Bye, Bye, IHOV!

IHOV is going to Beantown to complete her masters degree. We'll miss you, chickie! You haven't been around long, but you Trashers sure make your presence felt, don't you?

Coincidentally, Beltway Bob's is being held at Wonderland, a few short blocks from Red River's place where IHOV's going-away party will be.

Toothfairy is there already and I tell him to order me a $1 foot-long hotdog cause I'm starving. It's a short walk to Wonderland, but it's still in a rather unsavory neighborhood, Columbia Heights.

When I arrive, Toothfairy tells me that he and Pimpsicle have bet on whether I can swallow the foot-long hotdog whole. A girl doesn't reveal her talents just to settle some silly bet! I eat my hotdog like a normal person. With ketchup and mustard on top.

DITE calls me at Wonderland and asks for directions. She and Friendly Thighs are only one block away, so I expect to see them walk in the bar in a few minutes. When 10 minutes go by and they still haven't appeared, I call her to find out where she is. She walked all the way to Georgia Ave! That's a good 2 blocks farther than they needed to go!

On the way, the two get followed by some shady-looking dudes. They're very thankful when they spot a police car and run to it pretending that they're looking for directions. You guys would have been fine if y'all had paid attention to where you were going!

DITE tells me she's having issues with her phone. When she pulls it out of her pocket, Pimpsicle touches it and it shuts off. She says it must be a “lesbian phone”. Interesting…

You know, DITE is very literary. She works for a newspaper and submits her work for publication to Spanish journals. Some of her work is erotic fiction.

Pimpsicle appears surprised, “You actually get paid to write erotic fiction?”
“Yes. I even have a story that is semi-auto-biographical and LNDT is a secondary character.”

This is news to me. I’m in one of DITE’s erotic novellas? How amusing! This goes along with my theory that I was a porn star in a previous life.

Pimpsicle asks, “What is your role and LNDT’s role?”

She doesn’t answer the question, but does answer that she has written many short stories in Spanish. Pimpsicle offers to collaborate with her to publish her stories as an anthology. Very ambitious, wouldn’t you say? But, he couldn’t understand the book even if it was published – it’s in Spanish, dude!

We head over to IHOV's party. Along the way, we run into this adorable toddler and his mother. DITE tries to be friendly and say hello. When she approaches the kid, he spits on the ground at her. DITE, you're not making many friends tonight, are you?

We arrive at Red River's place and are surprised to discover that we're among the first to arrive. IHOV did herself proud, though. She is quite the chef. Take note, guys! She baked cookies, a flourless chocolate cake, and made homemade guacamole. All extremely tasty and sinful!

What’s in this jungle juice? The stuff’s green, but IHOV tells me it's called Blue. After one full Solo cup and a few sips of a second Solo cup, my stomach is winding up in knots. What have you people done to me? You sure there isn’t any Everclear in this stuff?

Takes It Up the Ehhh is in attendance. Uh oh! He’s bad news.

I tell him, “I have a restraining order out against you. You can’t get within 10 feet of me.”

I cross my fingers to ward off his evil presence. I continue to ward him off for the rest of the evening. Like that really stops him...

Quote of the Day:
Nub: “What I used to be able to do all night, now takes me all night to do.”
I’m very sorry for you, Nub. Truly, I am.

I also wanted to write about the karaoke nazi that lives with Red River, but I'm tired and I've posted lots of stuff today. Maybe if you ask nicely, I can tell you that story another day...