Stupidity....No, Sheer Idiocy

Metro informed me that it’s bad blog etiquette to write in 3^rd person. Although I enjoy the challenge of writing in the 3^rd person, it also makes it easier to criticize my lame-brain actions. But since she insists, I will switch over to 1^st person and see how it goes.

At around 8pm, I walk along the Georgetown waterfront looking for MM’s boat. After walking halfway down the boardwalk and not spying him, I run into Dr. J (I love Dr. J!).

I ask Dr. J, “Have you seen MM?”
“He’s down there (pointing farther down the pier). Who are you?”
“I’m W. Don’t you remember me?”
“Take off the sunglasses, girl – I didn’t recognize you with clothing on!”
“Hey, you’ve never seen me naked!”
“Yeah, but whenever MM pulls his boat up beside mine, you’re never wearing anything more than your bikini the entire night.”
I grin, “Yeah, you’re right about that!”
Dr. J asks “Where’s your bikini tonight?”
“Oh, I didn’t bring it. These are my party clothes (I’m wearing a mini and a spaghetti-strap top).”
“Well, you stop by again later. Okay?”

I jump on MM’s boat where the party is going in full force. Now at this point, I’m starving since I haven’t eaten since noon, so I break out one of the bags of chips I brought. I don’t eat many, though, cause MM says Roadkill will be arriving soon with hotdogs and hamburgers. I mix myself a drink and socialize with Metro, OFE, and Nippon Tuck.

At some point, MM’s neighbor Jim comes aboard and spies me in my outfit.

He yells, “Who’s that? Come stand next to me!”

I approach him and introduce myself.

He replies “Oh, don’t tell me your name. I won’t remember it even if I f*** you.”

WTF?? Who the hell would say that to a chick when meeting them? I’m a little put off by that comment, so I return to talking about drunken behavior with my buddies. In fact, Metro is discussing the Sh*t Beach Invasion and mentions that she vomited at one point.

I, Little Miss Braggart say, “I had such a bad experience when I was 20 that I haven’t been sick in 9 years.”

Well, way to go! I just invited bad karma upon myself! Because within 2 hours of boarding MM’s boat, I had 2 full sized drinks and a handful of chips and a bite of a burrito. A recipe for disaster!

When I start feeling queasy from the liquor I’ve drunk (which by the way, wasn't much - I didn't even drink a ¼ of what I drank at beach invasion), I ask OFE for assistance to climb onto the swim platform. Within 60 seconds, I spew the entire contents of my stomach into the Potomac. Now according to MM, everything froze when I let go…all the people on the boats next to us, all the hashers on MM’s boat, all the people walking along the boardwalk – EVERYONE saw me make a fool of myself. I’m comfortable with making a fool of myself usually because I’m just a clown and an attention-seeker, but bodily functions? I want to keep that stuff private, so to say the least, I am really beating myself up bad over this one. Oh, and in case you like hearing a thoroughly raunchy story – the ducks came by to clean up the mess!

However, on a positive note, I must have given OFE enough warning about my predicament cause he is totally prepared to jump in the water after me if I fall in (removing the tons of electronic equipment hidden in his cargo shorts – is there a reason you need to carry so much junk around all the time?). I totally pass out at this point. I can only recall occasionally rolling over and seeing OFE trying to hold onto me as I'm trying to get all the liquor out of my system (dude, I'm sorry I messed up your evening!). I know the guys got me to somehow move myself back onto the boat, but damn I hurt! My wrist is sore and my left butt cheek and thigh are all bruised up! I totally have to shout out to Metro, though – you are wonderful! She rubs my back the entire evening while I’m having dry heaves and takes care of me (and I didn’t really even know her that well from the camping trip!). It just goes to show you how tightly knit hashers are (esp. the Sh*t hashers). So, now that I’ve broken my 9-year streak and am feeling pretty stupid, I get further word that my actions will probably earn my right to the hash shit (isn’t this acceptable hash behavior?).

Also, my list of destroyed/lost belongings is growing...I lost ANOTHER silver hoop earring (Thank God I have a discount at Hecht's!), my strap on my top broke off (fixable!), and Roadkill ran off with my superstar sunglasses (I know you covet them, but give them back!).