L wakes up with a broken pajama strap - did someone (maybe W?) molest her in the middle of the night?
W bosses L around “Make coffee. Pull the fruit out of the fridge.”
W startles L when L walks in the bathroom and sees W’s ass (wearing a normal bikini, thank you!) bent over applying suntan lotion to her legs
L & W get up early to get a hook-up on a boating/shelling tour from Captain Ron
W describes Captain Ron to his college-age co-worker as a Sylvester Stallone look-alike; co-worker wants to know how L & W met “Captain Ron” – he can’t believe Captain Ron went to Blu, a joint for people under 25 (Captain Ron has got to be pushing 40)
L & W spot dolphins and an island with homes sinking into the ocean; L & W aggravate their sunburns from the previous day
L & W head to Everglades City for the airboat tour; opt for Speedy Johnson since L found a $5 off coupon (L is all about saving money!)
L & W arrive at Speedy Johnson and have 1 ½ hours to kill before tour
W asks Speedy Johnson for shopping possibilities. Response “Shopping? There’s some cool stuff at the hardware store”
L & W opt out of shopping and Everglades museum; instead partake in 2nd consecutive day of ice-cream; L picks up a copy of the local newspaper in the ice cream parlor
Local newspaper provides countless tales for amusement (Biggest item of note: grandmother’s newborn grandson will be arriving to stay for 2 weeks during summer); L & W check out real estate listings – mobile homes selling for $250K and up!
L & W determined to find Everglades City mobile homes selling for $1M, drive around Everglades City pointing out each run-down beach shack selling for over $500K
Piggy porn on airboat tour; airboat operator points out large wild pigs that hump everything in sight “white or black”
L & W learn that the white pigs (pot-bellies) can’t swim and that the black pigs swim across daily and get eaten by alligators
L & W head back to Marriott to prepare for excursion to Naples Beach club
W mesmerized by A&E doc on Ecstasy – L admits to experimentation, W admits exposure but no experimentation; doc reveals majority of E comes from Europe esp. Holland; W jokingly proposes talking to teens to score some E
L realizes Ray has no sense of style (wearing khaki shorts with black high-top sneakers and white tube socks) – “What was I thinking?”
Ray introduces Tim, a drug counselor, & Michelle, from Mississippi, who runs an adoption and troubled-youth program using horses and other farm animals (L’s dream job)
Ray notices that it hasn’t rained since L & W arrived – unusual weather for Marco (it rains daily in the summer) – forecasts rain will return when L & W leave
W is designated driver for Naples excursion, but decides to drive back to the hotel (poor L! her one chance to have fun is ruined!)
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