Telecum’s Animal Farm Hash

As usual, it’s cold out. As usual, it’s a hashing night. As usual, I’m hash cash.

What’s unusual is that I’m late. Again, work is interfering with my personal life. I have to attend a scheduled conference call from 6 to 6:30pm. So, I show up at the pre-gaming bar and find a nice quiet location to take care of my job responsibilities (thinking I’ll join the crowd after 15 minutes). Forty-five minutes later, I’m still on the phone and trying to wrap up the discussion cause I’m late for sign-in.

What’s also unusual, is that when I finally show up for sign-in, I’m done in under 10 minutes. A quickie, tonight!!

The pack sets off at 7:13pm. The earliest ever!! Our official away time is 7:15pm but who wants to wait around for a couple of hashers that are ALWAYS late?



Ahhh….General’s Farm Animal! I love running near him! He always has a flask tucked away somewhere. What are the specialties this evening? Rum and coke or Jack?

“Can I have some Jack? I need a fire in my belly!!”
“Of course, darlin’. Anyone who is so dedicated to show up EVERY week for the hash deserves a fire in her belly.”

Isn’t he sweet? Flattery will get you everywhere in my book!

But how was he overlooked as a potential hare tonight? Considering he IS General’s Farm Animal, he should have been invited to participate in the Animal Farm hash. Tonight’s hares are Chick’n F*ck’r, Telecum, Donkey Punch, and Cock-a-doodle-me. Should be a great trail then!

…and it is…well, the pack did get a bit confused at the railroad tracks. Of course, it doesn’t help that there is train going by so the pack can’t tell if the trail goes across the tracks or not. D*mn!! It sure is smelly near that train! It is carting hundreds of Waste Management dumpsters. And look! There goes A-Salt My @ss jumping on the moving train like a hobo. Dude! It’s no wonder people are calling you Wookin Pa Nub Jr when you go and do stupid sh*t like that!

And railroad tracks?? I hope Sloppy Ho doesn’t get wind of this! I was told that as a former Harerazor, she would come back to perform some whup-@ss on any hares that laid trail on railroad tracks. Technically, however, the hares didn’t lay trail on the railroad tracks, but they sure did a marvelous job in misleading us.

And boy is Marco Homo raking in the dough. He’s our new Haberdasher and he’s selling EWH3 gloves, hats and socks like flapjacks to cold, unprepared hashers. I have to admit I do buy a pair of socks but only because I don’t own any and want a pair for my collection. Don’t call me unprepared!!

At Hamilton’s, Poop Weiner has pulled a signature Kandy Panties move – he is wearing an Under Armour shirt that is 10 times too small for him. His belly is hanging out the bottom! Hilarious! He exchanged shirts with Underground Railroad (the shirt she’s wearing says “Enjoy V*gina”). No wonder it’s 10 times too small for him! He is under the mistaken impression that she will return his shirt at the end of the evening. Nuh uh, dude! I have it on expert authority that she is going to hold it ransom for a couple of weeks until a special haring occurrence. Can’t miss that!

Bar: Hamilton’s
Total Bar Count: 16
Total DC Bars: 8