Week 6: Training Run #1

Start time: 6:00am
Mileage: 1.80 miles
Time: 19:11
Elevation Gain: 421 feet
Temperature: 70 F
Terrain: Long gradual hill

I'm ashamed to even post these results, but a run is a run, no matter how short. I won't go into details, but let's just say that my body is not quite yet accustomed to the early morning hours.

Car Buying Update

Well, my first outing to walk car lots was a bit disappointing. Although I started with a laundry list of cars to choose from, there were very few cars that I was still interested in after viewing their size. Or it could be that the combined factor that I hadn't eaten and there was oppressive humidity made me b*tchy.


Regardless, the cars I'm still considering are now the Audi A3 and the Nissan Altima. I'm still interested in the Mini Cooper but need to get my butt out to Annapolis since there aren't any dealerships in the immediate DC area. The mechanical expert who accompanied me put the kibosh on the Mazda 3 and steered me towards a diesel-powered Jetta. Also, I'd like to see a greater variety of Audis - there weren't many at the dealership we went to. The challenge I am facing is that the 2007 inventory is running low and the 2008 inventory is starting to come in. If I don't make a decision soon, my selection of manual transmission vehicles will be very thin.

1132nd WH4 Hash

Today is Mellow’s annual birthday hash.

Now, lately, I haven't had much of note to write about concerning the hashes. However, today I make a HUGE blunder. I decide to follow some short-cutting bastards. Well, they didn't find any shortcut. Instead, I probably run a 1/2 mile to 3/4 mile off trail. Fortunately, Obeastiologist is a rather considerate short-cutter and marks trail for this woefully lost DFL.

Of course, I also have White Kane to keep me company as DFL. However, he has one condition. He must finish a few steps in front of me at the end. Bastard! What's it matter if you finish behind me? White House doesn't violate DFLs like the SH*T does. And what's the harm in drinking an extra beer anyhows?

Considering that I run an extra-long 1st half, you'd have thunk I would not run the 2nd half. But I guess I'm a glutton for punishment today cause I run the 2nd half too. This time, though, I finish well ahead of the DFLs. I guess I find a second wind.

However, I still don’t go to the bar because I’m tired from the long run. Yes, I know – what has gotten into me?

Aunty Wendy and Other Familial Ponderings: 10 Lessons Learned

1. You will get yelled at for teaching a baby the word “poop”. Using the 4-letter alternative as your defense does not pardon your actions.
2. Do not wear white around babies. You may get pooped on. And no, poop is not sterile – wash your hands.
3. Babies like bumpy rides in a 20-year old carriage. Who knew that getting your brain rattled in a carriage was a pre-cursor to our love for roller coasters?
4. Babies can create boogers as large as adult boogers. I guess some things just don’t grow proportionally over time.
5. The hardest core drinkers are those that are under 21 and over 50 (with the exception of myself – and I just get plastered quickly). Why is it always the ones that have something to prove?
6. Apparently, Aunty Wendy is a silly-looking human being that inspires laughter. What? Do I have green stuff stuck between my teeth?
7. Either Grammy’s beds or the DE air are laced with chloroform cause everyone was asleep by 9:30pm and didn’t wake up until 8am. Maybe it’s the methane from the neighboring cow farm?
8. The biggest selling beers in the sticks are Coors Light and Natty Light – even Miller Light is upscale for the local beer and wine store. Have I just stepped into another century? Thank God my brother brought a case of bottled Yuengling.
9. According to my grandpa, my family’s residence is the ideal vacation spot compared to Rehobeth Beach and Virginia Beach. Of course it is, Gramps! No cable, no internet, no nightlife, no hashing – where else would I rather go?
10. When you wake up the morning after and your head aches and you’ve got bruises on your chest – don’t imagine that you’ve had another drunken interlude with Hoover. Nope, your baby nephew simply pulled all your hair out of your head and beat it against your chest during the previous evening.

