNDT sits next to RU-469 again and learns that the non-hashers that made LNDT uneasy earlier touched TW inappropriately. They were promptly sent away. OFE approaches the two while they're sitting and, thankfully, puts his clothes back on.

RU-469 tells him, “You were the most tolerable of the naked offenders.”

LNDT agrees although she laughs at the statement (She might be intimidated by public nudity, but she can still distinguish the difference between scary shapes and non-scary ones!).

While sitting conversing, I’d Do ‘Er comes through and asks for someone that speaks Spanish because DITE (who’s Peruvian) is missing. LNDT is fluent in Spanish and volunteers. She walks out to the beach and two Hispanics are standing on the beach.

She asks (in Spanish), “What would you like?”
They reply, “Do you have any cigarettes?”
LNDT and IDE think the guys look sketchy and tell them, “No, we don’t have any.”

LNDT and IDE then walk away and return back to the tent. 5 minutes later, the same 2 Hispanics walk up to the tractor guy and attempt to hang out with the hashers. OFE promptly dismisses them – Thanks a bunch! LNDT didn’t like the looks of them! (However, they must not have gotten the picture because they came back later after LNDT went to bed and DITE had to chase them off in Spanish).

LNDT heads for bed and runs into hasher #2 on the way to her tent. She assumes he is still interested because when she states she’s heading for bed, he asks for a hug. Of course, she hugs him, but a hug isn’t going to score him an invitation into her tent!

Sh*t Beach Invasion: Day 2 Hangover

LNDT is hung over after her nap and doesn’t quite hit the highs from earlier in the day. She wakes up and finds lots of strangers in the campground. She’s a bit uneasy by all the new people and doesn’t feel like socializing since she’s hung over.

LNDT sits with Nub and RU-469 by the fire. Apparently, both admire each other quite a bit and discuss what great features the other has. This is probably ludicrous and both are probably mutually glad they’re only friends, but it seems tragic to LNDT that these two have such large physical restraints that prevent them from being more than just friends (sheesh! LNDT is definitely having a weird, introspective, emotional viewpoint this weekend).

Despite the jellyfish stings from the previous evening and earlier in the day, the hashers decide to have another naked ocean circle. LNDT only observes the action from a distance (no, she can’t see anything in the darkness, so she has no reason to be intimidated by dicks flapping in the wind). Of course, a large multitude get stung by jellyfish, so the ocean circle breaks up pretty quickly. Since the hashers were naked, many get stung in extremely sensitive areas.

After the naked trek in the ocean, LNDT returns to the fire circle to dance, but is discouraged by the non-hashers in the campground. LNDT doesn’t dance with strangers, only people she’s comfortable with! LNDT has learned the hard way that her suggestive dancing makes guys think she’s leading them on, by only dancing with people she knows she doesn’t have to worry about that issue. Since a non-hasher tries to grope her while she’s dancing, she walks away and heads to her tent to avoid them. She takes a nap and hopes the environment will change in a few hours when the non-hashers leave.

Sh*t Beach Invasion: Day 2 Shot Trail

The day starts out slow with most people sitting around recapping the previous day’s events in a circle. LNDT jumps around from spot to spot trying to avoid the bacon grease smoke and the sun’s rays.

Nub shows appreciation for LNDT’s necklace. The necklace has an unusual white stone and is shaped like a sun (LNDT’s favorite symbol – she has suns and sunflowers throughout her home). Of course, the other guys think Nub is looking at LNDT’s tits and agree with him.

Nub restates his appreciation again, “That’s a wonderful pair of necklaces, you have there.”

LNDT is laughing so hard that she doubles over with laughter. LCTW asks the others to keep LNDT laughing – apparently, LNDT’s tits bounce while laughing (is that an attractive feature?).

LNDT and DITE drink shot for shot on the beach trail. Just as we’re leaving, the truth is revealed! LNDT was right! DITE was the moaner on the WH4 camping trip! DITE had a good laugh by making LNDT obsess over the identity, though! Ha! Just you wait, DITE! LNDT will get you back!

Shots:

1. Tequila! Yum! DITE and LNDT have 3 apiece. Viva Mexico!
2. Something fruity with coconut rum – 2 apiece
3. Lemondrops?
4. Bailey’s, Goldschlager, and other stuff – 2 apiece
5. Jell-o shots – 2 apiece (1 green, 1 red)

At shot #4, DITE and LNDT tell everyone they are tit sisters since both wear the same size bra (38C, you know!). DITE wants the guys to understand the differences between A, B, C, and D cups, so she has some of the girls line up in order of cup size and asks the men to feel the differences. LNDT and DITE also volunteer for the effort and provide demonstrations for the C cup contingent.

