Tex/Mex 2007 Day 3: Running for the Border (again?)

Unfortunately, by the end of the porn check, my stamina has worn out and I walk most of the 2^nd half back to the border. I have a very pleasant conversation with Pony Pumper in Spanish (I believe?) about the demerits of dating latinos. Of course, being a latino himself, he is very disappointed to hear that. So maybe that conversation wasn’t so pleasant after all….Sorry, dude!

Then I run into Penis Colada outside of the mall drug store. Guess what? She bought Viagara AND muscle relaxer. Why would she need both? In fact, why would she want to take either one? Well, that girl IS crazy. I am not surprised in the slightest. However, my small bladder is at it again and Penis and I find a nice fountain sculpture to hide behind in order to pee. I have no idea what the Mexican street vendors thought we were doing, but let me tell you Penis did something I have NEVER seen a girl do! I pee straight down, but as I’m peeing, I look over at Penis and her piss is arcing 3 feet ahead straight in front of her like a guy! Wow! Double-wow! She’s talented! Or maybe she took the Viagara already? I have to say…if you want future blog material there are 2 people you NEED to befriend – Penis Colada and Bone Sucker. That duo can keep hashers entertained for a lifetime!

As I walked most of the way to the border (well, I did run across the bridge a little bit), I am WAAAAAY behind Is It In Yet? who was a front-runner. I’m really worried that I will be stuck in Mexico since he has my ID. WTF?? There are, like, 100 people in line to go through customs. How am I gonna find 3IY? Fortunately, I spot Tie Me Down Dick in his bright lime green t-shirt and ask if he has spotted 3IY. Yep! He’s at the front of the line. Sh*t!! Well, what’s a girl to do? I act like an uncivilized gringa that I am and cut in front of all the Mexicans waiting in line in order to join up with my ID. Apparently, that’s an offense that can earn you a strip search as Follow the Bleeder (female version) discovered. Fortunately, my offense is not detected and I cross the border unmolested. Whew! That was close!

We get back to the start location and Groping Bar-Knee is anxious to get us all transported back to the hotel. No problem! It’s getting chilly out here anyways! But it certainly seems like a long ride back! Did it take 20 minutes last time? I really have to pee! Yeah, I know, I sound like a broken record. But, it’s urgent! Since I’m sitting up on the ledge, I jump down to the main bed, ask a hasher to pull out the beer keg a little, grab a styrafoam cup and squat behind the keg to pee. I really have to pee! I pee more than the cup can hold and since by this time most hashers in the U-Haul realize what I’m doing, I proudly display the contents of my cup. However, the U-Haul is still in transit and the ride is a bit bumpy, so I spill quite a bit of my urine on the floor. I’m very sorry, folks! I did try to contain it! Y’all be happy to hear that I properly disposed of my urine upon exiting the U-Haul by dumping it on one of the hotel shrubs! I also washed my hands! Who said I’m a dirty girl??!!