Week 5: Training Run #1

Start time: 9:15am
Mileage: 4.70 miles
Time: 50:01
Elevation Gain: 561feet - this has got to be wrong! I'm in DE for crap's sake!
Temperature: 80 F
Terrain: Flat Pavement

423rd EWH3 Hash: Tour duh Hash

I’m not quite sure what to expect tonight as EWH3 is typically a large crowd regardless of the event and today promises to be another large hash. As expected, I’m kept on my feet keeping track of wankers as 184 of them decided to show tonight (in fact, I’m positive I didn’t catch them all, but considering how many there are, I can’t keep up with all of them. I wonder if that is why we have never broken 190 in my tenure – my brain stops processing hashers after 180??).

I’m walking today. I’m not sure what that cycling in the morning is doing to me, but my legs feel a little too wobbly to go on the run today. It’s a shame I miss it too because trail goes through the National Zoo. I love it when we run through there! I wish I had run trail… Ah well, maybe I can go to the zoo during my free time one of these weekends.

The beer check is at Little Red’s place. Oh! How is Pirate the kitty doing? I kind of miss the little rapscallion – even if he did almost chew my leg off in the middle of the night. I know how busy Little Red must be with coordinating the beer check, so although I would love to take a peek, I don’t want to chance him running out of the apartment just as a hasher is coming through the building (that would be a catastrophe!).

Chlorine is in attendance and so is Velvet Vulva. As usual, we are working on our planning activities for the Drink, Pillage, and Plunder weekend we are organizing. Cause there is nothing like multi-tasking at the hash! This is turning out to be quite a varied group of folks that are involved. Although the majority of contributors are from the SH*T Hash, the Baltimore-Annapolis contingent is helping out and so are a few WH4ers. I can’t say that I have helped out much to date, but my leverage will come later in the promotional area. Y’all will see!

Bar: Uptown Tavern

Total Bar Count: 83

Total DC Bars: 40

Disaster!!

So we’ve had a scheduling snafu. Ft. Eustis H3 scheduled the Virginia Interhash for the same weekend as Chlorine’s heavily planned “Drink, Pillage, and Plunder” event. Now I feel kind of guilty about this because if I had paid more attention to the date or looped @ss into what we were up to maybe this could have all been averted. But no, I didn’t tell @ss and he didn’t tell Neandersmall who couldn’t adjust the date once we found out there was a conflict.

So now what?? Find another date that will work. Fortunately, we hadn’t signed the bus contract yet or put the deposit down for the park pavilion. We will adjust. Of course, some of the details will need to be adjusted, but we’ll iron those details out shortly. Hopefully, we will get our rego out in the next few weeks – I’m shooting for TITS (or at the latest Trif*ckta).

Articles of Note

I’ve been quite ambitious lately. Remember how I said the other day that just because I haven’t been posting, doesn’t mean that I haven’t been writing? Well, below are links to evidence that proves that I’ve been working/assisting on some extra-curricular activities.

DC Road Wh*res Hash Trash – Stinko de Mayo

DC Road Wh*res Hash Trash – Cheap Mexican

DC Road Wh*res Hash Trash – Anarchy

Work newsletter – Merits of Donating vs. Volunteering

258th SH*T Hash: Tour duh Hash

Bar: Killroys

Total Bar Count: 82

Total DC Bars: 39

CoTEX – 25-ish Lessons Learned

Although my lessons are numbered 1 through 25, my first 4 lessons are several-part lessons (which is why it’s 25-ish).