Ah, what fun! DITE and LNDT frolic in the sand posing for the cameras. DITE removes LNDT’s bikini top, but LNDT doesn’t let it bother her – she covers her tits with her hands and runs around hiding her tits from everyone’s view (her logic escapes everyone!).
At this point, DITE has had enough fun and passes out. FT and LNDT make sure that DITE is okay and watched over, but LNDT can’t help but feel a little bit guilty for encouraging her to drink multiple shots. DITE drank just as much as LNDT, but LNDT is fine (she should have known the liquor would hit DITE harder because she is only ½ LNDT’s size!). The other hashers have fun with DITE by burying her in the sand, placing pudding cups on her tits, and a horseshoe crab shell over her crotch (she caught crabs!).

LNDT at this point is feeling sleepy again (damn liquor! Why does it have that effect on LNDT?) and takes a late afternoon nap.

Sh*t Beach Invasion: Day 1 Midnight Revelations

LNDT gets back up around 3:30am after waking to the boom box still playing and the sound of hashers dancing the night away. LNDT learns she missed a naked circle that was held in the ocean and that DITE got violated for wearing clothing. Since LNDT missed the naked hash, several male hashers request that she strip. Well, we all know LNDT’s feelings about being naked in public, so she compromises by changing into her bikini (she does serve to please!).

And How’s Her Bush asks LNDT why she started hashing and LNDT (the true multi-tasker) has several reasons:

1. To lose weight
2. To socialize (and meet guys!)
3. Keep busy

TW, AHHB, and LCTW are incredulous that LNDT feels the need to lose weight, but LNDT used to weigh 155 lbs 3 years ago (before gaining 35 lbs while attending classes to get her MBA). Hashing isn’t the best way to lose weight, but LNDT has dropped 10 lbs and lost 2 inches all around since June (previously: 190 lbs vs. 180 and 41-31-46 vs. 40-29-42). LNDT learns she outweighs LCTW by 25lbs and TW by 5 lbs – they can’t believe it!

They state, “You’re not large enough to hide 180 lbs.”

Well believe it or not, the scale doesn’t lie. LNDT hides the extra weight in the upper thighs and glutes (also, LNDT packs a lot of muscle under her layer of fat – don’t mess with her! She always comes out on top!). At least LNDT is a low-risk target for heart attack due to her exceptional waist-hip ratio.

Now of course, the conversation has to turn to matters of a sexual context and LNDT is asked the following questions:

Does she trim her lawn? Of course, everyday

Mow the lawn? 1/8 inch, baby!

Stamina? 4X an evening (An evening does last 8-10 hours, you know! Space it out!)

What!!? The guys seem a little dumbfounded (is it not possible? Maybe not everyday 4X, but shit! having that kind of performance 1-2 days a week isn’t asking much, is it?). Of course, LNDT is a light sleeper (unless in an alcoholic stupor) – look at how often she jumps up after a couple of hours of sleep to go socialize more – if she stays in bed with a partner that’s pretty much the frequency she sticks to. They do state that LNDT better demonstrate some variety or it will get old after a while (Don’t worry! LNDT may not have a super-extensive bag of tricks, but she’s willing to learn!). But Miss Drama Queen secretly frets that she may not be capable of backing up her claim anymore (when she was 25 she could, but she’s now 29 – she’s heard “Use it or lose it” can apply).

LNDT usually has a hard time picking up signals from guys, but believes two hashers are showing lots of interest by conversing with her for most of the evening. Hasher #1 is attractive enough (although a bit too lean for LNDT’s taste). The other issue with #1 is that he rubs LNDT the wrong way and he’s a bit too philosophical (she gets a glimpse of his negativity – if there is one thing that irritates LNDT, it’s a negative attitude). LNDT likes simplicity and salt-of-the-earth characters (she’ll take blue-collar over white-collar any day of the week!), and although she’s capable of philosophical discourse, she feels it’s inappropriate in a group setting (groups are for light-hearted socializing, philosophy is best discussed one-on-one, in her mind). Hasher #2 is attractive too, but a bit old for LNDT’s taste. Besides LNDT made a resolution for this weekend and neither one is tempting enough for her to throw caution away. By 5am, it’s only the three of them talking by the fire, so LNDT calls it a night and heads to bed (alone! by choice!).

