W discovers L wakes up at the crack of dawn and wants to hit the water ASAP
W puts makeup on for beach – insists SPF 15 makeup helps protect skin
L discovers W can’t sit still and slave drives L into doing everything at the resort by 12pm - visit both pools, the beach, get manicure and facial, eat ice cream, and go to the supermarket
Classic Conversation demonstrating W’s can’t-sit-still personality:
W asks L “Do you want to take a walk down the beach later?”
L replies “Sure. When do you want to go?”
W “In 15 minutes”
Scary women poolside esp. fat lady with enormous belly and cellulite wrinkles from ankles to ass
Rain from previous evening causes lakes to form at 7-11 parking lot and at entrances to strip malls
Purchase bags of chips, popcorn and Chex Mix (which L hates) along with Smirnoff Ice at Publix; leaving Publix talk to man unloading speakers and amps into Blu restaurant; tells L & W that Marriott Brit party with 200+ guests will begin around 10pm
After unloading groceries, L & W decide to look for the marina (which L & W never located) and discover all strip malls have individual parking lots that are inaccessible from neighboring lots. Learn this after driving into 4 lots before finally accessing the one we want. (Slow learners!)
L & W stumble upon salon next to ice cream parlor (because of 90-degree heat, this temptation is too good to pass up)
High school student working in ice cream parlor tells L & W that Bombay club and ice cream parlor are most popular places in town – Owner tells us to check out the marina or the yacht club (locate some sugar daddies!)
Sunburns from walking along beach earlier have turned painful; L begins weekend-long display of her red, white, and blue ass (red – sunburned outer patch of ass, white – untouched bikini line, blue – blue thong); W begins complaining about patchy sunburned boobs; also begin weekend-long show-and-tell undressing for residents of North Tower (curtains? What curtains?)
L & W discover all Marco Island restaurants close at 9pm
L is entranced by Ray singing at Cocomo Grill
Ray sits down to talk with us and asks us to meet him at Reflections after he gets off work
L & W can’t find Reflections because the neon sign ONLY says LIQUOR (in Marco, liquor stores open a back room and call it a club)
L asked the Reflections bartender for Bass Ale in a bottle, the bartender walked into the liquor store and pulled from the store supply
Ray arrives and says we should head over to Blu, an unusually large crowd is there; we try to walk (are there sidewalks in this town?), but the lakes prevent L & W from making a safe journey, so L & W drive across the street
Ray introduces Captain Ron, who gives jet-ski tours at the Marriott, to L & W
Captain Ron bears a remarkable resemblance to Sylvester Stallone only skinnier and browner (shorter, too? or is Sly short too?), has a New Yorker accent, but claims to have spent entire life in Florida
Captain Ron moonlighted for a period as a ferryboat captain for Italian Entrepreneurs in NYC (aka the Italian mafia!); Captain Ron got the gig through his pal Buzzy who was a vegetarian; the Italian Entrepreneurs had Buzzy cooking meals for them, but were tired of Buzzy’s version of spaghetti and meatballs (his spaghetti sauce used brussell sprouts for meatballs); Captain Ron took over cooking duties upon arrival – Italian Entrepreneurs highly enthusiastic of cooking abilities and mistook Captain Ron for the chef instead of the boat captain; Captain Ron invited by Italian entrepreneurs to invite friends to ferryboat bar and partake of liquor bottles; Captain Ron renting a 6’x4’ cubbyhole above his landlady’s kitchen for $600/mo. (called it “the shelf”) – he doesn’t have any friends to take to the ferryboat
Lesson #1: In Florida, everything is relative –
Blu forecasted 200 people attending the Brit party, about 50-75 showed
Due to road construction, we were informed to expect delays on S. Collier Blvd, there was as much traffic on S. Collier as on a back road in Ashburn, VA
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