1. Some lessons are NOT learned – at Texas Interhash, hashers discovered that interactions with the locals can end up in fights, with stolen property, and threats from the property manager. Sounds eerily reminiscent of this past weekend, doesn’t it? As a result, the following lessons are belatedly coming to fruition:
1. Locals in a secluded pop-500 town will crash a hasher party for the beer.
2. Another corollary: Don’t assume locals are invited simply cause some of the harrierettes decide to hook up with them.
3. Keep valuables locked. That way they won’t disappear when everyone goes to bed.
4. Threatening the locals with police intervention or holding a cowboy hostage is a successful strategy in recovering stolen property.
5. Beware of overly greedy property managers. They most likely do not have hasher’s best interests at heart.
2. Don’t bother with eating the food at a “resort”:
1. The “resort” food is overpriced, overcooked, and will not stay put in your stomach anyways.
2. There are always generous hashers with RVs and camping equipment to mooch off of.
3. The town is only 5 miles away. Usually, a hasher can down enough aspirin in the a.m. to withstand the short drive for breakfast. Plan to have a designated driver for other meals.
4. Snack food was included in the registration price. Chips, veggies, and bagels with beer might not be the healthiest meal, but they’ll keep you satiated for a long time.
5. Even if you take up a collection to feed 2 desperately inebriated hashers, you have no guarantee that they will actually eat.
3. Brownie trails are lessons unto themselves:
1. Pub crawls designed by Brownie will inevitably only include a maximum of 3 bars. He will either pass out at the third bar or some act of God will prevent a trail to the fourth bar to be laid.
2. Any trail that takes 4 hours to lay will result in the pack laying their own trail. However, Brownie will provide special rewards to the nuts running his 4-hour trail: a bottle of Night Train and a ¼-mile ride back to the main bunkhouse. Wow! Isn’t he a great hare.
3. Do not lay a trail with green vegetables on green grass. Color-blind hashers may have trouble distinguishing the broccoli from the lawn.
4. If you are a male v*rgin with pencil-eraser-sized nips, you may:
1. Be requested to go shirtless
2. Receive titty-twisters 20 times a day
3. Get named
4. Have a tit-off with a harrierette
5. If you get into a knock-down, hair-pulling fight with someone, at least remember the reason why you almost strangled the person. Also, don’t assume that your best friend or girlfriend will not help the other side.
6. If you find several glow sticks in your bed, you should rightly assume that you were anally probed by aliens in the middle of the night.
7. If you feel a warm body part on your leg, it is either a c*ck or an @ss crack.
8. Just because you are shown a picture of a 13-Oreo c*ck, do not claim to be 2 Oreos larger than the picture. Cause harrierettes WILL acquire a sleeve of Oreos to perform measurements.
9. A normal size girl can “ride” an albino midget, but an albino midget cannot “ride” a normal size girl.
10. Don’t perform handsprints on gravel, you may resemble Jesus Christ afterwards.
11. If you have plans to sleep with someone, make sure you tell that person before they decide to sleep with someone else.
12. Don’t assume that since bars are open until 1am that the main bunkhouse will remain open until that time. There are people sleeping in that building – didn’t you know?
13. Why sleep in a bed when you can sleep in the back of a SUV? We all KNOW how comfortable that is.
14. On-on ale will give you a killer hangover. However, when there is only 1 tap available, tap the keg with the biggest kick.
15. Wearing a tube top while dancing will cause you to inadvertently flash the bar.
16. Don’t sing karaoke to unfamiliar country songs. No matter how good you THINK you are – you are not.
17. Chuck E Cheeks can tell entertaining hasher stories for hours on end. He’s like a hasher “whisperer”.
18. If you’re painting your nails while playing 3-man, remember to use acrylic nail polish (cause of your fingernail oil). Also, try to be sober enough to accompany your best friend on the turkey trail.
19. Dancing in nothing but your cowboy boots will put doubts upon a previous 15-Oreo claim.
20. Ask and you shall receive: a strip lap-dance for a 16-year-old’s birthday? No problem. Who let that 16-year-old hash anyways?
21. If you go to the Purple Castle with the intention of earning a sticker by eating everything on your plate, try to order a plate that at least “sounds” small.
22. Also, throwing up your food once you’ve eaten it, will not qualify you for the clean plate sticker….unless the event occurs after viewing the contents of the latrine in Brownie’s backyard.
23. Don’t assume that sleeping arrangements can’t change after the first night. Anything is possible. Remember the TRASH saying: “You don’t lose your girlfriend, you just lose your turn.”
24. When administering apple pie shots, remember to inspect all eye protection and hole sizes. If necessary, enlarge holes and borrow glasses.
25. A dog tag to proclaim your property is simply not enough. Belt a chastity chain around your property’s waist to ensure it doesn’t stray.

