Like most SH*T-ty beginnings, it takes a long time to get the pack rounded up and focused on the task at hand. Of course, we have more than our fair share of distractions today. Someone brought jello shots – except this time most of the shots are made of pudding. Pudding shots? Let me try….and I try and I try and I try…My tongue is not long enough! It can’t reach the bottom of the container, so I can’t scoop the pudding out with my tongue. I guess I suck better than I lick cause I don’t have any problems with Jello shots.
I sincerely have every intention of running this trail, but within the first mile of the trail, we enter a tunnel. Now at first, this tunnel seems not too horrible. I can stand upright, I can easily avoid the water, everything is going smoothly….until…..we approach a tunnel intersection. We see sunlight at this intersection through the pothole above, but unless we can climb walls, there is no way out but to continue forward. Unfortunately, the tunnel I must traverse is not as accommodating as the previous one. The water smells like sewage and even bent over, I am too tall for the tunnel. I have to squat and walk. If you have done this for any distance, you will understand how difficult this is. Eventually, I’m unable to even squat and walk and am forced to crawl through that sewage mess. Areola is behind me with her dog, Jet Li, and even her dog gets tired of wading through this tunnel and begins to lap up the water. The poor thing! Although Areola immediately disciplines her dog, the damage has been done. Jet hurls the water he ingested back up. If I had any doubts in my mind that this water was unsanitary, his reaction confirms it. I smell so bad after exiting the tunnel that I remove my shirt despite the fact that I am now chilled to the bone. I now know what the definition of @ss spelunking is. Don’t make me repeat it.
At the beer check, I am so glad to have a beer – but not to drink. I’m obsessed with ridding my hands of the smell of sh*t. Cause I would rather have a beer smell on my hands than sh*t, and at the moment, I can’t even drink a beer without gagging from the smell. Why couldn’t any y’all walkers warn me? Bastards!
I’m so paranoid at this point that I even start picking at my back because I’m frightened I have acquired a stowaway in the form of a deer tick. Lo and behold, it is only a mole. You’d think I’d know about the various parts of my body by now, wouldn’t you?
Anyway, it’s a relief to make it back to the end without encountering any more tunnels. However, my troubles are not over this evening as I almost get the hash sh*t for going to the Anarchy campout instead of the Sh*tty BBQ the previous weekend. Anarchy was fabulous! Y’all should’ve gone! I don’t care if I’m a sell-out!
Rant:
I don’t know what’s up with the kitchen staff, but it shouldn’t take 1 ½ hours to get 2 hot dogs and fries. I should have just walked out without my order, but I thought I should wait and then 30 minutes turned into 45 and so on. Boy am I waaaay too nice. And I still paid full price. I’m a loser.
Bars: Cue Club
Total Bar Count: 68
Total DC Bars: 36
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