Sh*t Beach Invasion: Day 1 Dancing

Prelude:
Approaching the advent of the camping trip, LNDT makes a resolution to swear off sex for the weekend and tells DITE to watch out for her because we all know we stop thinking when we drink and let our emotions rule our better judgment. Now why would LNDT swear off sex? Although LNDT talks a lot of trash about sleeping around, she really isn’t capable of backing it up. Her bark really is worse than her bite! Disappointed? LNDT has come to the (very slow!) realization that casual sex is something she probably won’t ever be comfortable with. One-night stands have always left LNDT on an emotional roller-coaster, so logically, LNDT doesn’t feel that having fun for one or two nights justifies the eventual 2-3 weeks of self-doubt and emotional upheaval. Besides, how can anyone truly experience everything LNDT is capable of in one sitting? LNDT would rather do without than subject herself to disappointment (this is a rut that she’s been stuck in for 4 years – help her escape!).

LNDT is carpooling to Camp Merrylande with OFE and meets him around 5pm at New Carrollton. They head to SuperFresh to pick up food for the weekend and OFE is horrified that PG County doesn’t sell beer in grocery stores (or at gas stations) (Don’t go to Montgomery County either, same deal). He is impressed, though, with the liquor store they run into in St. Mary’s County – everything from chilled beer specials to ice to bloody mary mix. OFE is very considerate on the ride down (and hot too!) – so LNDT has to wonder why he’s unattached?
Mental note: He requires further observation.

The weather turns disgusting on the ride down and by the time LNDT arrives and sets up her tent, her supplies have gotten drenched and covered in sand. What a disappointing start for the weekend! But it all eventually improves once it stops raining and White Kane breaks out his boom box. The ladies all don battery-operated lights that blink. Little Cock That Won’t calls them “homing beacons”. TupperWare places two blinkers on either side of the crotch of her underwear and places a glowing stir stick inside. She frequently lifts the hem of her skirt to display her blinking crotch. Someone attempts to take a picture of TW, but what luck! The picture catches both blinkers while they’re “off”, so it only looks like she has two giant warts on her crotch!

LNDT’s beverage of choice is Gatorade mixed with pineapple-flavored rum. A very potent and tasty combo! Unfortunately, she drinks ¾ of the bottle the first night and doesn’t replenish the following day (she does find other beverages to sip the next day, though). Drinking heavily makes LNDT sleepy more than anything else, so LNDT heads for bed.

Hashing....blah, blah, blah

Okay, LNDT has a few dedicated readers that want to hear more stories. Unfortunately, for you people LNDT likes to write about unique and special occasions in her life, not about the normal humdrum activities that you can read about in other people’s blogs. But since you persist….

It’s a good run for LNDT. Although she is DFL, she sets a good pace and leads the DFL groupies throughout the 2^nd half of the run. Endurance is improving and she is finally getting into the groove. She still doesn’t like running up hills, but once she’s fully hydrated and the sun goes down, she’s in her element. The trail, though, is shitty and poorly marked (how can that happen on a city trail? Who’s the hare? Oops, Sloppy Ho – the hare razor). LNDT only sees chalk once every ½ block and rarely sees any true trail marks. She occasionally has to ask security guards where the core contingent of runners is headed since many trails peter out into nothingness. Once on 17^th Street, though, LNDT does see regular flour droppings every few yards. Monday Sticky Monday is sweeping and running behind her with most of the other DFLs. But he may have f****d us up because while running up 17^th, LNDT sees chalk leading up the street but he takes us off trail to follow his map (maybe he thinks he can shortcut). We end up running around 18^th and I for about 20 minutes trying to locate the alley the ending circle was on. By the time the alley is finally located, LNDT is hot and bitchy. Stay out of her way!

On the romantic front, LNDT has been flirting heavily with a hottie (hmmm, potential!), but probably won’t see him around until next Thursday. He’s not going on the camping trip since he didn’t know about it and has other commitments on Saturday (damn!). She gives him a few hugs (he seemed to enjoy that!) and calls it an evening. Why are guys fond of hugs? Is it cause hugs usually lead to other things? Or that they can feel how the girl is shaped? Just curious….

LNDT asked MM last weekend to borrow his cooler, but due to a last minute change of carpool plans really doesn’t need it any longer. Nevertheless, she pulls that monstrously large cooler from his truck and takes it back to the bar to return MM’s car keys. The dudes in the bar must think the cooler is loaded with beer and that LNDT is a super Amazon woman for carrying that cooler around. When Bolo pulls the cover off the cooler, though, a stench permeates the air. Damn! MM you need to put some baking soda in that thing! Have you been letting fish heads rot in your cooler? MSM, OFE, WC, and Bolo shoo LNDT out of the bar at this point – who the hell wants the stench of rotting fish heads near them?

