LNDT Enters the Red Light District

I arrive at the Sh*t hash's beginning circle ready for action. Last Thursday, I stumbled about in the dark with the rest of the pack on Semen's bushy trail. See, I forgot that daylight was leaving us earlier and earlier everyday. I had a headlamp in my hash bag, but didn't bring it on trail. As a result, I'm determined NOT to make the same mistake again, so I pull my headlamp out of my bag BEFORE arriving at the start. Unfortunately, when I wear my headlamp I usually blind the rest of the pack when I point the light towards them. Since I try to be courteous, I try wearing my headlamp in a location that won't blind anyone.

Where do I place it? I thought about putting it around my waist, but I don't want to stretch the band out (it is supposed to fit on my head, you know!). There's no clip on the lamp or I would clip it to my shorts like I did with the blinkers at the beach invasion. Ahhh! I know! It will fit around my neck just fine! But since I don't want it to flop around, I adjust the strap so that it fits snug around my neck. Well, whaddya know? I look like I'm wearing a funny dog collar - woof, woof! No dogs (b*tches) allowed on trail! Maybe they'll make an exception for me!

Wearing a lamp around my neck is a bit odd to the other hashers.

Gay Caballero asks me, "Won't that be uncomfortable and leave hickies on your neck?"
"Hmmm....Well, I've never tried this before, so today I'll experiment and see how it works."
Others ask, "Does your lamp have the right angle to light your path? It looks like it will only illuminate your boobs."

Well, for your information, it does illuminate my boobs, but MOST of the light projects about 3-4 feet in front of me. Perfect! It fits my stride.


My headlamp has three settings: regular ol' flashlight, blue LED, and a red light.

The first setting is the red light, so when dusk approaches and I flip my headlamp on, the othe hashers around me go, "Ooohh...leave it on the red light!"

Sure, no problem - whatever you want - I serve to please. Isn't it appropriate that I (Late Nite Drive Thru) have a portable red light district surrounding me?

Fun trail - a bit long, but I feel energized afterwards which is a good sign. And like most Sh*t hashes (or so I'm told), the ending circle is nowhere near the beginning. I'm completely lost (I don't know anything about VA geography). So even though I'd like to head to the bar early, I'm forced to watch the naming of two Justs - I'll call them Guy and Girl.

Now I usually don't pay attention during namings, but some of the things I overhear during this naming bear repeating.

First, Girl is asked, "What's your favorite sex toy?"
She responds, "A purple beaver"
Oooh! I walk up to Kane and whisper, "Merkin! Let's name her something to do with a merkin!"

Now if you missed all the drama on Elevatorfish and I Can't Believe It's Not Vodka! you'll have no idea what a merkin is. Here's a definition for you (straight from dictionary.com):

mer·kin ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mûrkn)
n.

A pubic wig for women.

And apparently merkins are all the rage in Europe with girls wearing hot pink, neon green and even PURPLE ones! So is it any wonder that when Girl mentions her favorite sex toy is a "purple beaver", that's the first thing that pops into my mind?

Kane asks me, "What rhymes with merkin?"
I reply "Jerkin"

So Kane submits the name Jerkin the Merkin. Neither Guy nor Girl end up with that name (mostly because it ended up on Guy's list of names, not Girl's), but I now have a hash name I can submit whenever the subject comes up again. Wouldn't that be a great hash name?

One other thing that gets me rolling (but maybe it isn't so funny now - I'm debating), is the response to the question, "What's your favorite sexual position?"

I think Girl's answer is something involving a bj or a 69, cause someone (maybe Rodeo?) shouts out, "But she spits!"
Udder replies, "But not in your eye!"

You had to have been there...I swear it's funny....

Finally, the namings are over and we head to Murphy's. Shamrock has been very industrious in our absence and secured a large table near the entrance. I sit down next to PSA and we discuss mismanagement stuff - I'm thinking hash kash for WH4 - not the money collector, but the attendance keeper (best way to meet new people!). I turn away for a few minutes to speak to someone else, but when I turn back towards PSA later, I pivot my legs towards him as well. OMG!! I almost kneed him!

My knee hits his inner thigh, and I exclaim, "I'm sorry! I didn't hurt you did I?"
PSA jokes, "No, but I have a hard-on now."
Kane's observing and says, "Are you blushing?"
"Yes! I'm blushing!" as I'm hiding my face in my hands.

I am a total klutz, but I don't usually come that close to contacting THAT part of a guy's body. What a way to complete the evening! He must not mind too much, though - he gives me a ride to the metro station. Thanks, PSA!