Virginia Beach Weekend: 15 Lessons Learned

1. If you insist on finishing a bottle of butterscotch liqueur, then expect to achieve a state of inebriation where you forget half of the evening’s activities and make-out with the closest available person.
2. 4-year old expired Magnums are as effective as non-expired condoms. They all still break after 30 minutes.
3. If you leave the back door unlocked with a note on the coffee table stating you’re not home, don’t be surprised if you receive a mystery response from an unknown (and uninvited) guest.
4. Dirty Dogg has no concept of time. When he states that he will be back on the beach in one hour, multiply his estimate by 3.
5. When you go to the beach, make sure to pack your swim suit in your travel bag – not leave it in your laundry basket in the back of your car (which is not at the beach).
6. If your friends are visiting a DC friend’s beach condo, don’t be surprised when they plan to sleep the entire weekend there. Keep an overnight bag in your car for such eventualities.
7. Salt water takes the itch out of poison ivy. Too bad it doesn’t take care of the oozing pus.
8. If you don’t place sunblock on your feet, don’t be surprised by the tan line your sandals leave on your feet.
9. Making your bed partner wait an extra 5 hours for their sex ration, may result in your partner's wet dreams becoming a bit more vivid than either of you expected (butt cheeks can simulate a v*gina anytime, didn't you know?).
10. Neighbors are good people to know. A select few may offer you Crown Royal, an instant $100 spot-loan, and time-shares for $160.
11. When you encounter 12-mile back-ups on the interstate, be adventurous. Take the scenic route. You may get to experience the thrill of the road less traveled (and the farm stenches that accompany it).
    
12. When enforced condom use for 3 months still results in cleaning spooge off your stomach, it's time to throw in the towel. Just rely on the b.c.
13. When you are expecting an out-of-town guest, don't expect them to wait on your doorstep while you're playing Tippy cup at a campout.
14. Innocent, dead sand crabs will scare the living bejesus out of a 29-year-old man when you toss them on his lap (He was scared of the water snake that entered his tent during Cheap Mexican too). P*ssy!!
15. Cats that have never seen dogs and dogs that have never seen cats will not necessarily tear each other to pieces. Especially when the cats are bigger than the dogs.
    

Bars: Mahi Mah’s, Rudee’s, Chicho’s, Ocean Eddie’s

Total Bar Count: 74

Total DC Bars: 37