| Your Pimp Name Is... |
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Thursday, November 03, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
The Virgin Wendy
So tonight I'm going to hare my first trail - I'm a virgin! The theme for tonight's hash (since it's All Saint's Day) is the Saints and Sinners Hash. Oh, what will I wear? My friend, S, comes up with a costume for me. I'm going as a virgin (don't laugh!)! She provides me with some Indian garb and off I go to do my best impression of the Virgin Mary. Of course, no one understands my costume. Someone calls me a suicide bomber. Thanks! I know I REALLY look Muslim....must be the hair....
Now since I'm a virgin, Lube is going to accompany me. Apparently, it's much easier your first time if someone's helping you all the way (pun! pun!). I'm going to lay the last 1 1/2 miles of the trail and will start at Ballston Mall. Since Lube is RA and can't leave until the circle breaks up, I wait for her. Well! Was that ever a mistake! Rear End Loader and various other people ask me why I haven't left yet - I can't tell them the plan. They threaten to de-pants me when they catch me. I'd like to see y'all try! Ain't gonna happen! But if the thought inspires you to run a bit harder, go right ahead!Lube and I have no problem laying the trail. In fact, we walk it for the most part. Look! the trail is 5 1/4 miles long, if those wankers can catch up to us that fast, we deserve to be pantsed! After we arrive at the end, we take a walk around the parking garage to kill some time. On the top level there's a soccer/field hockey court with a port-a-potty beside it.
Lube tells me, "You know another reason why we didn't want you to hare by yourself is because there's a rapist in the area."I laugh and the conversation moves along to another topic. About 10 minutes later, Lube and I are still standing next to the field hockey court when the door to the port-a-potty opens up! Dude! a bum just walks out of the port-a-potty! He's been there the entire time! We've been talking about rapists and sh*t and he heard every word we said! Talk about not paying attention!
"I heard about that. Wasn't there an attack at one of the metro stations?"
"Yeah. Vienna."
"Well, look at this place wouldn't it be a perfect place for an attack?"
"Don't worry. We can both take 'em on." while performing a karate kick.
When Porn to Fail arrives, I drive off with him to pick up the bag vehicle. When I return, all the runners and walkers are congregating around the beer and food. My eyes pop out, though, when I see Incredible Edible Shmeg. WTF??!! He took his pants off! He's only wearing a white thong and fairy wings! Dude! You are SO making me cold, prancing about like that! How distracting! I try not to stare, but it's a bit difficult to say the least.... Def entertaining though!
I ask Tuppy, "Is he a Sh*t hasher?"Hmmm....don't remember meeting him before. Mellow introduces himself to Shmeg.
"No, I think he's one of yours" (meaning a EWH3-er)
Upon learning Shmeg's hash name, he says, "That makes us kind of related."Gross! Do I really need to know all this stuff? Hanging out with hashers may be educational, but I think I was better off before in my innocence....
I ask, "How's that?"
"Shmeg is foreskin cheese."
My Blog's Worth
My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?
Can you please explain to me why I'm worth nothing? I get over 350 hits weekly and I'm still worth nothing? Boo!!
Blogshares, at least, has my worth at $3,795!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Brain Patterns
| Your Brain's Pattern |
 You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination. |
Sunday, October 30, 2005
What Kind of Drunk Am I?
| You're a Wild Drunk |
 You can get enough drink. Seriously, you'll just go puke and start pounding them back again! |
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
I don't puke! ....well, I did spectacularly that one occasion - but who's keeping score?
Moving Day!
What a day! Lots of plans today - let's see how much of my schedule I can adhere to.... I'm scouting a trail, helping OFE and Udder to move, and going to try to attend two different Halloween parties.
Porn to Fail picks me and Nasty When Wet up to auto-hash our trail for Tuesday. When we pick Nasty When Wet up outside her apartment building, we spy Shamrock, one of the other hares, in the dog park next to Nasty's building. Why isn't she joining us? Cause she scouted last week. Oooh....ain't she special?
I didn't plan well, though. I'm wearing shorts. What's up with that? It's 60 degrees outside - pretty damn cold for shorts. At least I have my white furry hat! I'm going to be a virgin hare. It doesn't seem that complicated and I'm pretty good with directions. We'll see what everyone else thinks on Tuesday.
At the rate everything is going this morning, I'm not surprised that I arrive late for OFE's and Udder's moving party. I didn't miss much though. I immediately put my slave collar on cause OFE doesn't waste any time in ordering me around (gotta protest somehow! hee hee!). First, he tells me to make up boxes. I can't figure it out and ask Udder to help me. Believe me! These are not normal boxes - there is a reason I fail the box-making test! OFE is disappointed by my failure and pulls me off box-making and commands me to put DVDs and Playstation games in the boxes. This I CAN handle! No problemo!
I volunteer my SUV for moving some of the larger pieces of furniture and Doucheberg is incredulous.
Since we're experiencing a box shortage, I volunteer to stay behind and unpack boxes. Where to begin? Who do all these drinking glasses belong to? There's no way y'all can use all these glasses on a regular basis! I fill up an entire cabinet. I haven't even gotten to the plates yet!
OFE promised us pizza, but gets KFC instead. Yummy!! Much better than pizza!
How easy it is to get distracted! Comcast arrives while the moving crew is unpacking and turns on the cable. Recipe for disaster! There goes all productivity. I sit down to watch Hellboy. That does it! I've totally missed the MBA Halloween party - it's in Springfield - so out of my way!