Bars: Artic, Benny’s, Dutch Mill Tavern, Phantom Canyon, Ritz, South Park Saloon

Total Bar Count: 81

Total DC Bars: 38

I was actually in 2 additional bars during the CoTex Pub Crawl, but was too drunk to drink in either of them.

Early Mornings!

Ugghhh!!! I'm not a morning person. But I've found that since spring and summer have arrived that I have less and less free time to spend at home effectively eliminating any workout time. So what's a determined chick to do? Find another time to exercise.

For the last 2 weeks, I've been receiving wake up calls at the crack of dawn (5:45am) to ensure I go to the gym. I used to have one all-over weight lifting routine that I did one night per week. Now, I do my workout split into 2 parts: chest, back, and shoulders for one routine and lower body, bis and tris for the other. I'm still going to my abs class twice a week, but now I've thrown in a 45-miniute spinning class too to increase the cross-training factor.

Unfortunately, both last week and this week are short weeks for me, so I haven't gotten any training runs in other than at the hashes and races I attended (5 out of the past 8 days - thank you!). Oh, I haven't posted about those yet, have I? Don't worry...I'll get around to it.

1129th WH4 Hash

I can’t miss an event in Bethesda. And of course, one of my favorite hashers, Takes It Up the Ehhh, is haring. This is actually my first White House hash since they have moved to Mondays for the summer. I’ve missed White House. I’ve been traveling so much that I’ve forgotten how much fun they can be. I’m glad they’re back to Mondays again, so I can enjoy their lively circles.

Notable Event:

I left for the bar before this occurred so this is all hear-say (I’m spreading rumors!), but shortly after circle broke up, the Bethesda police showed up. Now considering that the police station borders the end location, I’m surprised they’ve never shown up in the past when we’ve ended circles there. However, what did or did not happen in the past has no bearing on tonight’s activities so let me continue with my gossip-mongering. Anyway, they rounded up everyone that was departing (even calling back people trying to escape through stairwells) and asked EVERYONE to present ID proving that everyone is over 21. They carded all 50 or so people that were at the hash.

And here I am in the bar wondering what has happened to everyone while they’re being interrogated by the cops!

Anyway – Hooray for the Hash Cash (Bob LoBlaw)! See y’all question why I card our v*rgins – that’s why! Cause I’m not going to jail for serving a minor!

Bar: Barking Dog

Total Bar Count: 75

Total DC Bars: 38

The Barking Dog doesn’t count since I have visited it previously.

999th BAH3 Hash

I haven’t been to Baltimore-Annapolis since last summer, but today Peace O’Chum has specifically requested her friends’ presence at her 1-year anniversary of moving to MD. Unfortunately, the day is cloudy and overcast, and shortly before arriving at Peace O’Chum’s house, the skies open up. So is trail canceled? No way!

Apparently BAH3 has discovered the secret to laying trail during rain. Use self-rising flour. She pre-laid her trail an hour before we arrive, but the flour stays on the ground for 3+ hours throughout the entire drizzle. This is def something other hares need to learn! I can’t tell you how many trails have been led by a sweeper to the end due to rain.

Regardless, this trail encompasses multiple stream crossings. And we’re not talking about water to our ankles here. We’re talking full-blown wading up to your hips. Of course, we have plenty of hashers that have some sort of falling incident on trail – tripping over an underwater rock, sliding down muddy banks on our @sses, tripping over thorns/branches stretched across the path. You name it - shiggy out the wazoo. We even have an underwater intersection. I don’t think the hares planned it that way though. It appears that since the intersection is in a swampy area, the hares didn’t realize it would become obscured by rising water. Who knew?

I have to admit, that once I start running, I really don’t feel the rain at all – especially while in the woods. I even think it warms up a little bit – but that could be my imagination. After one trek downstream, though, I walk out of the water looking like the Swamp Thing. I’ve got stream grasses wrapped all around my legs up to my knees and these bright-green sticker balls all up and down my legs. It’s a good thing I decided to wear long pants today.

