Renn Faire

The Maryland Renaissance Festival is a hasher’s paradise! There’s plenty of tongue-in-cheek humor, beer, and buxom wenches and foppish dandies to entertain the hounds and harriettes alike. Stick it in Your Socket is dressed quite fetchingly in a pirate costume she found at Party City for $15. I found a club top I bought several years ago (with the price tags still attached!) that looks serving wench-ish (after pulling the shoulders down a bit to display a bit of cleavage, of course!). RU-469 recommends that I actually SERVE the guys since I’m dressed the part. Hey! If they ask me, I’ll serve them whatever their hearts desire!

OFE is bit overwhelmed by all the subliminal humor and goes a bit loony chasing down the nuts boy (what did he want to do with him, anyway?). Kane gets in on the action by snapping pics of OFE snapping pics. You two are quite the pair, aren’t you? I’m sure if you check out their sites, you’ll get more than you bargained for!

At some point, I’m in search of a meat stick (Steak on a Stake, FYI! – what are YOU thinking of?) and Kane's buddy, C, and RU-469 join me. As I’m waiting for RU-469 to return, C tells me he’ll hit the privy and meet up with us (at least that’s what I thought he said….). Well, we wait for 10 minutes and he doesn’t return! As we meet up with the others, I b*tch and moan about how LONG I waited….blah, blah, blah…Well, guess what? All my whining and complaining buys me a beer (I guilt-trip C into buying one)! OFE is disgusted and warns C not to fall for my ploys (is it because I still get beers even when I’m annoying? Or cause OFE can’t pull the same trick?).

All right, this is a bit off-topic, but I enjoy this conversation so much, I have to record it for future reference:

Rodeo exclaims, “Poppycock!”, in response to some b.s. comment someone made.
Dead Hare responds, “I hate it when that happens!”

Dudes! I totally fall over laughing! Just the mental picture painted in my head is worth a 1,000 words – totally hilarious! I’ve never heard that one before – but it’s a total winner! Going in my all-time favorite come-backs. Too bad I can’t use it in the future (it won’t work if a girl says it – how unfortunate!).

My lack of knowledge on sexual positions is evidently revealed at this point and Rodeo feels obliged to explain his namesake position and the spider monkey to me. Apparently, he has a doctorate in the sexual arts and is willing to give a quick SexEd 501 course (no demonstrations, though – he offers to move me around like a Barbie doll, but that would be a bit awkward in the middle of the fairgrounds – I refuse the offer – sorry to disappoint! – what a pic that would’ve made!). I am flattered, though, that he assumes I’m advanced enough for the 501 course (if you read my blog enough, you must wonder at that, no?).

A group of us catch a couple of the shows at the fairgrounds. One is the sword swallowing Johnny Fox. The other is the comedic duo, Hack & Slash. These guys have had to have been hashers at some point! They sing a rendition of the classic hasher song “Dough, Ray, Me” mixed with “99 Bottles of Beer”.

Dough, Ray, Me
Dough, the stuff that buys me beer
Ray, the guy who serves me beer
Me, the guy who drinks the beer
Far, a long long way for beer
So, I’ll have another beer
La, la la la la la beer
Tea, no thanks I’m drinking beer
Which brings us back to
Down, down, down down

Their whole act is about drinking! They encourage several members of the audience to purchase a dark ale for Hack and a hard cider for Slash.

Rodeo is inspired by their influence and says, “Get me a dark ale, wench!”

I oblige, of course (I got a beer out of it, too!).

Ahhh, what fun! Plenty of souvenirs (Many of us bought clay drinking vessels, Udder and C*ckSpur purchased pirate garb – Arrrr!). I’m beat, though! Five hard ciders is enough to knock me over! I totally pass out in Red River’s car within 3 minutes of leaving the fair grounds. The nap is totally worth it, though! I’m recharged for RoadKill’s house party!