No matter! Sh*t You Gay's party is a blast! First thing I do upon arriving? Apple pie shots! I jump in the barber's chair, tilt my head back and let the pouring begin! Uh oh! I sit up without closing my mouth properly and some of my shot dribbles out of my mouth.
Porn to Fail picks me and Nasty When Wet up to auto-hash our trail for Tuesday. When we pick Nasty When Wet up outside her apartment building, we spy Shamrock, one of the other hares, in the dog park next to Nasty's building. Why isn't she joining us? Cause she scouted last week. Oooh....ain't she special?
I yell out the car window "Shamrock, you suck!"Obnoxious, aren't I?
I didn't plan well, though. I'm wearing shorts. What's up with that? It's 60 degrees outside - pretty damn cold for shorts. At least I have my white furry hat! I'm going to be a virgin hare. It doesn't seem that complicated and I'm pretty good with directions. We'll see what everyone else thinks on Tuesday.
At the rate everything is going this morning, I'm not surprised that I arrive late for OFE's and Udder's moving party. I didn't miss much though. I immediately put my slave collar on cause OFE doesn't waste any time in ordering me around (gotta protest somehow! hee hee!). First, he tells me to make up boxes. I can't figure it out and ask Udder to help me. Believe me! These are not normal boxes - there is a reason I fail the box-making test! OFE is disappointed by my failure and pulls me off box-making and commands me to put DVDs and Playstation games in the boxes. This I CAN handle! No problemo!
I volunteer my SUV for moving some of the larger pieces of furniture and Doucheberg is incredulous.He asks me "You can ACTUALLY drive?"Regardless, he rags on me all day about my driving. Dude! Girls are capable of driving too! And I drive stick, to boot!
"I've got more licenses than you! CDL Class B and a motorcycle license."
Since we're experiencing a box shortage, I volunteer to stay behind and unpack boxes. Where to begin? Who do all these drinking glasses belong to? There's no way y'all can use all these glasses on a regular basis! I fill up an entire cabinet. I haven't even gotten to the plates yet!
OFE promised us pizza, but gets KFC instead. Yummy!! Much better than pizza!How easy it is to get distracted! Comcast arrives while the moving crew is unpacking and turns on the cable. Recipe for disaster! There goes all productivity. I sit down to watch Hellboy. That does it! I've totally missed the MBA Halloween party - it's in Springfield - so out of my way!
No matter! Sh*t You Gay's party is a blast! First thing I do upon arriving? Apple pie shots! I jump in the barber's chair, tilt my head back and let the pouring begin! Uh oh! I sit up without closing my mouth properly and some of my shot dribbles out of my mouth.
Rodeo tells me "We now know you're a spitter not a swallower."Hey! No fair! I didn't know what to do! Lemme try that again! Two shots later, I'm a pro! You can't say I don't learn quick!
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Trick or Treat!
Aren't last minute costumes great? I pull my leather pants out of my closet and put on my black vinyl corset I just bought. Now what accessories should I use? Fairy wings? Nah. Fishnet gloves? Maybe. Ooohhh....what about my gorgeous white furry hat I just bought last week? and that furry white scarf too? How cute! But who am I? I know!! I-Vanna Hump-A-Lot from Austin Powers! Perfect!
I'm late for the Full Moon run, so won't get any running in today. No matter, I can't run in leather pants anyway. Oh! Look at Meatloaf! How cute! She's Lil' Bo Peep and has an inflatable sheep. What's this? A shot glass in the sheep's butt? Fill it with your own concoction and drink. Sure thing! I'll give it a try!
Lots of cute costumes. My favorite is Fiddy as a pregnant Britney Spears. How apropos!
Ahhh....I'm in so much pain! Why did I think I could wear 5-inch heels, anyway? That puts me at 6'2" today. Man! I'm eye level with RU-469! That's a first!
The second band is fabulous (I can't say the same for the first band, though). I'm dancing up a storm, but damn these heels! Gotta take them off! Ahhh....relief!
The party ain't over yet! Let's go to Carpool! Some people want to go to Whitlow's. What??!! F*ck Whitlow's! They're not hasher friendly!Yummy! Hard cider! Gimme two - there goes my sanity! Let's close the place down....Where to now? Ooohh...Toothfairy's place. An after-after party. TF, don't you have any cheap beer? What's with this expensive, imported stuff? Got any of that Belgian raspberry beer? No? Well, maybe next time.... Off to crash on another hasher's sofa!
Friday, October 28, 2005
Trendy Wendy
You can tell the weather's changing. My sweatshirt (sporting some MD pride) and hat are required wear for my imposed immobility as hash kash. Brrrrr! I don't like cold weather! I can't run with my hat, though, I'll lose it. I've got hat head! I so totally forgot that having bangs will do that to you. Well...gotta live with the bangs until they grow out....
Wow! What a long first half - we have to jump some fences, run through some playgrounds, even have some extremely long uphill jaunts. It's a good run for me - I sprint a few times and am able to keep up with the mid-pack. I've made vast improvements since I started in June.
It's too cold outside for me, so as soon as my hash kash responsibilities are over, I head to the on-on-on. Oh wow! a gay bar! The men look at the females oddly as we walk in, and even send a representative over to find out who we are and why we chose THEIR bar tonight. Turns out they're a gay rugby team that's celebrating a victory.
Ooohh!! I have to show off my new toy! I was working last week marking down obsolete merchandise and found this doll called Trendy Wendy. Now, normally I hate dolls and all stuffed animals (biggest waste of space ever), but this Trendy Wendy doll has on a little pink dress that says "Plays well with others". How perfect! I've SO gotta show this doll off - esp. since it's a namesake.