However, that decision didn’t prevent me from getting PI while tripping over roots. While climbing up a slight incline I trip over some roots and end up face first in thorns. I end up getting a major cut on my left hand, but must have landed in PI too cause later I’ve got PI on my upper arms and hands. Fortunately, PI on my arms and hands is never as severe as on my legs – just painful to deal with but not gross and disgusting to look at.

Kudos:

The shot is fabulous. It’s called Sweet Tight P*ssy and tastes like a Melon Ball. I HAVE to get the recipe from Peace O’Chum.

Rant:

During circle, @ss sings a song that has the following lyrics:

It’s raining, It’s pouring,

S*x with you is boring

Of course, the circle busts out laughing, but it takes @ss a moment to realize why they’re laughing. Jeez! He better apologize! Or he is gonna find that sex really can be boring….by himself!

Race for the Cure Results

Start time: 8:00am
Mileage: 3.13 miles
Time: 33:56
Elevation Gain: 336 feet
Temperature: 80 F
Terrain: Flat Pavement

I ran the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this morning, and am disappointed by my results. It was really hot out, but there was no reason for me to struggle so badly most of the way through. My running has gone kaput in this summer weather. I'm not sure what's to blame...

BTW, we're gonna have to use my Garmin for official record-keeping on this one cause the Race for the Cure is not a chip-timed race.

421st EWH3 Hash

Once again, EWH3 is holding a Betty Ford trail with 7 shot checks in addition to our regularly scheduled beer check and ending circle. Oddly enough, though, the attendance is quite light this year at 145 wankers vs. last year’s 163 wankers. Although it’s just as hot outside as it was last year, last year there was a prospect of rain. Of course, at the WH4 Memorial Day barbecue last year, Anal Fission did promote the hash big-time as his going-away hash. Maybe that had something to do with last year’s attendance…. Regardless, this year’s Betty Ford Relapse trail promises to inebriate everyone on the runners trail.

I wish I could give you a detailed recollection of the 7 shots on the trail, but I didn’t consume every shot. Why? First off, I drink 2 shots at the 1^st shot check and proceed to lose my running buddy, Double-Stuffed Wh*re-E-O afterwards. Then at the 2^nd shot check, I drink the liquored-up Kool-aid, but eat some additional Everclear-laced fruit (which isn’t necessary). The apple doesn’t taste bad. But the pineapple just about knocks me over. I throw away the 2^nd piece of pineapple I pick up. How I’m capable of running straight to Poop Weiner’s abode, I have no idea. In fact, I even shortcut and somehow lose the 10 justs that insist on following trail even though I know exactly where to go. Jeez! Just because I’m a DFL doesn’t mean I don’t know where I’m going. I almost NEVER get lost on trail.

Regardless, I skip the shot check at Poop Weiner’s and instead guzzle water. When Poop Weiner offers another shortcutting suggestion, I take him up on it. Wouldn’t you in 90+ heat and 3+ shots running through your system? Am I glad I refused the scotch that General’s Farm Animal offered me at sign-in! Oral Support is running with me at this point and tells me not to be concerned about General’s well-being – he had others partake of his scotch in order not to be completely sh*t-faced.

I will have to say that the hares thankfully learned from last year and ensured that none of the shots are milk-based. It was pretty disruptive on the stomach to have milk-based shots curdling in our stomachs along with tequila and who knows what else. I certainly didn’t hurl, but I def wanted to (this was before I discovered the benefits of becoming a bulimic alcoholic)!

Kudos:

To impromptu namings. Today’s scribe, Obeastiologist violates a just for wearing a heart-rate monitor on trail. Of course, he claims that her heart rate accelerated whenever a dude ran by, so she was actually wearing a cock rate monitor. So, Bloody @sshole decides that C*ck Rate Monitor is a perfect name. Hilarious! I totally approve!

