EWH3 Pub Crawl: 15 Lessons Learned

1. You don’t realize how hard it is to drink a 25oz can of beer before it gets warm. But I’m sure that shotgunning a Fosters is good training for the beer mile.
2. Always pack chalk. Even for a pub crawl. Especially when it starts at 12:30pm.
3. If you arrive late to a pub crawl, you still need to pay full price. Don’t like the policy? Take it up with the organizers.
4. If you must choose between a 9-block walk and a 2-stop metro ride when it is 90 degrees outside, choose the metro ride. You’ll sweat less that way. And maintain your buzz longer.
5. Don’t be surprised when wagers are laid on how long you will keep your top on in a Hooters restaurant. And especially don’t be surprised that Hermie wins the bet.
6. Just because there are no sizes larger than a medium at Hooters, doesn’t mean that you should buy it. Although wearing a shirt that ends 3 inches above your midriff is HOT.
7. If you are going to bring your own liquor to a bar, make sure the manager doesn’t see you pouring it into the glass of coke you just ordered. And if you get kicked out of said bar for performing said act, don’t expect the pack to boycott the bar for your actions. We’ll meet you at the next bar in an hour – have fun!
8. If you seat yourself at the bar, don’t be surprised if you must give up your seat to a gimp. Even if you are a girl.
9. If you decide to drink a frou frou drink like raspberry beer, expect most of it to be consumed by other hashers wanting a taste test.
10. If you get a request to show your tits, why refuse? You may lose an opportunity for a magazine spread. Right! Or you’ve just heard the world’s worst pick-up line.
11. If it’s not your beer, don’t drink it. Especially if it’s warm to the touch. And MOST especially if Hermie hands it to you. It’s probably not beer.
12. When the pub crawl is officially over at 8pm, don’t let that stop the pack from continuing the crawl. Onwards to the next hasher-friendly bar!
13. Keep your phone on vibrate mode in loud bars. That way you can help out-of-town hashers locate you without them needing to drive around Adams Morgan for 1 ½ hours looking for parking.
14. Hashers are caring souls that will take in other wayward, homeless hashers. Especially when they pass out in the street in front of the last bar.
15. If your name is Donnie the Retard, don’t be surprised when most hashers ask, “Do you have an 8-lb watermelon head?”

Bars: Cardinal’s Nest, Senators, Hooters, The Big Hunt, The Reef, Millie & Al’s

Total Bar Count: 96

Total DC Bars: 50

The Big Hunt doesn’t count since I have visited it previously.