What??!! Can't Stop the Semen and Kane want to violate my poor doll! Kane keeps trying to perform voodoo on my doll and Can't Stop wants to steal it to perform some sick-o rituals on it like he did on my sock! You ain't gettin' ahold of this one! Unfortunately, however, my doll is confiscated from me at one point during the evening and I lose it for about 2 hours. What a fright! I get it back though because one considerate individual (not naming any names here) decides to return it to me. Thanks! Messing with my stuff wouldn't have been that funny the second time around, anyway.
I'm concerned about the cash I have in my bag. Last time I was hash kash I handed the money over to someone else, so didn't have that headache. I don't want to carry my bookbag around with me in the bar, so I take the envelope with the cash in it and stuff it down the front of my pants (cause I don't have pockets).
Damn! Look at the time! It's 11:40pm - I have a bad feeling about this! I rush to the metro only to discover that I've missed the last train to Glenmont. Booo! Lemme head back to the Titan Bar and see if I can crash with somebody.
Yay! Holy offers me a place to crash. We walk back to Kane's car cause he's gonna give us a lift. Oh no! Bad luck again! Kane's ONLY car key breaks off in the lock to the trunk. Now what? Let's catch a taxi and crash at IHOV's place.
Oh, wait up! There's the brew crew, 3-2-1 and Tapped 3 Times! We jump in the back of the beer van and wait to take off. Hold up! We've got more to pile in! Three others stuff themselves into the beer van and off we go to Adam's Morgan. We've got 6 in the back and 4 in the front.
Ahhh...finally....Adam's Morgan. We've arrived safe! The evening isn't over yet! Let's go to Millie and Al's (I'm spending lots of time there recently, aren't I?). A little karaoke, a few jello shots....I'm not gonna crash at IHOV's. 3-2-1 invites 5 of us to crash and we head back to his place (1 block from Millie and Al's!). What a long evening! Do I have to go to work tomorrow?
Wow! What a long first half - we have to jump some fences, run through some playgrounds, even have some extremely long uphill jaunts. It's a good run for me - I sprint a few times and am able to keep up with the mid-pack. I've made vast improvements since I started in June.
It's too cold outside for me, so as soon as my hash kash responsibilities are over, I head to the on-on-on. Oh wow! a gay bar! The men look at the females oddly as we walk in, and even send a representative over to find out who we are and why we chose THEIR bar tonight. Turns out they're a gay rugby team that's celebrating a victory.
Ooohh!! I have to show off my new toy! I was working last week marking down obsolete merchandise and found this doll called Trendy Wendy. Now, normally I hate dolls and all stuffed animals (biggest waste of space ever), but this Trendy Wendy doll has on a little pink dress that says "Plays well with others". How perfect! I've SO gotta show this doll off - esp. since it's a namesake.What??!! Can't Stop the Semen and Kane want to violate my poor doll! Kane keeps trying to perform voodoo on my doll and Can't Stop wants to steal it to perform some sick-o rituals on it like he did on my sock! You ain't gettin' ahold of this one! Unfortunately, however, my doll is confiscated from me at one point during the evening and I lose it for about 2 hours. What a fright! I get it back though because one considerate individual (not naming any names here) decides to return it to me. Thanks! Messing with my stuff wouldn't have been that funny the second time around, anyway.
I'm concerned about the cash I have in my bag. Last time I was hash kash I handed the money over to someone else, so didn't have that headache. I don't want to carry my bookbag around with me in the bar, so I take the envelope with the cash in it and stuff it down the front of my pants (cause I don't have pockets).Holy sees me stuff the cash in my pants and tells me "You have an expensive cooter."Well! Maybe tonight I do.... OFE, I hope you don't mind! Your cash has been very intimate with me!
Damn! Look at the time! It's 11:40pm - I have a bad feeling about this! I rush to the metro only to discover that I've missed the last train to Glenmont. Booo! Lemme head back to the Titan Bar and see if I can crash with somebody.
Yay! Holy offers me a place to crash. We walk back to Kane's car cause he's gonna give us a lift. Oh no! Bad luck again! Kane's ONLY car key breaks off in the lock to the trunk. Now what? Let's catch a taxi and crash at IHOV's place.
Oh, wait up! There's the brew crew, 3-2-1 and Tapped 3 Times! We jump in the back of the beer van and wait to take off. Hold up! We've got more to pile in! Three others stuff themselves into the beer van and off we go to Adam's Morgan. We've got 6 in the back and 4 in the front.
3-2-1 tells us, "Don't worry. If we get stopped by the border control, we're all Americans."What a rough ride! Apparently some bumper stickered car cuts us off and 3-2-1 jumps out of the van to piss on the car at the next stoplight. I can't see jack, so I just hear this from the loudmouths up front....can anyone verify?
Ahhh...finally....Adam's Morgan. We've arrived safe! The evening isn't over yet! Let's go to Millie and Al's (I'm spending lots of time there recently, aren't I?). A little karaoke, a few jello shots....I'm not gonna crash at IHOV's. 3-2-1 invites 5 of us to crash and we head back to his place (1 block from Millie and Al's!). What a long evening! Do I have to go to work tomorrow?
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Sad, Sad News
I have some sad, sad news for you loyal blog fans....I finally got a job! Yay! So why is this sad news? Well, my new job will not allow me to goof off all day at work and write up new crazy stories to illuminate. I will try of course to keep up.....but.....don't be surprised if my regular daily postings drop off after Nov 14th (my new job start date).
Monday, October 24, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Why Won't Y'all Leave Me Alone?
