Charlottesville: Playing in Designer’s room

Not surprisingly, we close the bar down. Of course, we are not done partying, so we return to Designer’s room. I learn the hard way that my room is temporarily off-limits. However, that doesn’t stop Hermie from pulling the covers off Chlorine and stealing the bed spread from our room. Hermie, you are incorrigible!

Chlorine isn’t gonna let Hermie get away with that, though! She follows us butt-@ss naked across the hall to retrieve her bed spread. Chickie, you do remember that we’re not in a reserved block of rooms, right?

I also forgot to mention earlier – Hermie has rules that TOM set out for him in order to attend the Charlottesville golf hash:

1. Hermie cannot be naked in public (aka bars)
2. Hermie cannot be arrested
3. Hermie cannot consume Jack before 9pm

Well, just because he can’t be naked in bars, doesn’t mean he can’t be naked in his own hotel room. He gives us a preview of his costume for tomorrow’s hash. He is dressing as a bald Britney Spears. And in true Hermie (or Britney) fashion, he will not be wearing any underwear!

At some point during the evening, Hermie bets me that if I wear my vibrating panties all day on the golf hash, he will buy a pair from me. You’re on! My clit will be numb by the end of tomorrow, but I can’t turn down this challenge!

So what else can we do to entertain ourselves? Let’s watch a porn! Not So Silent Bob selects “All You Can Eat Gang Bang”. Where is Gang Bang? She’s gotta see this! It’s 8 women and 2 men getting it on. BTW, we learn later that the porn costs $14.00. For that price, we should’ve bought it! It did entertain us endlessly, though.

Hermie F*cks a Blow-Up Sheep!

Now don’t ask me where Hermie got this idea, but he brought his mutilated blow-up sheep this weekend. And if y’all weren’t aware, it has an opening in its @ss big enough for a shot glass. Hermie decides it’s time for his sheep to lose its virginity. He borrows some of Designer’s lube, squirts it all over himself, and starts penetrating the sheep’s backdoor. Metro actually calls TOM to inform her that Hermie is violating their “no penetration of orifices” rule. TOM informs her that the blow-up sheep doesn’t count. But the funniest part of all of this, is that Hermie can only get his wang in about an inch. OMG!! Seeing Hermie walk around the room with a blow-up sheep hanging off the end of his wang is TOO funny! We even have pictures, but they’re too X-rated to post. BTW, Chlorine and I tattooed an on-on sticker onto the sheep’s haunch earlier in the evening (it’s a hasher for sure!).

Of course, I’m totally trashed at this point and laying on one of Designer’s beds. Not So Silent Bob climbs on top of me (which I don’t protest for some reason) and starts digging through my pockets for my room key. It isn’t until 5 minutes later that I realize my room key is gone – I never said I was an intelligent drunk. The purpose for stealing my room key? To disturb Chlorine while she’s occupied in our room. I swear! Can’t y’all leave well enough alone?

As I’m feeling sleepy, I pull off my shirt and pants and climb into one of the beds (yes, as usual, I’m getting semi-naked in public). Unfortunately, NSSB isn’t done with his pranks and immediately steals my pants. Of course, I want my pants back, so I chase him out of the room to get them back. Big mistake! NSSB runs back into Designer’s room and slams the door on me. Now I am locked out of my room AND Designer’s room wearing only my bra and a g-string. I bang on my door to get Chlorine to let me in. At first, she teases me by shutting the door back in my face. How wrong! Eventually, though, I get into my room and get ready for bed.

15 minutes later as I’m washing up, I hear a knock on our door. F*ck! It’s the hotel night clerk lady. After taking quite a while to find some clothes to put on (yes, I’m still walking around in my bra and g-string), I open the door.

She tells me, “I have received complaints about you walking naked in the hallway. If you do not stop, I will call the cops and have you evicted.”

Sh*t!! I believe this is the first time in my life that I have ever been threatened with being arrested. Maybe TOM should have made her rules apply to me and Chlorine too cause we’ve both already violated rule #1 and because of that we are precariously close to violating rule #2. BTW, Hermie did not violate any of HIS rules (well, maybe rule #3 by 10 minutes – but who’s counting?).