Sh*t Beach Invasion: Day 1 Midnight Revelations

LNDT gets back up around 3:30am after waking to the boom box still playing and the sound of hashers dancing the night away. LNDT learns she missed a naked circle that was held in the ocean and that DITE got violated for wearing clothing. Since LNDT missed the naked hash, several male hashers request that she strip. Well, we all know LNDT’s feelings about being naked in public, so she compromises by changing into her bikini (she does serve to please!).

And How’s Her Bush asks LNDT why she started hashing and LNDT (the true multi-tasker) has several reasons:

1. To lose weight
2. To socialize (and meet guys!)
3. Keep busy

TW, AHHB, and LCTW are incredulous that LNDT feels the need to lose weight, but LNDT used to weigh 155 lbs 3 years ago (before gaining 35 lbs while attending classes to get her MBA). Hashing isn’t the best way to lose weight, but LNDT has dropped 10 lbs and lost 2 inches all around since June (previously: 190 lbs vs. 180 and 41-31-46 vs. 40-29-42). LNDT learns she outweighs LCTW by 25lbs and TW by 5 lbs – they can’t believe it!

They state, “You’re not large enough to hide 180 lbs.”

Well believe it or not, the scale doesn’t lie. LNDT hides the extra weight in the upper thighs and glutes (also, LNDT packs a lot of muscle under her layer of fat – don’t mess with her! She always comes out on top!). At least LNDT is a low-risk target for heart attack due to her exceptional waist-hip ratio.

Now of course, the conversation has to turn to matters of a sexual context and LNDT is asked the following questions:

Does she trim her lawn? Of course, everyday

Mow the lawn? 1/8 inch, baby!

Stamina? 4X an evening (An evening does last 8-10 hours, you know! Space it out!)

What!!? The guys seem a little dumbfounded (is it not possible? Maybe not everyday 4X, but shit! having that kind of performance 1-2 days a week isn’t asking much, is it?). Of course, LNDT is a light sleeper (unless in an alcoholic stupor) – look at how often she jumps up after a couple of hours of sleep to go socialize more – if she stays in bed with a partner that’s pretty much the frequency she sticks to. They do state that LNDT better demonstrate some variety or it will get old after a while (Don’t worry! LNDT may not have a super-extensive bag of tricks, but she’s willing to learn!). But Miss Drama Queen secretly frets that she may not be capable of backing up her claim anymore (when she was 25 she could, but she’s now 29 – she’s heard “Use it or lose it” can apply).

LNDT usually has a hard time picking up signals from guys, but believes two hashers are showing lots of interest by conversing with her for most of the evening. Hasher #1 is attractive enough (although a bit too lean for LNDT’s taste). The other issue with #1 is that he rubs LNDT the wrong way and he’s a bit too philosophical (she gets a glimpse of his negativity – if there is one thing that irritates LNDT, it’s a negative attitude). LNDT likes simplicity and salt-of-the-earth characters (she’ll take blue-collar over white-collar any day of the week!), and although she’s capable of philosophical discourse, she feels it’s inappropriate in a group setting (groups are for light-hearted socializing, philosophy is best discussed one-on-one, in her mind). Hasher #2 is attractive too, but a bit old for LNDT’s taste. Besides LNDT made a resolution for this weekend and neither one is tempting enough for her to throw caution away. By 5am, it’s only the three of them talking by the fire, so LNDT calls it a night and heads to bed (alone! by choice!).