This post is dedicated to the partygoers on MM's boat today.
First off - MM, you should know better than to call me at 10:30am! I didn't make any plans to be on your boat today, so how would I know I'm supposed to be there at 11am?
Second thing - there's nothing funny about sleeping the day away. Why did I have a gazillion pics taken of me sleeping on MM's boat? I stayed up late, is all....
Other than that....there is nothing appropriate that I can repeat here on my blog. Y'all boat people have dirty minds!
First off - MM, you should know better than to call me at 10:30am! I didn't make any plans to be on your boat today, so how would I know I'm supposed to be there at 11am?
Second thing - there's nothing funny about sleeping the day away. Why did I have a gazillion pics taken of me sleeping on MM's boat? I stayed up late, is all....
Other than that....there is nothing appropriate that I can repeat here on my blog. Y'all boat people have dirty minds!
Goth chick
I wake up super early today cause I'm getting my hair done. I'm gonna have it dyed dark brown, but while I'm sitting waiting for my color to set, I start flipping through hairstyle books. Hmmm....what about some bangs?
Whew! I look like a rock star now! Will anyone recognize me? I'm going as a goth chick to the Woodley party. I've got these cool ass pants with handcuffs and chains that I bought at Hot Topic.
I walk into the Woodley Estates carrying some margarita buckets and leftover cubed cheese from yesterday's party.
It's a very different look for me, isn't it?
Doucheberg is frightened of me and runs away everytime I look at him. I'll show him! I take one of my detachable leashes off my pants and hook him up to me. I leash Just Kelly to me also and lead both of them around the party. Look! I've got minions! Ooops! I'm supposed to be the slave!
The winner for the most creative costume, though, goes to Fizzy. He took a wetsuit and painted it as the Green Lantern.
Around 12:30, I head out of the Woodley Estates and meet up with Just Keith and Just Alex at Millie and Al's in Adam's Morgan.
Whew! I look like a rock star now! Will anyone recognize me? I'm going as a goth chick to the Woodley party. I've got these cool ass pants with handcuffs and chains that I bought at Hot Topic.
I walk into the Woodley Estates carrying some margarita buckets and leftover cubed cheese from yesterday's party.
I shout out, "I've come bearing gifts!"
MM replies, "OMG!! I SO did NOT realize that was YOU!"
It's a very different look for me, isn't it?
Nub asks me, "Your makeup reminds me of some movie star. Who are you supposed to be?"
"Remember Darryl Hannah in Blade Runner? I've got the same makeup scheme."
"Ahhh...I thought I recognized it!"
Doucheberg is frightened of me and runs away everytime I look at him. I'll show him! I take one of my detachable leashes off my pants and hook him up to me. I leash Just Kelly to me also and lead both of them around the party. Look! I've got minions! Ooops! I'm supposed to be the slave!
The winner for the most creative costume, though, goes to Fizzy. He took a wetsuit and painted it as the Green Lantern.Around 12:30, I head out of the Woodley Estates and meet up with Just Keith and Just Alex at Millie and Al's in Adam's Morgan.
As I walk into the bar, the bouncer tells me, "You win the prize for the most original costume."JK is in costume too. He's dressed as Hunter S. Thompson from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Very cool...random people recognize him and comment on his costume. Just Alex chose not to wear a costume. Dude! get into the Halloween spirit! I think I just scare people. Oh well...goth chicks are scary! (but sometimes eerily sexy!).
"Thanks!"
Thursday, October 20, 2005
A Walking Mannequin
Yet again I'm working in a store today. This is going to be a once-a-week occurrence for the rest of the Christmas season. I don't mind really. I like not having to go all the way to Ballston Mall and being able to sleep in.
Today I'm at Columbia Mall and working in ladies accessories. Yippee! My favorite department! I immediately find a gorgeous white furry hat that I wear the ENTIRE day. This will be MINE! I crack the store employees up cause everytime I find something that I like, I wear it. I've got 6 scrunchies on both wrists, a hat on my head, and 3 chain belts around my waist. My co-workers call me a walking mannequin. Eventually, my pile of goods grows to the extent that I need a small box to carry it all around in. I'm such a shop-a-holic...but when the stuff I'm picking up only costs 98¢, how can I resist?
And since I'm in a really NICE mall, I do a spot of shopping for a Halloween outfit. I won't tell you where I went cause that will give the subject matter of my costume away, but needless to say I go a bit crazy....
Afterwards, I drive to Ballston to spend the night with S. We're going to Costco for munchies! We pick up A cause he's got the Costco card and we spend lots and lots of money on hors d'oeuvres. Damn! Today is a bad day for me trying to hold onto my hard-earned money. And don't even try to say it's that time of the month - cause that doesn't happen!
After loading the car up with munchies, we notice the tires are really low. Gosh! Did the amount of food we buy cause the tires to deflate? We head to a gas station for more air and stop at a traffic light. OMG!! across the street is the Crystal City Restaurant! How could I forget that place? Let's stop in and give the strippers a couple of dollars! Aren't familiar with the CCR (no, not the band!)?....read my posting from back in September.
I'm missing the VA Tech-MD football game! How could I? I keep calling K, S's boyfriend, for status reports. Damn! MD lost! Everyone predicted it, but still it's disappointing...
Today I'm at Columbia Mall and working in ladies accessories. Yippee! My favorite department! I immediately find a gorgeous white furry hat that I wear the ENTIRE day. This will be MINE! I crack the store employees up cause everytime I find something that I like, I wear it. I've got 6 scrunchies on both wrists, a hat on my head, and 3 chain belts around my waist. My co-workers call me a walking mannequin. Eventually, my pile of goods grows to the extent that I need a small box to carry it all around in. I'm such a shop-a-holic...but when the stuff I'm picking up only costs 98¢, how can I resist?
