Full Moon Pub Crawl in Ellicott City

You know my life seems a little repetitive lately. I drink, I party, I dance, I strip - isn't everyone's life like that?


...so if I am to start tabulating the bars I have frequented, I visited 3 this evening - The Judge's Bench, The Ellicott Mills Brewing Co, and The Phoenix. I had a spectacular beer in the Ellicott Mills Brewing Co. - a dunkel is what I believe it is called. A marvelous stout with a nutty flavor. In the Phoenix I am given a horrible beer that I am told is actually brewed from water from the Baltimore City Inner Harbor. Frightening! It's Natty Bo (aka National Bohemian). I'm not sure if the story is true, but if so the flavor is now understandable. Blaaaccchhh! Not trying that one again....but I didn't like Tecate the first time I tried it at a DCH4 hash either and look at me now...

Speaking of stouts, that reminds me - I have been on a Guinness binge lately. You know - Guiness was the first beer I ever consumed (not including when my uncle gave me a Coors light to taste as a kid - which I hate to this day). I was 19 and in Spain and for the first time in my life able to drink legally. There was a Guinness draft house across the street from the Cathedral of Seville that was very popular with ex-pats. Of course, I was in Spain waaaaay before the euro was introduced and a 12-ounce draft of Guiness would run 250 pesetas (about $2). A 20-ounce draft ran 375 ($3.25). I spent a lot of time in that Guinness pub during my 7-month sojourn in Spain. Ah! Those were the days!

So my reputation as a farter has now spread far and wide. Twice during the evening someone farts in my vicinity and I get blamed as the perpetrator. I ALLEDGEDLY farted once at Lynchburg (which only 1 person can claim to have witnessed) and from then on I'm guilty of all farts henceforth. How unfair!

Also, the ongoing saga of being unable to distinguish 2 hashers continues: Mind the Clap and Jackoff in the Box. I swear those girls look alike! I still make the claim that if I can recognize 500 DC hashers and only have 4 individuals that I habitually get wrong (I still can't tell the difference between C*ckblocked by Jesus and Dial F for F*ggot after 1 year!), I'm doing pretty well.

Notable achievements for the evening: scoring my own box of Cheez-Its (Get your own box - d*mmit!) and my own bottle of Jack! Note: The Jack has a contributing factor in emptying my stomach later in the evening. I also am accused of being bulimic.

Danger zone: Navigating the attic's spiral staircase while descending to the 2nd floor bathroom holding a blanket around my unclothed self. Although I did remember to pee before retiring to bed, I have a small bladder that must be emptied at various times throughout the evening.

Claim that I am criticized for making: I cannot state that no one has seen me naked in public because apparently wearing a bra and panties is the new naked. Everyone has seen me in my bra! But how many people have actually seen my bare tits? Ha! Didn't think so!

Oh, and I crash on TOM's and Hermie's air mattress. Don't ask me why - I have my own mattress inflated next to theirs, but Chlorine and Dust Balls are occupying it.

Dairy Queen occupies the one available space on the attic floor which happened to be where TOM had designated her little dog to sleep. In the morning, TOM reaches for her dog only to put her hand in Dairy Queen's face. DQ is now "the man formerly known as TOM's dog".

And apparently, I am quite talkative in bed. Designer Bush tells me that I was a regular chatterbox until 3am and then I began chattering at 7:30am. I think I was actually yelling at Hermie to keep his d*ck in his pants and to not violate his "no penetration of orifices" agreement with TOM. However, he has promised to titty-f*ck me in Charlottesville. No way! I'm not allowing him any pleasures that I can't enjoy - how does that benefit me? And yes, TOM is in the bed and aware of our conversation. Hermie is a tease.

Bars: The Judge’s Bench, Ellicott Mills Brewing Co, The Phoenix
Total Bar Count: 29
Total DC Bars: 16