Lynchburg Red Dress Run: The Morning of….

I don’t know what the housekeeping staff must think of us hashers, but they are grinning ear to ear everytime they spy us. Since I’m sharing a room with Schwinn, I’ve paid for the 1st night and he’s paid for the 2nd night – good deal, right? Except I didn’t stay in my room last night, so my card is de-activated when I try to return to the room. So, I’m barefoot, in a red Nascar dress, partially drunk from Mimosas and can’t get into my room. Fortunately, the housekeeping lady finds me amusing and lets me in. Yeah, I wouldn’t be trying to bust into any room other than my own, would I?

In addition, a certain un-disclosed hasher is hiding in Designer’s room because who wants to explain to housekeeping why there is red candle wax all over the sheets?? Hmmm….what was going on in that room? Satanic worshipping, perhaps?? Well…it was definitely worshipping of some type or another!!!

Onto red dress preparations:
I pull out my 2nd red dress for the weekend which is perfect for running in (spandex all the way, baby!). Of course, the best part about prepping for a red dress run is coordinating costumes with everyone! Designer loans me some red shorts, so I don’t have to display my g-string superthong to the innocent civilians of Lynchburg. And Chlorine loans me some fabulous red and black striped socks after numerous comments on the severity of my goosebumps. I paint And How’s Her Bush’s nails for him (although after the mimosas my hand isn’t too steady!). I also loan Lubricunt the shoes I wore at the bar last night (I guess she didn’t like my dress). We are so ready now!!

Now, I know I’ve been accused of multiple costume changes, but let me tell you! I’ve got nothing on @ss Spelunker:

1. Red lingerie concoction with a see-through cover-up shindig
2. Blue superhero leotard
3. Pink tank top and matching pleated mini-skirt w/red thong underwear
4. Black fairy leotard
5. Okinawa happy coat and kilt

And can I tell you how scary @ss Spelunker looks in the blue leotard??

Goose takes a picture of him and tells him, “You look like a giant blue vitamin!”

I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed anything more frightening then when he runs across the icy parking lot in this costume wearing a black wig and high heel boots. I didn’t know that men could sway their hips like that when they run…I hope that isn’t his usual stride…

Look who’s just arrived! My favorite wild bunch – @ss Ogre, Hermie, and TOM! Of course, I HAVE to tell @ss Ogre about the story that Goose told me this morning (cause who else would appreciate a farting story other than the biggest farter of them all!!). However, @ss Ogre acts horrified.

He backs out of my hotel room, scrunches up his nose and states, “It smells like something crawled up in here and died! Flatulent Hussy!!”

Dude! I KNOW he did not just call me a flatulent hussy! He’s got room to talk! After he regularly sh*ts on trail and leaves the evidence behind for the rest of the pack to run through. As if! I don’t even know that the story is even true, but you’re gonna judge a passed out drunk girl on one farting story??!!! Kiss my @ss!! (make it nice and juicy, though!).