And since I'm in a really NICE mall, I do a spot of shopping for a Halloween outfit. I won't tell you where I went cause that will give the subject matter of my costume away, but needless to say I go a bit crazy....
Afterwards, I drive to Ballston to spend the night with S. We're going to Costco for munchies! We pick up A cause he's got the Costco card and we spend lots and lots of money on hors d'oeuvres. Damn! Today is a bad day for me trying to hold onto my hard-earned money. And don't even try to say it's that time of the month - cause that doesn't happen!
After loading the car up with munchies, we notice the tires are really low. Gosh! Did the amount of food we buy cause the tires to deflate? We head to a gas station for more air and stop at a traffic light. OMG!! across the street is the Crystal City Restaurant! How could I forget that place? Let's stop in and give the strippers a couple of dollars! Aren't familiar with the CCR (no, not the band!)?....read my posting from back in September.
I'm missing the VA Tech-MD football game! How could I? I keep calling K, S's boyfriend, for status reports. Damn! MD lost! Everyone predicted it, but still it's disappointing...
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
A Hotel Stay!
So yesterday, I get a call from my former boss at the warehouse and he asks me if I can represent Hecht's at a gala for Southeastern University in DC. The gala will be held at the super-swanky Woodley Park Marriott. Of course I say yes! It gives me an excuse to pull out my $200 black dress I bought in Paris (if I only wear it twice a year, it's still worth it!).
I arrive at the Marriott and meet L, my old boss, and he tells me that we're short one person. Do I know anyone that would like to attend? Yeah, I know lots of people, but I don't know if they are available. I call everyone in my cell phone and no one answers except DD. DD would love to come. Excellent!
Let's head to the open bar....oh no! I'm way too happy! I've bid on two different hotel stays during the silent auction. Let's see if I can be the highest bidder (which means I'm the ONLY bidder cause I'm not upping any antes).
I've won one hotel stay! Yay! The big Hilton north of Dupont Circle - you know the one! Yep, I've got a one night stay that I can use anytime in the upcoming year! Yippee! Now to find someone to share the room with....hmmmm.....
I arrive at the Marriott and meet L, my old boss, and he tells me that we're short one person. Do I know anyone that would like to attend? Yeah, I know lots of people, but I don't know if they are available. I call everyone in my cell phone and no one answers except DD. DD would love to come. Excellent!
Let's head to the open bar....oh no! I'm way too happy! I've bid on two different hotel stays during the silent auction. Let's see if I can be the highest bidder (which means I'm the ONLY bidder cause I'm not upping any antes).I've won one hotel stay! Yay! The big Hilton north of Dupont Circle - you know the one! Yep, I've got a one night stay that I can use anytime in the upcoming year! Yippee! Now to find someone to share the room with....hmmmm.....
I'm Tagged....Yet Again...
Video X tagged me with this one....now the tag stuff is starting to wear on me...I'm glad everyone is thinking of me, but these aren't easy to answer...
7 things I plan to do before I die:
1. Go to an S&M club (Video X wrote this one...I have to admit this is extremely fascinating for me)
2. Have sex again (Video X also wrote this one - but I agree)
3. Be self-employed
4. Join a crew (rowing) club
5. Own a convertible
6. Move someplace warm
7. Pole dance
7 things I can do:
1. Make fun of myself
2. Take my shirt off
3. Drive a stick (pun! pun!)
4. Read a map (great sense of direction)
5. Speak Spanish
6. Dance
7. Memorize random trivia
7 things I cannot do:
1. Ski
2. Ride a horse
3. Sail
4. Ice-skate
5. Cheat
6. Smoke
7. Find a man
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Comedy - ability to crack jokes
2. Wide shoulders/bi-ceps
3. Clean-cut look
4. Observant
5. Active social life
6. Great dancer (esp hip-hop)
7. Realistic perspective
7 things I say most often:
1. Hmmmm.....
2. Blaaacccchhh!!
3. Anyways
4. 4-letter cuss words
5. Darlin'
6. What??
7. Huh?
7 celebrity crushes:
1. Russell Crowe
2. Liev Schreiber
3. Hugh Jackman
4. Jason Statham
5. Vin Diesel
6. Colin Farrell
7. Matt Damon
7 tags:
1. Brownie
2. Shelley
3. You Just Can't Stop!!
4. I'm not tagging anyone else!
7 things I plan to do before I die:
1. Go to an S&M club (Video X wrote this one...I have to admit this is extremely fascinating for me)
2. Have sex again (Video X also wrote this one - but I agree)
3. Be self-employed
4. Join a crew (rowing) club
5. Own a convertible
6. Move someplace warm
7. Pole dance
7 things I can do:
1. Make fun of myself
2. Take my shirt off
3. Drive a stick (pun! pun!)
4. Read a map (great sense of direction)
5. Speak Spanish
6. Dance
7. Memorize random trivia
7 things I cannot do:
1. Ski
2. Ride a horse
3. Sail
4. Ice-skate
5. Cheat
6. Smoke
7. Find a man
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Comedy - ability to crack jokes
2. Wide shoulders/bi-ceps
3. Clean-cut look
4. Observant
5. Active social life
6. Great dancer (esp hip-hop)
7. Realistic perspective
7 things I say most often:
