And I Thought I Knew Everything About DC Hashing

As y’all know, I’m a dedicated hasher. Now I’m looking for some goodies to take out to the Tex/Mex Interhash in two weeks, and I’ve heard that DCH4 has good stuff. What’s even better is that I hear they’re having a pub crawl in Bethesda today. Wow! I can’t miss that! It’s in my hood, I get to check out the bars down the street from my office, and I get to hash to boot. Can’t beat that for an afternoon.

Well, first things first, I learn that Dead Hare is the GM. I didn’t know that! He hared with me on my virgin haring experience with the Sh*tters. I also run into Dust Balls, whom I haven’t seen since the EWH3 hash before RDR weekend. Well, whattya know? He's going to Tex/Mex too! I didn’t realize he was from Austin originally. And apparently he discovered my blog earlier this week. Hmmmm…..another fan?

Now, I am truly ashamed of myself today. I should be running (well, after my poor performance running at last night’s Full Moon, maybe I shouldn’t be). I forgot to wear a sweatshirt or sweater over my t-shirt and as a result have to wear my houndstooth coat to stay warm. Well, I’m not about to run in my heavy winter coat, so I’m walking today (booo!).

Second thing I learn about DCH4 is that there is no walker’s trail. WTF?? No walker’s trail? Not that I need a walker’s trail often, but it’s nice to know that it’s there when I need it (like last night). The walkers simply follow the same trail the runners use – how on earth do they keep up? Well, these walkers definitely do not pussy-foot around (pun! pun!) – they are some seriously fast walkers! I’ve got long legs and walk pretty fast myself, but I’ve gotta struggle to keep up with this crew (and most of them are older than me by at LEAST 15 years).

The third thing I learn about DCH4 is that there is no beer check in the middle of the run. These folks just do their thing and run back for their beer. Def makes for a quick hash!

Finally, these hashers take the slightest hashing infraction seriously. I get violated 4 times! 4 times! That’s a record for me! First, I’m a lightweight, so by chugging 4 beers within the space of 15 minutes is enough to knock me out. Second, I’m drinking some kind of Mexican beer – Texate or some crap like that (oh, sorry, will I be drinking nothing but Mexican beer at the Tex/Mex?).

So what do I get violated for?

• Being a first timer (nothing better than the first time!)
• Using the elevator to get out of the parking garage
• Sex on trail (I didn’t have sex on trail! Jeez, people! Apparently, my cell phone has the tune from Sex in the City. I thought it was just some cool salsa song. Who knew?)
• Sunglasses (Now hats, I knew about, but sunglasses? That’s a new one for me)

The ending circle ends with the traditional “Swing Low”, but I am criticized for using the wanking gesture for “cumming” in the song. Instead, I am instructed to thrust my pelvis outward and place both hands behind my head. No prob! I can easily substitute that gesture! Now after all my whining about drinking 4 beers, I surprise Dead Hare when I opt to join others in a round of Irish Car Bombs. They’re so yummy! I can’t resist. And guess what? I win the down-down!

Dead Hare teases the others, “Beat by a girl! Beat by a girl!”

I’m shocked! I never win down-downs. I guess drinking all those down-downs during violations was good practice.

After I sit back down, I find a nickel on the bar. Then 5 minutes later, I find two quarters next to the nickel. Why’re all these coins appearing in front of me out of nowhere? Trying to buy services? I’m not that kind of girl, you know. Of course, no one fesses up to placing them in front of me, so I start playing air hockey with the nickel and quarters.

We move to Caddies cause we want some food and the Harp and Fiddle isn’t serving anything other than their New Year’s menu. Well, you know those touchscreen bar games with a million and one types of games to choose from? Well, I seat myself right in front of one. Of course, I can’t resist playing with the touchscreen, so I start flipping through the menus to see what’s available. Woohoo! What’s this? An erotic game section? Yep, sure is. Let’s play the photo hunt game.

The first round we play, we totally suck. But once we figure out that we need to pay attention to the background AND the nude chick, we kick a$$! It’s also so much better to find the differences in the photos when you have 6 pairs of eyes looking instead of 1. I discover that choosing babes instead of hunks also increases the participation rate (Gosh! Who woulda thought?)

Sorry, guys – I’ve gotta go. As much fun as I’m having playing erotic photo hunt, I’ve gotta get dressed for the New Year’s bash tonight!