Lessons Learned from Revolution X

1. What other camping event has appetizer servers walk through the campsite distributing taquitos, spinach balls, and tuna salad-stuffed jalapeños while you set up your tent?
2. A campground is just not a campground without a fire blazing 24x7. What does it matter if it’s 95+ degrees outside?
3. Apparently, when your nose gets operated on, you have to wear a tampon around your nose. Talk about a fashion statement.
4. No one will suspect that you are not drinking beer if you keep your wooden vessel charged with water.
5. Male Sembach hashers greet each other by shaking each other’s c*cks. I wonder how the females greet each other?
6. If you wear see-through boxer briefs around the campsite, don’t be surprised when an elephant is drawn on your package.
7. I can stay up later than Spelunker! However, “I’m not tired” does not prevent the eventual tackling and dragging back to the tent, if running away is the chosen option.
8. Bloody Mary mix, no matter how tasty and delicious it may start out, can be ruined by an overzealous vodka pour.
9. The secret to the breakfast line is to get Long n’ Hard’s made-to-order omelets first, then cut into the regular line for “just” bacon and potatoes.
10. Nasty, skanky-@ss swamp water will invade every crevice and orifice of your body. The only option is to strip naked and find a slightly clean(er) body of water to wash up in.
11. Want to know how Camel Spit got her name? Ask her.
12. No one can say no to servitude in Piggy’s improvised kitchen. Even vegetarians assigned to frying beef for tacos.
13. Hedgehog can provide advice on Spelunker’s spooning preferences. Wow! Who knows how deep that friendship goes?
14. Wait until you see the d*ck trick called the curtain call! Who knew that men had the power to make their balls rise and lower within their ball sack? Simply amazing!
15. Tour de Chug jersey + 2 bottles sangria = Passed-out Spelunker by 8pm