1. Hmmmm.....
2. Blaaacccchhh!!
3. Anyways
4. 4-letter cuss words
5. Darlin'
6. What??
7. Huh?
7 celebrity crushes:
1. Russell Crowe
2. Liev Schreiber
3. Hugh Jackman
4. Jason Statham
5. Vin Diesel
6. Colin Farrell
7. Matt Damon
7 tags:
1. Brownie
2. Shelley
3. You Just Can't Stop!!
4. I'm not tagging anyone else!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Shopping...in a Sex Shop!
What a great deal! This new sushi place opened up at Ballston and since my friend S is Ms. Sushi Queen she invites me and N to join her. Now get this! They're trying to drum up business, so on Tuesdays it's 50% off all cocktails and they pass out coupons for 10% off all sushi. They also give us soup and a free crab appetizer. They have this cool bar where the sushi is on a conveyor and you simply pick up the plate you wish to eat. Great environment!What happened to K, S's boyfriend? He was supposed to join us - did he get lost? S lost her phone on Monday and I have horrible reception in Asahi and in front of Rock Bottom Brewery, so we use N's phone. He's not coming - he got lost...Oh well!
So what do 3 girls talk about when they get together - boys!! No, I'm not repeating any of our conversation - girl talk stays between the girls!
Afterwards, S and I say goodbye to N and head to Tysons to purchase supplies for R's bridal shower. So what supplies do we need? Let's see...Party Mania for plastic wine glasses, Trader Joe's for booze, AND Night Dreams for....sexual gag gifts.
Damn! Sex accessories are expensive! Cute little lubes are over $10 a bottle and let's not even talk about the toys! $100 for a pair of remote controlled vibrating underwear?? Anyone??
I find the S&M part of the store and what do I find? Oooohhh....dog collars! With words like sl*t, mistress, b*tch, and master emblazoned on them. I MUST have one!!
So we go up to the front to check out and there's this mason jar filled with pink lubes called liquid virgin.
I ask the shop girl, "What are these?"She explains that it's a chemical lube that makes a girl tighten up like a virgin, but she's very explicit that they're dangerous/ineffective if someone tries to use them regularly. Wow!! What will they think up next? 99¢ each - let's give one to R!
So we arrive back at S's condo and I show my dog collar to K. Apparently, he loves S&M stuff and is extremely jealous of my dog collar.
He asks S, "Why didn't you get me one?"Hmmm....let me not get involved in this little spat...bye, guys! I had fun!
"It was $15! Isn't that expensive?"
"No. Not at all."
I Love Margaritas!
| You Are a Margarita |
 You aren't just the life of the party, you are the party! You mix a good drink, bust out some great music, and know how to get down. |
What Mixed Drink Are You?
How true it is! I def let my hair down when I party - in fact, sometimes I let a little too much be exposed...
Sunday, October 16, 2005
How are Pancakes like Wives?
The gang leaves Corn's place and heads over to Kane's for his pancake-palooza. Nub says he knows the way and leads the 5-car caravan through the Herndon countryside. But wait up! Nub, do you really know where you're going? I swear we just were on Elden St! We're driving in circles!
Note to self: don't let blondes give directions....
Finally we find Kane's housing deveopment and park immediately at the main entrance. We call Kane to tell him we've arrived and he tells us to get back in our cars and drive to his building.
Damn Haystack! What walker's trail is complete without shenanigans and horseplay? And guess who today's victim is? You guessed it! Yours truly. I have my arms full with my pillow and Indian blanket, and he takes advantage of this. He pantses (sp??) me! Damn it! If I was wearing bikini briefs, I wouldn't care, but I'm wearing a g-string! I hope no one saw that!
Kane is a wonderful host. He's got the munchies ready and whips up a batch of pancakes and sausages for everyone. Yum!! Sausages!! I'm getting plenty of sausage today (pun! pun!)! I had a sausage patty at Corn's house before we left and was a very happy camper - and now I get more! ahhhh...I'm blissfully happy! Later, when the others arrive after the kickball game (which they lost, btw), another batch is cooked up - but this batch is sweet - must be maple sausages or something like that...
MM tells us a joke, but doesn't tell us the punchline. Can someone please tell me how pancakes are like wives? I mean...come on! You can't throw something like that at me and not tell me anything! I'm supposed to figure it out? Not fair!
This is supposed to be a movie-watching party, so we veg out to Bad Santa. Not bad, but I wish I was more awake and less hung-over - I would appreciate the humor more...and quit putting your feet on my pillow, Haystack! Gross! I can't leave my pillow unattended cause he keeps swiping it from me! Bring your own damn pillow!
Kane goes into his room and all of a sudden, we hear this whirring noise.
Note to self: don't let blondes give directions....
Finally we find Kane's housing deveopment and park immediately at the main entrance. We call Kane to tell him we've arrived and he tells us to get back in our cars and drive to his building.
We're all, like, "How far can it be? We'll walk!"Well...it turns out it's pretty far...it's our FatBoy recovery trail! We even have a shiggy water element! We opt to pass through a drainage ditch/gully in front of Kane's building.
Damn Haystack! What walker's trail is complete without shenanigans and horseplay? And guess who today's victim is? You guessed it! Yours truly. I have my arms full with my pillow and Indian blanket, and he takes advantage of this. He pantses (sp??) me! Damn it! If I was wearing bikini briefs, I wouldn't care, but I'm wearing a g-string! I hope no one saw that!
