Due to my rapidly deteriorating memory (am I an alcoholic now?), I cannot recall many details from this hash. In fact, I remember many more details from the beginning of the event than from the end. Go figure!
Today, I’m wearing bunny ears and spandex pants with the remote control panties over them. I kind of resemble a playboy bunny. I did take that bet, if you recall. However, Hermie doesn’t want responsibility for the remote and @ss Spelunker doesn’t know what it’s for, so La La gets possession of it.
Many people are carrying golf sticks and quite a few people are dressed as golfers. Gang Bang is wearing a spectacular neon orange wig which has probably been recycled from many other events since it has twigs and branches lodged in it. And I must admit that @ss Spelunker is quite fetching as a tennis player. Of course, I don’t realize that he’s wearing girl’s clothing until MUCH, MUCH later. I told you that alcohol was interfering with my synapses!
Watering Hole #1: St. Maarten
One of the give-aways is a golf beer pong ball. Ball check, anyone? Nope, not for beer pong. We are instructed that if we drop our golf pong ball in an open beverage container, the owner of said vessel must consume its ENTIRE contents.
It’s quite fun trying to play 3-man in the bar while watching for an opportunity to drop golf pong balls in vessels. I score on La La twice and Gang Bang once. However, La La gets me back good. He pours me a new serving of beer and before handing it back to me drops his golf pong ball in it. That’s no fair! After I consume my cup, he refills my beer and does it again! Okay, now I’m just being stupid.
Interestingly enough, the shape of these drinking glasses is not conducive to holding a golf pong ball. After I consume my second beer, my golf pong ball is stuck in the bottom. I turn the glass upside down, and it still doesn’t come out. Fortunately, I am an extremely creative person! Rather than bang the glass on the table and break it, I ask for a refill! Ha! The golf pong ball floats to the top of the glass. Problem solved!
Remember all those rules this bar imposes on us? The waitress tells us we MUST consume from the barware, not our plastic mugs. Now I didn’t bring my own drinking vessel, so I NEED to drink from the bar’s glassware. However, 30 seconds after mandating this rule, I knock one of the new glasses off the table and it shatters. Yet another reason why hashers should drink from plastic mugs…
Watering Hole #2: Apple pie shots
On the trail to the 2nd watering hole, I explain (and demonstrate!) fartlekking to Designer and Schwinn. Aren’t y’all impressed that I run (a bit) on this trail? And up a hill to boot!
We end up at a house where we stand in the backyard and have shots passed down to us from the 2nd floor deck. I believe I consume at least 8 apple pie shots.
Watering Hole #3: Jello shots
Just as we’re leaving the apple pie shots, I let @ss wear the vibrating panties for the next portion of trail. He must be unaccustomed to that sensation cause he starts laughing and grabbing his crotch whenever he’s buzzed. Did you like it, at least?
I lose most of the pack when I take a pee break. Schwinn is my lookout for any campus police. He is such a gentleman!
Next, Schwinn and I hear rumors of a co-ed pee break at a local gas station and walk in to investigate. Yep, there’s co-ed pissing going on. D*mn! I thought I was gonna catch some sex on trail!
Somehow, I lose Schwinn and some of the other stragglers when I take the turn into the parking garage and encounter the next watering hole. Apparently, they’re so lost that they never make it and ask for directions to the next stop.
I think I consume at least 6 jello shots here. As a result, I def need @ss Spelunker’s assistance getting down the hill. I’m barely capable of walking straight – let alone climbing down this steep hill.
Watering Hole #4: Margaritas (and Jager)
Although I am not in need of a beverage, just a seat, I accept an offer of a HUGE Solo cup full of Margaritas. That’s a cold beverage for the weather we’re having. Ahhh, well, who am I to turn down a drink?
In addition, I keep receiving Solo cups with shots of Jager. I think I drink 2 cups worth. Apparently, the Jager isn’t supposed to be part of the watering hole beverages. However, La La spots the bottle and pays Tail from the Crypt $60 to consume it. Thanks, La La, but I’m not sure I really need those shots of Jager.
Watering Hole #5: Natty Light and beer pong
I’m wearing the remote controlled panties again cause @ss couldn’t take it anymore. However, I have no idea who has the remote now. Throughout the entire trail, the remote has been passing from hasher to hasher and I haven’t been able to keep track although I keep getting buzzed.
At In God We Thrust’s place, I start dancing to the music, but I’m incapable of continuing when I keep getting buzzed. When I finally track down the remote (due to NSSB’s assistance), I discover that the Marines have had the remote.
During my search and destroy operation, though, Hermie and @ss instigate a game of strippy cup downstairs. I’m SOOOO surprised that those two would be the first to strip out of their clothes.
Watering Hole #6: House w/beer?
Somehow I’m part of the group that is the last to leave Thrust’s house and we manage to get lost on the way to watering hole #6. I call Gang Bang to find out where we’re at, but since I’m totally plastered, she hands her phone to La La to deal with me. I don’t understand anything he tells me, but fortunately other more coherent hashers find the turn-off that we missed earlier.
And I think I stated this last night, but let me state it again! Clean Clam is such a prankster! As we are trying to find our way to the next watering hole, Clean Clam steals lawn ornaments (aka gnomes and frogs) from one yard and then deposits them in another. And she keeps repeating this! Don’t you love hashers?
I tell @ss, “I think I need to puke.”
He replies, “I’ll hold your hair!”
You know, I don’t think I’ve encountered anyone as happy to hold a girl’s hair while she’s puking since TNT and Gimmee a D*ck. What does that say about @ss?
Watering Hole #7: House w/beer?
I don’t remember anything from this watering hole. Well, I do remember that @ss buys some
Watering Hole #8: Spiked Hot Chocolate
We enter a parking garage that helps protect us from the rapidly dropping temperatures. NSSB finds my remote and places the vibrator in his kilt pocket. He starts hugging the girls and we all get a thrill from him. I believe I kiss someone at this stop (a girl?).
Watering Hole #9: Baja
I take a pee break next to a UVA campus building. I have no lookout this time, but encounter Pink Panther when I’m done. He tells me that my daddy must be a good-looking man. He is! How could you tell?? : )
At Baja, Chlorine sets a log next to my plate while I’m eating. Apparently she’s trying to get some wood.
@ss changes from his tennis outfit into leather pants. Although I like his tennis outfit better, the leather pants are def warmer.
We play 3-man again, but I’m still playing poorly. This is not a 3-man weekend for me.
I puke in the bathroom. I’m informed later that Chlorine had to stick her finger down my throat to assist me. She’s a good friend. I wanna know how she found me in the bathroom. I’m not good at locking doors behind myself, am I?
Bars: St. Maarten, Baja
Total Bar Count: 36
Total DC Bars: 17
St. Maarten does not count since I have visited it previously.
1 comment:
I miss Cville!!
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