Bar: Pour House

Total Bar Count: 75

Total DC Bars: 38

Car Buying Research

I’m thinking about buying a new car. I’m not quite sure if I will trade in my Montero Sport yet, but don’t relish making 2 car insurance payments annually. Unfortunately, I tend to be extremely picky when choosing vehicles, which is why I haven’t purchased a vehicle yet in the 9 years since I originally bought my Montero Sport.

My base requirements? Manual transmission. Total price after taxes and accessories: Under $27K. Sunroof. 25 mpg in the city; anything above that highway. Cruise control (you’d be surprised how many cars don’t have this feature even today).

Which leaves me with a very small crop of cars to choose from where I actually like the styling. Only two cars are on my must-test drive list: the Mini Cooper and the Dodge Caliber. The Mazda 3 was high on my list until I discovered that one of my base requirements wasn’t available. I’ve been told to investigate other hatchbacks like the Subarus and Toyotas, but they’re too OLD for me. And other cars like the Scion xA just look cheap. Even after you soup the car up and put every after-market bell-and-whistle you can find, the cars are still bland.

Which takes me back to my two selections:

The Mini Cooper is BMW-made, which probably means that parts are going to be expensive down the road. In addition, the car is TINY – a HUGE departure from my roomy Montero Sport. Even if I have passengers in the back seat, there is not much likelihood that they will be comfortable. If I treat the Mini Cooper like a 2-seater and keep the back seats down permanently, I still will only have the trunk space available of a standard sedan.

The Dodge Caliber is Chrysler-made, which looking back on last week’s news that Daimler-Benz has sold off its Chrysler division, leaves a car-shopper wondering if parts WILL be available down the road. On top of that, Dodge cars have never been well known for their maintenance records. That may have changed in recent years, but American cars still lag their Japanese counterparts for reliability.

Which gets me to my next point: my mechanic is my dad. My dad is partial to GM products. Just this past weekend, he replaced my brakes and was complaining that the brake assembly consisted of 10 components instead of one unit like his Suburban or his Corvette.

Now, I don’t care if my dad will be a die-hard GM fan until his dying day (God forbid!), but how many 60s-bred mechanics are out there that still live and breathe that motto? The answer: tons. It is easier to fix a pre-90s vehicle without all the electronic gadgetry than it is to fix any vehicle made in the US today. Why do you think they only sell 70s-era vehicles (not vehicles from the 70s, but the vehicle design from the 70s) in Africa where state-of-the-art mechanic shops are impractical and impossible to establish? Exactly my point – cause any vehicle-owner can fix their own vehicle out in the desert with a few simple tools.

But forget about my rambling…..I’m picky and trying to find a car that has the amenities I want and will not cost more than half my mortgage will be my challenge for the next couple months.

Week 4: Training Run #1

Start time: 6:30pm
Mileage: 3.35 miles
Time: 36:31
Elevation Gain: 505 feet
Temperature: 85 F
Terrain: Pavement with long gradual hills

Modem/Router Problems

Sorry for the late posts, y’all, but I’ve developed some kind of modem/router problem at home. I think it’s my modem, but I’ve never been a hardware tech, so what do I know? In any case, I’ve been meaning to post my lessons learned from Anarchy for over a week and have finally posted them today. And don't assume that just because I'm not posting that I'm not writing. I've been working longer hours at work which cuts into my personal blogging time. I've got 10 posts that I've drafted and need to get published - so be on the lookout!

In the meantime, does anyone know why a laptop would lose a connection to the internet with virtually no change to the environment? Is something sucking up bandwidth? I’ve got VOIP with 3 cordless phones, a desktop computer (which I hardly turn on), and 2 laptops (one of which has been on power-save mode for the past 3 months). Usually, my laptop maintains a connection with my router, while the router is unable to connect to the internet.

I will wake up in the morning after having a solid internet connection the night before and my connection will be lost. Help!!