Kane is a wonderful host. He's got the munchies ready and whips up a batch of pancakes and sausages for everyone. Yum!! Sausages!! I'm getting plenty of sausage today (pun! pun!)! I had a sausage patty at Corn's house before we left and was a very happy camper - and now I get more! ahhhh...I'm blissfully happy! Later, when the others arrive after the kickball game (which they lost, btw), another batch is cooked up - but this batch is sweet - must be maple sausages or something like that...I say, "I like my sausages saltier".Everyone just looks at me...what? what did I say? hee hee...Yes, I know what I said! I'm instigating now!
MM tells us a joke, but doesn't tell us the punchline. Can someone please tell me how pancakes are like wives? I mean...come on! You can't throw something like that at me and not tell me anything! I'm supposed to figure it out? Not fair!
This is supposed to be a movie-watching party, so we veg out to Bad Santa. Not bad, but I wish I was more awake and less hung-over - I would appreciate the humor more...and quit putting your feet on my pillow, Haystack! Gross! I can't leave my pillow unattended cause he keeps swiping it from me! Bring your own damn pillow!Kane goes into his room and all of a sudden, we hear this whirring noise.
Nub shouts out, "Kane what are you doing in there? Are you drying your hair when your hair is dry?"We all start speculating on what the whirring noise could be...hmmm...some sex toy, perhaps? Nope! He pulls an air mattress out of his room. Great! A bed! Lemme climb on! At this point, the kickballers have arrived and we start watching Shaun of the Dead. I'm def more alert now! Very entertaining movie! Nub wants on the mattress, but doesn't have anyplace to rest his head - so what's he use as a pillow? You guessed it! Yours truly's chest. Nub then proceeds to crack jokes about my boobs. Hey, man! I'm being very accomodating here - no need to take advantage of the situation!
MM tells him, "You're digging yourself into a hole".All right, that's enough! Just pay attention to the stinkin' movies!
Nub replies, "I'm not digging in any holes!"
Pirates! Arrrr!
The Sh*t AGM! Yay! Ahoy, maties! Everyone's in pirate garb except for a handful of us - those that actually plan on running, like myself. It is such a beautiful, warm day, too! Perfect weather for a run. I hope the run isn't too long...
Now somehow, six of us runners don't hear And Hows Her Bush say "Runners AND Walkers out!". We actually think the six of us are the ONLY runners! And I am the ONLY female runner! What??
After running in the wrong direction and catching up with the walkers, we learn that we're now the DFLs cause the FRBs started out with the walkers. Damn it! Why does this stuff always happen to me? If I start off a DFL, I'll never catch up to the front of the pack. But what do you know? I actually catch up! AND, I'm one of the first 10 to arrive at the end! I'm not a DFL!! Yay!! But it's a super-long trail and I tend to perform better on longer trails than on the shorter ones.
Time to change into pirate garb! When I ask Certified for a place to change, she tells me to change behind the dumpster. Well...there aren't many people here, so okay. I still get harassed, though...someone informs Ass Ogre that I'm changing and he comes over to take a peek. Go away! There's nothing to see here! I am told that pirates don't wear fishnets. Hey! This is MY costume! If I wanna wear fishnets, I'm gonna wear 'em!
And speaking of pirate garb...is there only ONE costume for male pirates? OFE, I'd Rather F*ck My Sister, and Porn to Fail are all wearing the same pirate outfit. They do accessorize differently, though...IRFMS wears a freaky braided beard and OFE wears a bandana instead of his tricorn.
And remember my missing sock? I get my sock back....although it's disgusting! It's got goop inside it - damn you, people! Why'd you have to go ruin my sock like that? Gross! And Nub, OFE, Haystack, and IHOV aren't satisfied with just showing me my destroyed sock, but they have to actually toss it on me and get jizz all over my arm and in my hair (not my hair!). I later learn that OFE was the sole destroyer of my sock by squeezing a concoction of hair conditioner and sunless tanning cream into it. Thank God the jizz isn't REALLY jizz! (or is Nub just telling me that?)
Let the partying begin! What great decorations! And that pirate skeleton is awesome! It definitely gets lots of attention! First, Bleeder starts dancing with it and then starts freaking it. And later in the evening, DSW dances with the skeleton's head in her crotch. People! I know the allure of inanimate objects is overwhelming, but please! try to do that stuff in the privacy of your own homes!
We get some great giveaways! A skeleton mug with a temporary tattoo inside, a plastic sword, and a fleece vest. Boy! does that vest come in handy later! I'm so cold in the middle of the night that I'm very appreciative of the extra layer (esp since I packed a wifebeater as my pj top - not very insulating on a chill night).
This is my night for passing out. Although Sparks have lots of caffeine in them, I just can't seem to stay awake. First, I put my head down on a table in the main hall and people keep f*cking with my pirate hat. Can't you see I'm trying to get some rest here? Bleeder tells me to go someplace a bit less conspicuous, so I go in the galley and put my head on the grill. Yes, I know that's not a very safe place to rest your head, but where else am I gonna go? And people STILL aren't done f*cking with me! What do they do? They all make the trek and start snapping pics like I'm some animal in the friggin' zoo! Haven't you seen someone try and take a nap before? Leave me alone!
Damn those Sparks! They're nothing but trouble! Whose idea was it to take something that tastes like soda and infuse it with alcohol? When you're drinking them at a normal pace, there's no issues, but any faster and watch out! Poor Can't Stop the Semen! He decides to chug a FULL one for his down-down at the beginning circle. His immediate reaction? He clutches his stomach and gets teary-eyed - he totally feels ill. Hey man! If you wanna spew, go right ahead - we won't mind. But do I learn from watching his experience? No! I drink Sparks during the run and chug one in the ending circle, too (I don't feel immediately ill, though). Actually, the Sparks don't affect me seriously until I try to sleep - I'm queasy and the caffeine won't let me sleep (among other things).
