Tonight is our first hash with absolutely perfect weather. And that means…..fair weather hashers come popping out of the woodwork tonight. 118 wankers show up due to the beautiful 70-degree weather. I guess spring has officially begun!
Tonight is the V*rgin Gang Bang Hash cause Dial F for F*ggot (alpha hare) has recruited 4 v*rgin hares for tonight’s trail (yes, that makes for a total of 5 hares – EWH3 makes accommodations for 4 hares, but any hares over 4 have to pay their own way). The hares include Mount My Rear, Penal Kneivel, Got the Clap and a “just”. I certainly hope that even with 4 v*rgin hares that this trail doesn’t turn into a clusterf*ck.
Weekly rant:
I know I don’t really start my weekly rants this early in the course of a hash, but tonight’s rant involves hash cash responsibilities:
What’s up with all the quarters today? I can’t run a hash with loose change jangling around in my tits! (which shouldn’t be my responsibility anyway – Big Bend Over is supposed to hold the wad o’cash during the hash – he’s not here tonight) I get $3 in quarters twice today! The first time we hand off the quarters to Big Bang for paying with a $10 bill. He gripes, but takes the change. The second time, we give the change to Beaver Whack. And boy! Is she p*ssed that we give her all that change. Sorry, chickie, but you did pay with a $20 bill. Besides I’d rather have her b*tch at me than have Cum Dumpling b*tch at me for having to deposit loose change. I can’t make anyone happy, can I?
Of course, Do Me Howser not only has me adjust the spelling of his REAL name, but attempts to pay me only $4. Dude! EWH3 hasn’t charged $4 since before I started hashing – where have you been? He replies that he is deducting the amount from the time that he dedicated to correcting our documents. Gotta love legal-ese!
And remember those lovely booty shorts that Schmegg gave away last week? Our wonderful GM, Cum Dumpling, has decided to revive S*men on the Pew fever by wearing the “safe sex” shorts while hashing today.
I yell at him, “Those shorts are so short, why isn’t your pecker hanging out?”
Hey! Just making an observation….
The trail is fairly long. My internal pedometer clocked us at around 4 miles before the beer check, but who can say if my internal pedometer is right? Interesting thing, though – half the runners (mainly the FRBs) miss the beer check. Fortunately, the end location is barely a ½ mile from the beer check, so they end up only waiting a ½ hour for the beer van to arrive.
Oh, and one more thing I need to mention – Free Willy was re-named One-Eyed Willy at the SH*T hash on Tuesday. Too funny! I love the Goonies!!
Unfortunately, our ending circle gets broken up by cops (again!). Fortunately, we had just finished our ending song, so it didn’t really cause any problems other than hashers didn’t get to finish the “free” beer. No one really notices the cops at first, but after I loudly start singing “Kumbaya” and others join in, Cum Dumpling goes over to talk to the cops – I hope he wasn’t wearing the “safe sex” shorts at that point!
Bar: Stetson’s
Total Bar Count: 46
Total DC Bars: 23
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