409th EWH3 Hash

It’s pretty miserable out tonight. It’s raining hard and I don’t have an umbrella. I can hash in almost any temperature, but I do not like hashing with precipitation. Yuck!

At first, I’m inclined to run the hash, but since 3 Dog Night came out tonight, I’m gonna walk with her.

At the beginning circle, 3 Dog Night is called to sing a song for our visitors, but she doesn’t know any. Then, I’m called on to sing them a song. Of course, I know plenty of songs, but I don’t know one appropriate for visitors, so I just say I don’t know any. I don’t really think anything of it, but I hear some rumblings going, “She’s mismanagement and doesn’t know any songs???!!”. Yeah, whatever.

Moving along…..we walk an extremely short 5 blocks to an alley with a loading dock with a wonderful overhang that shelters us from the rain.

While Schmegg is setting up the beer check, he invites us to take free stuff his work is getting rid of. Sure! Whatcha got there, Schmegg? Red shorts and tiny tees? My pleasure! This stuff will be great for a theme party! The shorts say, “Safe Sex” and the shirts say, “freecondoms.com”. Together the shirt and shorts look like a Hooters outfit. Just get a sh*tload of condoms and the outfit is set. Maybe I’ll wear this for the next red dress run….

Finally, the runners arrive drenched and complaining about the length of the trail. Really? Y’all weren’t out there very long. Fortunately, for them, All Lickie No D*ckie calls an end to the hash at the beer check, since, apparently, all the chalk has washed away due to the rain.

When the runners arrive, we pull out the remaining 30 pairs of shorts and shirts and distribute them to the pack. Most people put them on immediately – including the guys (do I need to mention how scary men look in booty shorts?).

As the snacks are now available for consumption, I swipe a roll of Oreos. I haven’t had a chance previously to confirm how many Oreos are in a roll, but I can now verify that a roll of Oreos contains 14 cookies. And I am sad to admit that 14 cookies doesn’t seem as impressive as I imagined it was. I guess that’s why it’s called my imagination.

Special violation:

You may remember that EWH3 has a special violation for extreme acts of stupidity (such as bringing 4 male virgins to a hash). It’s the bukake. If you don’t know what a bukake is, please re-read this post.

Well, I have finally done something to warrant a bukake (took me long enough, didn’t it?). Funny thing is, 3 Dog Night is sharing the bukake with me (figures that the 2 of us would “do it” together). Remember earlier when neither of us could sing a song for our visitors? Well, it’s a bukake for two! Of course, considering our history, we cuddle for our violation. I do think I take the brunt of the bukake, though. My hair is completely soaked by the end. And did you know that beer acts as an instant hair gel? I get lots of compliments afterwards on how good my hair looks and smells (only hashers would love beer-infused hair).

Of course, the fun never ends after the circle. At the bar, a guy tries to buy 3 Dog Night’s shorts for $15 (cause if you saw her wearing them, wouldn’t you want a pair too?). Unfortunately for him, she isn’t willing to sell her shorts, but General’s Farm Animal is! The dude doesn’t want General’s shorts though – go figure!

Oh! And I have fun playing switcheroo with the beers. Coxxx on Demand goes to the restroom and leaves his beer beside me. Big mistake! I start drinking his light beer. Then Quid Pro Blow walks up next to me and is drinking a Smithwick. I haven’t tried Smithwick, so I exchange glasses with him for a taste test. Yummy! Much better than Coxxx on Demand’s beer. And when Quid Pro Blow walks off without re-exchanging the beer, who am I to complain? However, Coxxx on Demand isn’t happy when he returns to find out I hijacked his beer. Dude! I just upgraded you! You should be thanking me!

….and to top it all off, a couple of hashers get thrown out of the bar. I don’t want to stir anything up by repeating the story, but if I can fictionalize what happened, I’ll say that 3 dudes were having an orgy in the middle of the bar and the Elephant & Castle isn’t a gay bar. The bouncers didn’t care about the dudes having an orgy, but when they started knocking good beer on the ground, they kicked them out. Jeez, y’all! You should know that above all else – save the beer!

Quote of the day:

“I have safe sex all the time! Up the @ss!”

Bar: Elephant & Castle

Total Bar Count: 40

Total DC Bars: 21