I crash at Corn on the C*ck's place (pretty much everyone does). I thought I found myself a pretty quiet corner of the house, but unfortunately a noisy houseguest finds me. Damn you, C*ckSpur! Of all the people to fall on the mattress next to me, I get the snoring-est dude in the place! Of course, I try to find someplace else to sleep. Bottom floor - no way! there are more people down here than in the room I just left. Living room? Score! There's some dude in a chair, but he's not snoring - he must be pretty uncomfortable - he's gonna have a crick in his neck when he wakes up. Okay! I bed down against the wall and get a few more hours of sleep. Thank God - peace and quiet!
P.S. When sunlight finally wakes me out of my stupor, the random dude passed out in the armchair turns out to be Rodeo. Not that it has anything to do with anything, but figured y'all would be curious...
Now somehow, six of us runners don't hear And Hows Her Bush say "Runners AND Walkers out!". We actually think the six of us are the ONLY runners! And I am the ONLY female runner! What??
I beg the guys, "Please don't lose me!"Cute.
They reply, "We would NEVER leave THAT behind!"
After running in the wrong direction and catching up with the walkers, we learn that we're now the DFLs cause the FRBs started out with the walkers. Damn it! Why does this stuff always happen to me? If I start off a DFL, I'll never catch up to the front of the pack. But what do you know? I actually catch up! AND, I'm one of the first 10 to arrive at the end! I'm not a DFL!! Yay!! But it's a super-long trail and I tend to perform better on longer trails than on the shorter ones.
Time to change into pirate garb! When I ask Certified for a place to change, she tells me to change behind the dumpster. Well...there aren't many people here, so okay. I still get harassed, though...someone informs Ass Ogre that I'm changing and he comes over to take a peek. Go away! There's nothing to see here! I am told that pirates don't wear fishnets. Hey! This is MY costume! If I wanna wear fishnets, I'm gonna wear 'em!And speaking of pirate garb...is there only ONE costume for male pirates? OFE, I'd Rather F*ck My Sister, and Porn to Fail are all wearing the same pirate outfit. They do accessorize differently, though...IRFMS wears a freaky braided beard and OFE wears a bandana instead of his tricorn.
And remember my missing sock? I get my sock back....although it's disgusting! It's got goop inside it - damn you, people! Why'd you have to go ruin my sock like that? Gross! And Nub, OFE, Haystack, and IHOV aren't satisfied with just showing me my destroyed sock, but they have to actually toss it on me and get jizz all over my arm and in my hair (not my hair!). I later learn that OFE was the sole destroyer of my sock by squeezing a concoction of hair conditioner and sunless tanning cream into it. Thank God the jizz isn't REALLY jizz! (or is Nub just telling me that?)
Let the partying begin! What great decorations! And that pirate skeleton is awesome! It definitely gets lots of attention! First, Bleeder starts dancing with it and then starts freaking it. And later in the evening, DSW dances with the skeleton's head in her crotch. People! I know the allure of inanimate objects is overwhelming, but please! try to do that stuff in the privacy of your own homes!We get some great giveaways! A skeleton mug with a temporary tattoo inside, a plastic sword, and a fleece vest. Boy! does that vest come in handy later! I'm so cold in the middle of the night that I'm very appreciative of the extra layer (esp since I packed a wifebeater as my pj top - not very insulating on a chill night).
This is my night for passing out. Although Sparks have lots of caffeine in them, I just can't seem to stay awake. First, I put my head down on a table in the main hall and people keep f*cking with my pirate hat. Can't you see I'm trying to get some rest here? Bleeder tells me to go someplace a bit less conspicuous, so I go in the galley and put my head on the grill. Yes, I know that's not a very safe place to rest your head, but where else am I gonna go? And people STILL aren't done f*cking with me! What do they do? They all make the trek and start snapping pics like I'm some animal in the friggin' zoo! Haven't you seen someone try and take a nap before? Leave me alone!
Damn those Sparks! They're nothing but trouble! Whose idea was it to take something that tastes like soda and infuse it with alcohol? When you're drinking them at a normal pace, there's no issues, but any faster and watch out! Poor Can't Stop the Semen! He decides to chug a FULL one for his down-down at the beginning circle. His immediate reaction? He clutches his stomach and gets teary-eyed - he totally feels ill. Hey man! If you wanna spew, go right ahead - we won't mind. But do I learn from watching his experience? No! I drink Sparks during the run and chug one in the ending circle, too (I don't feel immediately ill, though). Actually, the Sparks don't affect me seriously until I try to sleep - I'm queasy and the caffeine won't let me sleep (among other things).I crash at Corn on the C*ck's place (pretty much everyone does). I thought I found myself a pretty quiet corner of the house, but unfortunately a noisy houseguest finds me. Damn you, C*ckSpur! Of all the people to fall on the mattress next to me, I get the snoring-est dude in the place! Of course, I try to find someplace else to sleep. Bottom floor - no way! there are more people down here than in the room I just left. Living room? Score! There's some dude in a chair, but he's not snoring - he must be pretty uncomfortable - he's gonna have a crick in his neck when he wakes up. Okay! I bed down against the wall and get a few more hours of sleep. Thank God - peace and quiet!
P.S. When sunlight finally wakes me out of my stupor, the random dude passed out in the armchair turns out to be Rodeo. Not that it has anything to do with anything, but figured y'all would be curious...
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