More Incriminating Kissing Pics

I swear! How did this picture end up looking so pornographic! This was supposed to be just a cute little cheek-to-cheek kissaroo, and look how the picture ends up! Now people are going to think LNDT has a thing for girls! LNDT is heterosexual!

Freaky Talking Advertisement

This 3-D poster was located in the women's bathroom at The Big Hunt. It freaked LNDT out when she bent over to flush the toilet and the thing started talking to her!

It said, "If you show me yours, I'll show you mine!"

The other hashers in the bar think LNDT is drunk and has been fondling the ad's boobs - Have not!

Cameltoe Violation

Due to the debilitating poison ivy, LNDT decides to wear pants to hide her nasty welts from the hash. Since it's an extremely hot day, LNDT packs a sweat-wicking fabric made of spandex and lycra. Well, we all know how spandex and lycra looks on the human body, now don't we? You can only imagine how LNDT looked (all pics have been screened, so look elsewhere for incriminating dirt!).

Just the previous week (yes, at the shitty Wang Chunks trail), LNDT learned the definition of cameltoe (cause Russian Muffia was wearing spandex then!). (Again, LNDT grew up in the boonies and is not very street smart, so cut her some slack on learning this lingo!) Armed with this newfound knowledge, LNDT is prepared for any comments regarding her form-fitting attire, but she ALWAYS finds some way to say the most inappropriate thing.

When she arrives at Dupont Circle, she doesn't wait for someone to say anything, but spits out, "Look, I have cameltoe!"
Motor Mouth is incredulous. "How could you say that? Without any other introduction - the very first words out of your mouth were not "How are you? What have you been up to?, but "I have cameltoe!"."

Are You In? wards LNDT away by crossing her fingers and looks away.

Mudflap says, "Well, at least she said what we were all thinking!"

MM promises to bring this up at the ending circle - and he keeps his promise! At the ending circle, SCFC asks for violations from the crowd and MM relays the entire dialog for the crowd. LNDT is mortified and starts turning away from the crowd.

SCFC points his miner's headlamp in LNDT's direction and exclaims, "I need to inspect this!"

At this point, LNDT freaks when she sees SCFC heading in her direction and starts running away from the circle, up the hill towards the beer van. Unfortunately, LNDT is a DFL and SCFC easily catches her and wrestles her to the ground. He drags her back to the circle and tries to perform the inspection there. He still isn't successful since LNDT has at this point broken into hysterical laughter and crouches down so that he cannot view her crotch.

He does inspect her rear-end and states, "I see 2 humps!".

The ex-RA from Cairo is brought into the circle (he's an expert on camels!) to inspect LNDT. LNDT is proclaimed to have cameltoe unlike any he's ever seen before. The crowd sings the down down song and LNDT unknowingly displays her cameltoe once again when she stretches back to chug her beer.

Poison Ivy! Ewww!

LNDT has a severe case of poison ivy. She picked it up while hashing that horrible, shitty trail Wang Chunks laid out on Monday. LNDT was caught in the middle of the creek during a lightning storm when she heard Big Bang yelling, “Get out of the water, now!” LNDT looked to her right and the only way out of the creek was to climb up a very steep embankment covered in thorny underbrush. So what did LNDT do? She climbed the embankment, getting numerous scratches up and down her legs. The next day (Tuesday) two distinct black holes appear on the front of her right leg (vampire bites!) . By Friday, the vampire bites have swollen and now look like a pair of snake fangs (albeit with nasty puffy venom inside). Gross!

LNDT goes to Union Pub and self-medicates at her table.

Toothfairy sees the bottle of calamine lotion and goes “Gimme! I've got poison ivy, too!”
OFE observes the nastiness progressing at the corner table and asks, “Please do that in the privacy of your own home…er…booth”.

Hey! You can't understand how unbearable the itching is - LNDT carries calamine lotion with her everywhere now (no matter what the size of purse, LNDT will make that bottle fit)!

...and no, LNDT won't be posting any pics of this event! It makes LNDT sick to look at her own leg - why would she subject others to that horror?

Displaying Tan Lines

DITE pulls down LNDT’s bra and displays tan lines for the Hash Flash. LNDT is outraged that DITE wants to show off LNDT's "special" parts without consulting her. DITE didn't fill out any application form!
Sidenote: LNDT’s sports bra is well-lubricated since LNDT placed ice cubes in it to prevent nipple chafing!

Kissing an Ironman

Yes, he’s short, but sooo cute! He completed the Ironman in under 11 hours. How impressive – a man with endurance (hmmm….)!