Virginia Beach Weekend: 15 Lessons Learned

1. If you insist on finishing a bottle of butterscotch liqueur, then expect to achieve a state of inebriation where you forget half of the evening’s activities and make-out with the closest available person.
2. 4-year old expired Magnums are as effective as non-expired condoms. They all still break after 30 minutes.
3. If you leave the back door unlocked with a note on the coffee table stating you’re not home, don’t be surprised if you receive a mystery response from an unknown (and uninvited) guest.
4. Dirty Dogg has no concept of time. When he states that he will be back on the beach in one hour, multiply his estimate by 3.
5. When you go to the beach, make sure to pack your swim suit in your travel bag – not leave it in your laundry basket in the back of your car (which is not at the beach).
6. If your friends are visiting a DC friend’s beach condo, don’t be surprised when they plan to sleep the entire weekend there. Keep an overnight bag in your car for such eventualities.
7. Salt water takes the itch out of poison ivy. Too bad it doesn’t take care of the oozing pus.
8. If you don’t place sunblock on your feet, don’t be surprised by the tan line your sandals leave on your feet.
9. Making your bed partner wait an extra 5 hours for their sex ration, may result in your partner's wet dreams becoming a bit more vivid than either of you expected (butt cheeks can simulate a v*gina anytime, didn't you know?).
10. Neighbors are good people to know. A select few may offer you Crown Royal, an instant $100 spot-loan, and time-shares for $160.
11. When you encounter 12-mile back-ups on the interstate, be adventurous. Take the scenic route. You may get to experience the thrill of the road less traveled (and the farm stenches that accompany it).
    
12. When enforced condom use for 3 months still results in cleaning spooge off your stomach, it's time to throw in the towel. Just rely on the b.c.
13. When you are expecting an out-of-town guest, don't expect them to wait on your doorstep while you're playing Tippy cup at a campout.
14. Innocent, dead sand crabs will scare the living bejesus out of a 29-year-old man when you toss them on his lap (He was scared of the water snake that entered his tent during Cheap Mexican too). P*ssy!!
15. Cats that have never seen dogs and dogs that have never seen cats will not necessarily tear each other to pieces. Especially when the cats are bigger than the dogs.
    

Bars: Mahi Mah’s, Rudee’s, Chicho’s, Ocean Eddie’s

Total Bar Count: 74

Total DC Bars: 37

Grandpa Got Me Drunk!

I go to DE this Friday cause my grandparents haven’t seen me since March and I would like to take care of some of my overdue chores (laundry, car washing/waxing, and brake inspection/overhaul). Since I was able to get out of work early and avoided most of the Memorial Day traffic by taking the scenic routes, I arrive in time for my grandparents to take me out to dinner at their favorite seafood joint.

Now technically, the place isn’t a bar, BUT like all redneck joints…..it has a dive bar attached to the waiting area, so I’m gonna label the place as a bar/restaurant and get my bar count for it. Ha! Who’s gonna stop me anyways?

Moving along, I order what I think will be a wonderful grilled tuna dinner. Yummm!!! Fish!!! Unfortunately (or fortunately), dinner takes a looooong time arriving. My grandpa orders a full carafe of his favorite wine, Beringer White Zinfandel (hey! It might taste like Kool-Aid, but it does the trick). And we proceed to consume the entire carafe before dinner even arrives. So what’s my grandpa to do? Order an additional half-carafe. Jeez! Pop! I don’t need to drink that much with my dinner!

Well, I spoke too soon. When my dinner arrives, I discover that my tuna is more overcooked than I like it (d*mn ahi tuna for screwing with my taste buds). Now I really NEED to wash my tuna down with wine. I should’ve sent it back, but I’m sure these rednecks have never eaten raw tuna and wouldn’t understand someone who likes it that way.

End result? Don’t ask me to drive any automobiles this evening. In fact, my grammy yells at my grandpa for getting me drunk. How funny! But I always did say that drinking genes were hereditary. Pops can drink me under the table because he’s got more practice at it (or that’s what I’m telling myself).

Bars: Suicide Bridge

Total Bar Count: 70

Total DC Bars: 37