I haven’t pre-lubed for EWH3 in several weeks, so when I arrive 30 minutes early for sign-in, I head over to our on-after for a couple of beers. I finish my first pint by 6:22pm, so I decide to have a second since I don’t officially need to show up until 6:45pm.
Well, yet again, I demonstrate what a comedian I am when I’m buzzed during sign-in. I card a visitor thinking he is a virgin, I require the Australian visitor to spell out his hash name 3 times before calling for a translator, and completely miss checking off Blank Shot up the @ss on the roster. To make matters worse, Cum Dumpling is the one assisting me with sign-in tonight. Why is it that he is the one to witness my debacles? Or does he incite them? Hmmmm……further investigation is required…..
Another repercussion of drinking 2 pints of beer immediately before running trail? Yep, you guessed it!
Small bladder + 2 pints Yuengling + Organ pressure from sudden running motion = Peeing in broad daylight behind bushes
Funny thing is, though, that I have to wait in line to pee behind the bushes cause about 4 other people have the same idea. In fact, Cum Dumpling almost takes my spot. Dude! I’ve been waiting my turn – go find your own pee spot! I just hope I don’t get PI on my @ss from peeing in the shiggy. The PI is bad this year. I’ve already contracted 2 minor cases since March. And PI on the @ss would not be pleasant.
As far as the trail goes, the first half is long and hilly, but I’m proud of myself cause I run up most of the hills. And surprisingly, it is a shiggarrific trail that incorporates all the hallmarks of classic shiggy – railroad tracks, trees and underbrush, and best of all, urban shiggy. Know why I like urban shiggy so? Cause I get an escort while running the entire trail (cause male hashers couldn’t leave a defenseless female to herself while running through the hood).
The first gentleman that accompanies me is a very tall black virgin who paces me up the hills. Then At Your Cervix accompanies me the rest of the way to the beer check. And on the way back, Dial F and Cum Dumpling accompany me up until they dust me at the
However, once Cum Dumpling discovers that my 10K is going to happen near Virginia Beach, he tells me, “You’re not going down there for a 10K, you’re going down there for a f*ck-a-thon”.
I have never said that I cannot multi-task, now have I?
Oh, and I get violated for saying the following:
“I don’t want to get raped and have a ghetto child spring from my loins.”
However, the scribe interprets my statement as:
“I want to get raped and have a ghetto child spring from my v*gina”
Well it’s about 90% truth, but the 10% that is fiction, totally changes my statement to a lie. Where’s the fun in that?
Kudos:
The hares have actually found a section of town I have NEVER been to. Not that I’ve been hashing an extremely long time (2 years), but at this point, I have pretty much run through almost every neighborhood DC has to offer (not including suburbia). Today, the hares find some neighborhoods east of the Anacostia (which is still technically DC) that are pretty challenging and new. Good job!
Which segways to another point. Throughout the month of April, EWH3 has hosted 3 hashes (out of 4) in the hood. And, actually, the one I am not counting started in
So I can officially declare EWH3 – the ghetto hash!
Potential EWH3 Advertising
“Tired of the same old trees and knee-high grasses and streams to wade through? Visit EWH3! We’ll take you through the back alleys of crack dens, lead you through industrial garbage dumps beside freeways (where you might experience the euphoria of a heroin syringe puncturing through the sole of your shoes), allow howling groups of project-raised children to stalk you for blocks, and best of all, provide a rolling police escort through the seamiest parts of town. Sign right up for the best DC has to offer!”
Visitors
Tonight’s jokes from our 3 visitors are pretty good (and I’ve actually remembered all of them!)
Running Bare of Munno Para (aka Australian dude who requires a translator):
Girl asks her daddy:
Where does poo come from?
It comes from consuming food and passing it through the intes-TINES (as he pronounced it).
Then what about Eeyore?
I must admit that it takes me about 3 minutes to fully comprehend this joke. Huh? Eeyore??? Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve watched any Disney classics.
Sex Wax of
Why does Kermit’s finger smell like poo?
He fingered some pork.
Just Maggie of
What does one lesbian frog say to another lesbian frog?
We really DO taste like chicken!
Favorite quote:
“That’s not real! White men don’t grow that large!”
Conversation of note:
“I’m a whiner”.
“So am I”.
“You know, I’ve been compared to you on more than one occasion.”
Bar: Trusty’s Full Serve
Total Bar Count: 59
Total DC Bars: 33
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